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Thursday, Apr. 3, 2025

3:57pm EDT

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Voice Lessons

by Angels in my Ear

Rated: E · Book · Personal · #1909095

My journey to find my writer's voice and the lessons I have learned on the way.

I can hear the faint strains my writer's voice calling me. After years of silence, she is starting to speak to me again. I find I can hear her more clearly everyday. As I listen to the words she softly whispers to me, I want to sing them for the world. But, to make them heard, they must be more than lyrics. They must be the music of the heart. This is my hunt for the melody.

If you want to learn more about me, I have an extended bio

STATIC

Aundria

(E)
Want to know more about me? This is a peek into what makes me tick.
#1976487 by Angels in my Ear

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Brian K Compton

Feb 7, 2020 at 11:25pm
In response to "Haunting Tune"

You're not alone. I get these feelings. Depression messes with perception. Hard to reach out, be understood. Writing is a great way to process these feelings.
I support you.
Brian

1 Like

Angels in my Ear

Nov 2, 2016 at 4:08pm
In response to "Haunting Tune"

I want to thank you all for your kind comments. And not just that, but for reading it in the first place. As I read over my blog I can't believe how many of my entries focus around my loneliness. And then, every time I think I've found a new friend or new purpose, something gets in the way, my efforts fail, and my depression gets reinforced. I've been practically non-existent this year and have not communicated with so many of my friends here. It's heartwarming to know that you're all still around and here for me. Even after my neglect and lack of communication. It's nice to know that there are people who care about you and not what they will get out of it In these days of social media, I feel even more alone. People care less about the substance than do about the numbers. Thanks for listening. I hope I find a way to get back to writing.

2 Like

Elle

Oct 31, 2016 at 10:58pm
In response to "Haunting Tune"

I don't have a lot of experience with depression, but I thought I might throw this idea out there...

Maybe, since your family is big on family history, ask your children questions about their childhood and their parents. Ask in the context of family history, and about both parents, so it is less biased then if you just ask 'Was I good mom?'

Get them to recount happy memories. Then you can read or listen to those happy memories and remind yourself how happy and well adjusted your children are, and that comes from knowing they are loved and having good support.

2 Like

Choconut

Sep 21, 2015 at 5:43pm
In response to "Melancholy"

Please try to remember that your fears are most likely a symptom of your illness and that they aren't facts, it feels that they are, but they're sneaky and very convincing. I know it's really hard (honestly, I completely get how hard it is) but try to keep doing things that normally help. Talk to people, on WDC if not in your 'real life'. Know that we're here for you. There will be blue skies again. Honestly

~Minja~

Sep 21, 2015 at 4:55pm
In response to "Melancholy"

I don't know what to say except

Cinn

Jul 2, 2015 at 1:07am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

God and the Friend-Finder Ochestra! My mind totally saw marquee there for some reason. Too tired.

I'm cool with your God making sneaky covert hookups behind my back. I like my friends, right?

Cinn

Jul 2, 2015 at 1:04am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

Oh yeah! We totally took over your blog here.

I'm an ENTJ to your ENFJ... Thinking not Feeling. That's where we differ most, Angels in my Ear

. Clearly... you totally view the world through feelings, and they're just not that important to me I guess.

I would be introverted, which I am sooooo not. Wish I was sometimes... a little more so anyway.

Looks like we actually just have one in common, Elle

. But hey, extroverted counts for lots. I think we make a good team... and Aundria and I are like totally in-sync with our methods but with different perspectives. Totally weird.

Oh, and you can call me whatever you want.

You know you just think I'm a wicked Cinner.

Even Charlie still calls me CinnFrin sometimes, and how much shorter is "Ky"? He actually types more than needed sometimes just because it fits me I guess.

Riot

is the laziest of all. She just calls me K.

Which works... since I usually call her J. Pfft. We're just a lazy, and that's no JK.

Anyway, I still think of you as "Elle" rather than "Ellie". I say "Elle" and then correct it to "Ellie" because... I know better. I just thought of it one way for so long that it sorta stuck. And yes, I have mentioned you with real words before!

And Aundria too, for that matter.

Angels in my Ear

Jul 2, 2015 at 12:55am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

You wanna know what's wired? One of my daughters is named Kylee! It pretty cosmic right? She may not believe in God, but I see him in orchestrating my friendship with both of you.

Take that Cinn.

Elle

Jul 2, 2015 at 12:45am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

We still haven't made that contest, Cinn. We totally should. Would be epic. One entrant for each personality type.

Elle

Jul 2, 2015 at 12:23am
In response to "All the Right Notes"

Whereas you and I only have one letter in common, and Kylie and I have two.

Calling her Kylie feels weird. I usually use people's real names far more than I use handles, but she feels like Cinn to me!

March 30, 2025 at 8:13am

#1086209

Vocal writing

It’s depressing when I look back over these pages. It seems to say the same thing over and over I don’t know why it’s never occurred to me that I’m really a negative person. Which is probably why I was attracted to Matt. I think he helped me lighten up.

I need to redirect my life somehow. I keep waiting for it to come to me. My brain is so scattered and my pen can’t keep up so I’m trying to dictate and write at the same time but I’m not sure if that’s going to work. Maybe
doing it this way will help the words flow better. It’s like they don’t come to me until my pen moves. My author. Voice is so different than my speaking words. I seem to be more eloquent and pensive. It’s almost like this is too fast and I don’t hear the words in my head, but this is by far the easiest way to do it so I’ll just try to get used to it and hope my words come as they do when I write them down. It’s funny how I can only write with my pen.

It’s feels like once I say it out loud, I go from remote mode to speaker mode and they’re both completely different for me. I’ve gotta find a way to get all of the compositions in my head to paper. See I had all of these writing thoughts going through my head and as soon as I open my mouth to say them, they disappear. I don’t feel like it’s me doing the writing, honestly. The words seemed to jam up in my head when I speak them directly from my pen when I write, and I never know what I’m going to write about until the pen starts to move. For some reason I worry that my journal will be legible because of a all the half thoughts I would put in there. Maybe it’s just going to take me a while to figure out how to do this, but I can’t keep waiting all my life.

I feel like I’m trying to hide or become someone I’m supposed to be. I tried to figure out why I’m like that. It’s like I go back to my childhood, and my sister‘s teased me mercilessly. It seems like such small stupid thing but I think I didn't realize how much it still affects me. It taught me how to hide or if not hide pee whoever they want me to be to keep them happy I’ve been so focused on that That I have lost myself in the process.

Which is why I feel I have someone watching over and working through me. But I’ve lost sight of my spiritual side as I see my children fall farther and farther away from God. It makes me just want to give up. I feel like I didn’t do enough. I was a hypocrite and I still am. It’s just now my children are old enough to see it. They no longer respect me and look at me as uneducated white trash.

Why am I so concerned about what others think. I assume they look down on me because I know that I’m lazy and depressed and now everyone else does too. I know I need to recover my spiritual side in order to do what I need to do I know I need to go back to church, but it won’t be the same for me anymore. I still believe the basic tenants but I have a hard time with all of the rules. I don’t feel like I should have to report to someone who’s making sure I don’t sin and that Im "worthy". That should be between me and God. Maybe it’s because I feel letdown that those aren’t the ingredients. I thought they would be. I read the recipe. I have used the ingredients, I baked the cake, but I didn’t get what I wanted. It either burned or fell.

I always said that I was success as long as my children know God. Well, they don’t and they think I’m simple because I do they won’t even discuss it with me and I feel like I can’t ask them any questions about their lives. They don’t want to tell me anything or confide in me. And I know that they feel that way because that’s how I felt about my mother and I don’t want to admit it. I’m so sorry, mom

"Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"

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