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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| PROMPT November 11th You are desperate to use the bathroom. But, you share this with several others. It's down the hall (waaaay down the hall), and it's cold despite the heat being set to the 'normal' temperature. Being an older person, your legs and ability to hold it ain't what it used to be. How do you handle this dire situation? WOW!!!You know how to trigger a senior lady whose plumbing isn’t what it used to be. This is why God invented Depends. I am a person that goes places prepared . I know where the bathrooms are and how far I have to walk, if there are steep steps because the knees aren’t what they used to be either. I have called ahead to find out about benches when visiting attractions for my Mom and now myself and husband. Being older is a challenge, for sure. - [ ] I used to love to go to concerts and I think I have been in all the various venues in Atlanta. Many have been torn down now but I believe the worst was the Omni. Back in the 1980’s and 1990’s we used to go early on the day tickets went on sale to Turtle’s and stand in a line. Then the employees would hand out lottery tickets. Sometimes they ran out, otherwise it really didn’t matter where in line you were. The price then wasn’t so astronomical and you might get a low number ticket and get great seats. A lot of groups were at the Omni and the steps were so steep. I have watched more people fall on those steps going to the bathrooms. Some were high and/or drunk and the lights would only be dim on the step strips. I have gone home with many a bruised knee. Women are prone to this problem anyway. So the last fantastic 4 hour Springsteen concert we blew a wade of money for great seats and close to the bathroom, that was 2015. I have always had a bladder problem-comes with the territory of endometriosis and a prolapsed bladder from having had babies . I know I have gotten off the question . I might try to make it in the scenario above, I can usually judge how urgent it is but there is always an extra layer between me and disaster. (FYI, There are procedures that can be done, surgical tacking up of the bladder to the pelvic bone or you can have a pessary inserted that lifts the uterus up off the bladder.) I hope I never find myself in the situation above but you never know what life will throw your way. I had a mother-in-law that used to carry a hand can opener in her purse, “just in case”. Women are really good at this from having kids, etc. Always be prepared. I keep an airway in my purse because I have had to do CPR on people a number of times. |
| PROMPT November 10th Your neighbor’s hay crop is ready to harvest. Everyone in their family is sick and their Combine is broken. How do you respond to this situation? I am late getting this up and I have a world of good excuses. I don’t have much to contribute to this. I know nothing about farming although that is what my grandparents did as sharecroppers. I do know that farmers tend to help each other out. I would help any neighbor out, whatever I could do. I could use my nursing skills to make the family more comfortable. I could cook a big pot of soup. I would be the organizer and call someone who does know something about the actual farming. Surely someone has a combine that can be used. I can remember my Dad talking about barn raising. Neighbors truly did get together in the 1920’s and built actual homes and barns. I think people still care today just as much about each other. Americans are wonderful at helping strangers out when natural disasters happen, they raise money and physically do a lot. Churches and local people are usually your first responders before the government. People are mostly kind and caring and do what they can. I would also get kids involved. They are always proud of themselves when they see what they can accomplish plus they have the energy that I lack these days. |
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