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 Enga mellom fjella: where from across the meadow, poems sing from mountains and molehills. |
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Enga mellom Fjella  Sentinel Marked as if you own me I bow before the Bitterroots and just like you my rocky soil, my withered grass lays prey to the empty sky. © Kåre Enga 2007 "Sentinel"   Reader's Choice of Poems: "'heart's home'" "In Lagada, la vita" "Between us" "I, Katrina" "Willowsong" Reader's Choice of blog entries from my old blog "L'aura del Campo" :"Death of Jeannie New Moon" "Doing and don'ting. A scene in 2nd person." "Even in chaos ... More hockey poems." "Half-naked dreams? 'Getting the stain out of genes!" "Czernina (Dirk's-blood-soup?) and Murv Jacob's mural" FACES     PLACES            Kåre  Enga~ until everything was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow! And I let the fish go. ~ Elizabeth Bishop The Fish |
Me. My journal is on page 3,922. I started it in December 2003. But... I'm no open book. There's a lot I don't share. Nothing quite like nightmares... I dread reading the news some days. I don't see the world through rose-tinted glasses but I'm not happy with the levels of violence and the American public's ho-hum attitude towards it.  Surf's up and kayakers and surfers were on the river yesterday. Today there's some ice flowing down it.  Do people care about facts? The on-line comments are brutal at times. And folks don't recognize satire or faux reports for what they are.  When you have older friends... some of them get ill. Missed Joyce today. She's either at the doctor's or hospital. In any case...Bored. Will watch "Horse Whisperer" if I can stomach watching a movie. It's Tuesday in December and there's little to do in this town in December. It rocks February through November. But December? Continue working on my room issues but no great emotional energy to tackle and be done with it. Goal is still: by next Monday. I posted pictures of Portugal again today but the computers at the Senior center don't like to read my external drive. I don't like fighting with computers as it wastes time. Sure... I have lots of time.  But not for frustrating and stupid. |
Me: I got the file cabinet in place and my writing files and travel files placed inside. Now to go through more boxes and get them stored away.  I didn't sleep well last night. I'm blaming it on the coffee as it couldn't possible be that I changed my bed around and put it by a window...  Managed to get ahold of my friend Gary. 6 minutes of sunshine is better than none. Too bad he didn't answer last week when it was gloomy here. Today? Not a cloud in the sky.  Sunny enough but not warm. I should be in Costa Rica. I'm missing the futbol championship and the bullfights. I haven't been in Montana in December... since when...  A quote: "I can see their little toe writing in the short lived dim twilight." Geoff  In reference to animal tracks in an Alaska winter."I shouldn't be here..." I tell myself, voice trailing off in a sigh. I should be in Costa Rica, or at least planning my next trip: Tromsø, Norway; Nara, Japan; back to Portugal... somewhere. Lord knows I have the money. At least my bank thinks so! December is a somber month. I don't have any family here and friends? Yes, but... I "don't do friends". At least, not like I used to. I feel nostalgic for the 80s and 90s and a place I once called home. Missoula is a safe place. It's a beautiful place. It's a cultural haven. But... it doesn't speak to me, and... my heart goes back to Kansas and my mind wanders off further east where snow falls every November and those who once were my friends visit over cocoa around their kitchen tables. I cannot get back what has long since gone away. |
| ... meeeeeee...  I have a craving for fish... although any seafood would do. Overdosed on sweets. I put two paperbacks on the second floor landing window in hopes that they will find a new home. I need to give books away that I won't be re-reading. Still watching "Red" from the French/Polish trilogy. I like the movie but have had problems watching anything. Editing photos again. Put photos from Porto, Portugal on-line. Fought with my computer to free up some space so it'll edit in Picasa again.  After days of gloom, that bright shiny thing showed up today.Actually made chocolate peanut butter fudge last night that set up right and tastes good. Downside? It's sweet and addicting. I haven't done much recently. In truth, I could blog once a week. When the highlight of the day is what I had for lunch... |
| ...us. ...or U.S. ME:  We have ponderosa pine here... and maples. This time of year it's nice to see frosted green. Bare limbs are sad.  I forget to check my postal box. I rarely receive any personal mail. But what if there's a jury duty summons...  ...which is more likely than winning a lottery.  Would like to make my own coat-of-arms some day. I know I want the colors to be green and orange. I've thought of various designs in the past. It could be fun. Read "The 9th Girl" by Tami Hoag, a detective, murder suspense novel. It was "abandoned" by the second floor landing. I'll have to put it back there so it can find a new home. I had to finish it last night because I was at a point in the book that trying to go to sleep was not a bright option. Wouldn't have needed the nightmares. As it was it was a delightful read. Chilling, but good.  "Days of Fog" It's been dreary here in the valley. Above freezing but damp, grey and when the temp does dip, icy and slippery.The police situation in the news has lead to protests all over the country. Reform is needed. The public is finally grasping that. Same with racism. A naughty word that didn't go away by not talking about it. The good news? People are starting to talk about it. In Missoula, a high profile trial regarding the murder of Diren Dede is front page. Dede was a high school exchange student from Germany. The case infuriated the German government and is being watched closely. Montana has "Castle Law" which after being broadened in 2009 is being questioned. Does it condone murder? That and the scathing report (coming out today?) regarding the torture of "terrorist" prisoners will not play well in Europe. Americans are not use to self examination. The violent nature of American culture is going prime time and the fallout could hurt. Maybe there will be a change? Don't hold your breath. An us versus them mentality is deeply ingrained. Oh... and me? I'm still here. And that's the crux of my problems! |
| ...as in... ...that peculiar color. Me:  Avoiding certain shades of green for the moment. I can't make up my mind. But I would like to visit an area of south-east Sweden I missed last time (Kalmar, Oskarshamn, Gotland). My geraniums are blooming. So much better than plastic... I don't celebrate Christmas so I don't do stockings either. However, I do hang my boiled underwear over the sink to dry.  Don't go there...  The internet and cellphone have affected us in many ways. One obvious way is the recordings of police activity. Some of the memes show shocking brutality.Lunch was spaghetti. Which was fine. Getting out is the true reason for going to the Senior Center. Bored. Sleeping cycle is out of whack. Foggy gloomy days. Getting up late. Taking a bath at 2 a.m. Not to complain, but early winter is wearing on me. It affects me emotionally and physically. |
...the smell of dog poo fills the house. me... Tired. No good reason. Just want to take a nap. Excess force has been an issue for police forces for a long time. However, don't expect a violent culture to face the issue. The U.S. is a violent culture. I've been elsewhere... not like that everywhere.  Sinta Klaus brought me peppermints, marzipan, clementines. Frances, a member of our writers' group who grew up in Holland, is generous.  The bells are jingling and in another week or two my nerves will be jangling. Seasonal music can be annoying when it's played ad nauseum. Also, "cheerful" music doesn't cheer me up.  Too bad I had weak ankles as a child and limited access to ice. It's slippery out today.I did share some thoughts and a poem last night at my writers' group. Nice people. However, I must ask myself whether Missoula is good for my life as a writer. It's great in some other ways; but, I think I made more progress in Oklahoma years ago. Tulsa still intrigues me. Checking on line re flights from Tulsa at http://matrix.itasoftware.com. Tulsa is a tad cheaper than Missoula going to Europe... in general. Costa Rica is two short flights. Different airlines. *sigh* I'm usually off to Costa Rica by now. Seems odd to still be here. I can handle snow if there is sunshine. And sunshine was forecast. The grey skies do not amuse me. I think a seasonal fatigue has set in.  |
| ...and then what? me:  My fav place in Lagos is closed until April 1st. No fools' joke. So... Poets Hostel in Lisbon is $35/2nights; the Independente is $25/2nights. I'm tempted. Well, not cookie, but fudge. Made choco-peanut-butter fudge. All gone now. "Badluck Way" by Bryce Andrews. A tale/memoir of rural Montana. I know the author. Saw him this week. Writing on-and-off. Have lots of "There comes a softening..." my poems channeling my inner Emily D. And "Os vampiros não vivem em Évora..." (Vampires don't live in Evora) ..."they dance in Braga, drive the night buses in Lisbon, read books in Coimbra" and so on. It snowed about 3" over night. Light flakes now. Not too cold... just white. I guess I'm okay. I survived the 4 day weekend with no problem. Went out Thanksgiving day. Stayed at home Saturday; the UM team won 52-14 without me. I started cleaning... There are two more four day weekends coming up. I know that these are a blessing for those with family and for those who work; but, I find myself isolated. Fortunately, I have lots to do and lots to read. I should be okay.But, as for traveling, where, oh where? |
me:  Bug day. Landlord is spraying. I've only seen 4 since they sprayed a couple weeks ago. I was expecting more. But... it was time to spray again regardless. Slush. About 3 inches. Mountains are white and beautiful. Skies and streets are grey.  Another sci-fi book. Light reading.  Sat down and worked on "there comes a softening..." again. I have quite a few proto-poems. Still don't know what I'll do tomorrow. There are various dinners I can go to for Thanksgiving Day. Or... I could just stay home and have a salmon burger... Today is a day I make phone calls. Already talked to my mother. Hard to catch other folks though. I don't use my phone every day. Saving quite a bit of money by not using my phone every day. My mother in Buffalo says that all the snow is gone. Wind and warm weather but they were spared from severe flooding. Now cold again. Still undecided about game on Saturday. I'll go or not go. It would be something to do. Holidays may be wonderful for some folks but they are dreary for me. I don't celebrate them in general (Thanksgiving I have in the past but no family here) so I'm not caught up in the hysteria that surrounds anything and everything in this consumer society. The religious side of it? I feel left out. And some of the customs annoy me at best. So... I slog through this upcoming 4 weeks. Usually by traveling. Apparently... not this year. |
| The pants to the suit I wore yesterday were a tad tight. And then I ate a full meal! ME:  It snowed lightly. Now it's slush. I don't care much for cold rain. 37º. Not today! Grey skies forever? Not. It just seems that way. In going through photos I get to revisit all the cats I've visited in various countries. Still need to sort and throw lots of stuff out. My bedding will be sprayed again tomorrow. Not too many bugs... but they are not entirely gone.  It may upset some folks but I do not like to think of Thanksgiving as a pro-military Christian only event. So when someone chooses to open a dinner with a prayer that excludes me I'm very unhappy. I may go to the game Saturday. Forecast for game time? 22º and possible flakes. Not exactly ideal... but doable. The other team is U of San Diego where it usually is around 70º. The Torreros are in for a cold day. Especially if the Griz play like they did last Saturday. It was a 34-7 rout. Totally unexpected. The town quiets down when the students are away. It snoozes as many take this week off to visit family or friends. The main game other than football is shopping. And I don't shop... I checked prices for a month long stay in Tromsø in January/February: $2,000 minimum. Three festivals (film, music, Sami... including a reindeer race). Tempting but expensive. If not this year next? Bingo... it must be Tuesday.  52,587 |
| ...wish me luck. Me: It may be rainy and cold tomorrow for the GAME. UM is trying to get into the playoffs. If they lose they stay home. My perfect scenario? UM wins and Idaho State wins and ISU comes to Montana next Saturday. MSU and EWU will both get bids.  Nick messaged me asking whether I want to go to the game... feeling a little down and weak at the moment but I said yes. I like Nick's company and he's being generous and I have nothing else planned. There will be about 26,000 at the game regardless. This is number 114. Unfortunately, rain doesn't help UM. They play poorly in the rain. But it is at home. Then again, they lost the last two times they played MSU at home. I do not understand the hysteria over immigration. Those that are opposed most vehemently are latter-day immigrants of European descent. Posted more photos of May 20th in Røros, Norway. Hopefully I'm done. Over 100 photos for a few hours. I still have lots of photos from Portugal to manage. I wish... I really wish. A bit depressed and tired. I'll be fine. Maybe take a nap? I mean... I ate a good meal, sat with a good friend... I have little or nothing to complain about. Day is dreary but I'm not in control of that. I'm sure my English friends could say much about that! I should just be thankful. |
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