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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| TABOO (HUMAN RIGHTS) Everyone wants to have their human rights protected... but give that protection to others? "No One Can Take Away Your Human Rights." Or so they say; and yet... do you feel that you, your family, your friends, your immediate community, has been denied human rights or protected? Share one or more story that you were a part of or witnessed. Many of the taboos here center around religion, speech, sex, gender, age, affiliation and expression. And that's where human rights become compromised whether we openly talk about it or not. https://www.un.org/en/about-us/universal-declaration-of-human-rights While I hear people talk about their rights to not take a vaccination that has been proven safe and we are in the middle of a pandemic, I am totally confused. When my sons went into the service they got about 20 different vaccines and when my kids and I went into school, we had to have all our vaccines. As an RN, every year I had to go to the health resources office at the hospital to get up to date on my vaccines or lose my job. See as a person of science this makes sense to me. I already cannot give blood donations anymore, after years of doing it, because I have Hepatitis B antibodies. Although I wasn’t ever symptomatic, I have had my share of needle sticks over the years as most hands on medical professionals that do invasive procedures. In getting vaccines I was protecting people under my care with fragile immune systems, children and older people. Now that I am older, out of respect, I feel younger people should try to protect me. My children certainly do and I don’t have any chronic conditions except age and my dystonia, which doesn’t really count. Either we all take care of each other because we care and we have a right to liberty, justice, life and happiness, or we are a very selfish society thinking of our own rights. Where has empathy gone? We are a people who believe in freedom of religion, it is a cornerstone of our democracy yet people are trying to force their own idea of religion in schools. There are many religions represented in our citizenry, many Muslims serve the US military. Many Buddhists worship here among other religions. These are older than Christianity yet we keep saying this is a Christian country. No it was a “freedom to believe what we wanted” that we fought and died for. I remember I had a patient that was having a major gastrointestinal bleed and I was trying to slow it down before we took him to surgery. It was 11pm and I was about to go off shift but I stayed and kept putting iced saline down his nasogastric tube while we hung one unit after another of blood. The surgeon was on his way in. A nurse that was working the night shift came in the room with her Bible and began to speak in tongues over the patient. I know she meant well but she didn’t know what religion they practiced and it wasn’t even her patient. I asked the family if she had asked their permission and the answer was “No!” They were shocked and didn’t understand what this had to do with medicine. They had their own minister they had called. The LPN was a nice lady and good nurse but she was infringing on their freedom of religion. If they had been Wicca or atheists, they had the right to privacy and freedom. I have never forgotten that. The Constitution is a wonderful document and gives us rights. It is unique and we are fortunate to live in a democracy but we are all different with our belief systems and politics. We need to honor each other. |
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