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Just alot of thoughts on my mind! |
How much do I actually expect myself to be able to put up with? When and where do I draw the line that prevents me from getting hurt? So what if I put up walls and keep people out; all they will end up doing is hurting you and I'm tired of getting hurt. Nobody really understands just how bad i got hurt. I guess that outside of God and myself; no one can really know. I love her with all my heart and at one time there wasnt nothing I wouldn't do to make her happy. I'm just so confused; she burned me and hurt me really bad and still I kept on loving her and she kept on hurting me. And yet I cant seem to let go of her. Part of me believes she will change and she will love me again and the other part tells me how big of an idiot I am and I should just move on. Not only myself but everyone tellls me to move on. But I dont know how, I dont know how to let go a a love that runs so deep it pretty much makes up a large part of who I am. In the entire 8 or 9 months I've known her, I've really never said a harsh word to her till today. I guess all the anger just built up till I couldnt take it anymore and I still didn't say everything that was on my mind and quickly as the anger came it was gone. For the most part I dont regret what I said...it was how I said it. She loves him, I love her, two worlds apart and its eating me up inside. Im tired, stressed, mad, angry, upset, restless, frustrated, and infruiated. Dont forget confused and dazed. I dont sleep or eat and im pratically dying inside and i dont know what to do. I want to give my problem to God and not worry about it but thats really hard to do. This much i know. I Love Her! I could see me spending the rest of my life with her and being happy. Part of loving someone is seeing them at thier worst and still loving them and needing them just as much as before. I dont care how mad she makes me, I still Love her but none of that matters to her! anyway this is getting long...so i will finish it later!! |
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