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A door to my personal thoughts and feelings, made private on 11/29/08 |
Size: 109 Entries
Created: August 18th, 2007 at 11:07pm
Modified: August 10th, 2009 at 11:11pm
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This is my first ever blog. I once said that was crazy, why would people post their deepest thought over the web? Well I am here to find out what it's all about. Plus I thought it would give those of you that know me a little deeper insight to who I am. For those of you that don't me, here is your chance to find out what I am all about.
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August 10, 2009 at 11:11pm
August 10, 2009 at 11:11pm
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| to reread the time frame of Sid's breakdown. I still tear up. Thank You for bringing her back to us. |
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| Ryan no longer lives with us. He decided our rules were to hard and didnt want to follow them so he asked us to take him back to the shelter. Now he is living with a family in Apache. It's been about a month now and we have not heard anything from him. Devon is still here and doing good. He talks to much but if thats all thats wrong woith him I can deal with that. Justin moved back in. He said there was too much drama at Nicki and Jamie's. I believe that. She is very dramatic. Gets it from her momma. Leah's wedding is set for August 27. I'm not real excited about it but am being supportive for her benefit. Cindy is doing awesome. Completely back to herself. Even better. Only thing is we don't work together anymore but I've gotten used to it. It's not so bad. Gives me the opportunity to leave my house to go visit her at hers. We've started walking together and I've been excercing alot. Working out on the wii and with free weights. Most importantly Cindy and I are going to VEGAS!!! Sept 26th. I can't friggen wait. Totally excited about it. |
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| There is way to much to catch up and I don't have enough time to do it now. Just wanted to jot down that I am glad to have my journal back. I missed writing in it. So much is going on right now. I will try and catch everything up tonight after Nicki and Jaime's wedding. |
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| The weekend was good. Busy but good. Sid and Miko came over Friday evening and Sunday evening. Enjoyed their company. Jamie and Nichole came over Sunday evening also. Memorial Monday was a very lazy day. I did absolutely nothing. Which was a good thing. Sid's always telling me I need some down time. Well I got it Monday. I was a little depressed that day to. I think Im still suffering a little bit of loss. I hate working without Sid, I have gotten used to it but I hate it. Probably got too much down time though. Was pretty tired Tuesday. I didn't sleep very good that night. Gina has called in the past two days. Mike satyed and worked Tuesday thank God. We did 2600, we got our butts kicked. Working with Mike was fun but it wasn't the same as working with Sid. I sure miss working with her. I wish it could be her and I again. Not sure what my mom is up to. She has been extremely nice here lately. Even Grandpa said he noticed she was overly happy for the normal and had his guard up. Leah called expecting me to be all excited about her buying a new car. |
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| Been alot going on. Becky came to town for her nephews graduations. Had a lot of fun catching up with her. Scott and I are getting along better. He is being that sweet loving guy I like so much. Sid is doing awesome. Couldn't ask her to do any better. I do miss seeing her everyday. I told her today that I see that oneness between her and Mike again. They both have that glow again. Its so good to see that returned in them. They have decided to put the Altus building up for sell. That means if and when they sell it Mike will be working in the Lawton store. Still not real sure how I feel about that. I guess it kinda upset me because it just confirmed that Sid and I wont work together again. Which is what I have always feared. Her and I not working together causing us to not be as close as we have become. Past experiance has proven time and time again that you can feel extremely close to someone that you work with but when you no longer work together that closeness disappears. I don't think that would ever happen in this case but I'm still scared of it. Call it shell shock if you will but its real. As far as working with Mike I think it could be pretty cool. Well just have to wait and see how that goes. |
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| It has been a pretty busy week so far. We had a really good day yesterday at work. 2600. thats a great day actually. I didn't feel nearly as tired as I usually. But I realized that's because there was no new people working yesterday. Sid said it was because I didn't have to do all the thinking. I miss her. I really wish she could come back to work and stay healthy but the thought of her time in the store getting out of control scares me. Anyway. Becky is in town. I look forward to being able to visit with her. Devon is doing much better with controling his anger. Hopefully it will last. Will try to write more tonight. |
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| We got alot of stuff done today. House is very clean, grass is mowed, feild is mowed, both neighbors grass is mowed, cars are clean and laundry is done. All that and it is 6:40 and I still need to take a shower. Went to the casino with mom and Sid. Had a good time, spent more than I should have. Sid won 300 but turned around and put in the $5 machine. Good for her I guess. I couldnt have done it but its good to see here letting go of that stress and having some fun. You know not being so uptight about stuff. She says shes going to come back to work. I'm scared of that. I dont think she should. I miss her being there and would loveto have her back but just scared she'll forget about her limitations. We got Devon scheduled for anger counceling. He has a lot of rage towards his brother at times. We think it needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand. |
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Well it was a pretty good day for the most part. Work went well. It seemed busy to me but it wasn't. We only did $1300, but I was on the floor alot. Missed Sid a lot today. I've been doing okay with her not being there until someone askes about her. She says she's gonna start doing the admin stuff again soon. That's good for her. Everybody has to have a sense of purpose. She had decided not to take one of her medicines which had me really worried, but Mike talked to her and she has decided to stay on it. Thank you God, don't want to lose her again. We talked today about Scott and how I'm scared that I'm gonna lose him sooner than I should because of his drinking. Sid made me feel really really good. She said her and Mike had already talked about that and I am more than welcome to come live with them. She even said she would actually be mad if I didn't. She said they couldn't leave me with only the option of living with my family. I've thought about that alot. What it would be like to live there with them I mean. If I was to be completely honest with myself though, I would have to say that sometimes I feel like that's where I'm suppose to be. I mean I am happy with how my life turned out and being with Scott but I feel so much more "at home" when I'm there with them. More comfortable and content. Everything seems so natural when I'm around Sid. I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt for feeling that way though. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I sometimes don't feel like I'm where I'm suppose to be, doing whatever it is I'm suppose to doing. Speaking of Scott drinking...so much for his decision to only drink on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday's. Guess that just sounded good for the moment.
I went into detail on some of the things that happened to me growing up with Sid and Mike both today. Was a little strange talking about it in front of Mike since I've never really talked to anybody about it except Scott, Sid and Beck. He seemed a little shocked to hear some of the things I was saying. I guess Sid really kept that stuff to herself. It's cool when you find out something you told in confidance was kept that way. Makes you feel good. |
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| stressless weekend. Lissa text me at 6:30 this morning, So much for sleeping in too, to tell me she was sick. Too sick to work. I couldn't get ahold of Cameron or Gina. Left messages for both of them but never heard anything. Had to go to fricken work the first weekend I thought I was gonna have free. O well I guess that's the way life goes, huh? Went to work and talked to Stephen about being a closer. I guess I was wrong about him not wanting to do it. He accepted willingly. I like the idea of training him to close also. That just gives me more depth. If Gina keeps doing good I'll have her and then I'll get Jessica back and have her also. That would give me all of them except Dom which I'm not real sure I'm keeping anyway. Well actually I think Im gonna go ahead and let him go. I dont want to waste my time with him. |
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Well I did it. I gave her the password to my journal. She has full access to my deepest most personnel thoughts. I had knots in my stomach for a minute but I trust her. She says she already read January thru now. She said parts of it made her cry. I was afraid it would make her depressed again but I guess it really helped her to understand my point of view about what was going on with her. Also sholud have really let her know how I feel about her. If she didn't know before she knows now. She said something about coming back to work eventually. I want her back there cause I miss her but I don't want her there. I don't want her to ever go where she was and no matter how much she says she wont allow herself to get there that store pulls you in and sucks you under. I'm not gonna let her do it. I'm gonna argue it. I'm not gonna let her put herself in a dangerous position again.
I was looking forward to her and Mike coming over on Sunday but since I found out that Jamie and Nichole may come over it kinda took the excitement away. Not that I mind them coming over I was just really looking forward to some chill time with Sid and Mike. You know without the tension. I'm looking forward to getting to sleep in tomorrow also. The first weekend in a long time that I will have no stress. Well I take that back. It's mothers day weekend and I have no intentions of hanging out with my mother at all. I'll call her out of obligation but thats it. Then I'll probably feel guilty about it for a good part of the day. Other than that..no class, Sid is doing great, Grandpa is doing great, the store is looking good, I think I've found my groove at work and got off work early a couple of days this week. Things are getting better and I didn't even have to take the medicine. O and I haven't cried since Tuesday I think. |
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I called my grandpa this morning before I got to work. I had promised Sid I would thank him for her. He sounded really good. He said to tell Sid not to worry about it. That that is what people are suppose to do when other people need them. They are suppose to rally around them and support them. He is such a smart man. I know that the way I turned out has to be because of him.
I had a great talk with Sid last night. I really enjoy talking to her. We talk about the store and what was going on there. I think I am coming to grips with the fact that she isn't coming back. I can handle it. My only fear is Christmas, but I'll worry about that later. Then we talk about the things that she went through. She told me the thoughts that she was struggling with. Man, that's some scary shit. She even told me there was a point were she thought Mike and I were having an affair. I had wondered if she thought that. She keep saying there was times when she hated me. God, that was awful to hear. I am so glad she is getting better. I hate that she feared me like that. That she thought some of the awful things she did about me. But I know now that she truly knows the depth of my love and commitment to her. definitely best friends for life. |
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| So I never did start taking the meds. Still struggling with that. I want to think I'm strong enough to pull through this on my own. I know I can. I just needed some down time and to know that my bff was going to be okay. Gotta have her. Knowing she is okay, grandpa is doing good, no more classes and starting to find my grove at work without Sid there everything is starting to come together a little. Working with Mike is a little different, but pretty easy. He just pops in every now and then to see if I need anything then leaves. I pretty much run the store myself. If I need something all I have to do is call. It's still not the same without Sid. I guess it will just take some time to get used to her not being there. I am having fun rearranging the store and ordering new things though. I like being able to revamp the store the way I want. Especially after doing it and Sid telling me she really likes what I've done. Makes me feel more convidant in my abilities. I talked to her for a long time tonight. She wants to read this journal. Particularly the time frame where everything went wrong with her. I'm going to give her complete access to it. Thats a pretty gutsy move on my part but I trust her. Two things to fear from her having access: one~what if she reads something that offends her or causes her to look at me differently. Two~what if the stuff in this journal got out to other people. Looking at worse case number one: she's not shallow. we can talk about anything and why the hell do I always worry about her looking at me differently? Probably wouldnt worry about it too much anymore but these are raw emotions shes going to reading. I'll take that chance with her. Case number two~I have to trust her. Damn have a lot more to write about but didnt realise that it is 11 and I have to go to work tomorrow. |
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was doing better and coming to grips with the whole missing Sid thing but apperantly not. Was at work today and could feel myself becoming all gloomy. So I decided to call her and see what she was doing and talk to her for a while. After talking to her I felt better. The gloom went away. We had a busy day. We've been very busy the last couple of days. I haven't been able to work on the floor or the rearranging of anything. When I got off work I went to my moms to take her the stupid paper she wants me to sign for some insurance crap. She was all pissy as usuall. I guess the insurance company has decided to do some type of investigation into why the policy is in my name and note hers. Well she's pissed about it. I think she is blaming me for them wanting to do the investigation. I don't care. I really don't. I'm so tired of playing stupid games with her. I want her to be happy and not sad. I wish we could be a happy family but I dont ever see that happening. She has manipulated way to many times for me to trust her. She knows I worked all day and am tired she could have called and told me she didnt need that stupid paper. this is the shit that aggravates me and and keeps me from wanting to be close to her. Sometimes I feel guilty but then I remember this kind of shit and dont feel so bad anymore.
So I'm thinking maybe Sid was right about me going ahead and taking the medicine. She said it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and take it. I thought I should try it on my own. you know give the fact that we don't have to go to the classes a chance to have an effect. After today I think maybe I do need to take it. Here's why. At work got all depressed. Could feel a bad day coming on so called Sid and she talked to me for a while and it went away. Then tonight come home and hung out for awhile. Started to e-mail Sid and decided f*** it I'll call her. Talked to her and for some reason felt more depressed when I got off the phone. Held back tears and am fighting them now, not sure why. I guess I will start taking the meds tomorrow. |
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about the fact that reality hit me yesterday. I realized how much I had allowed myself to become dependant upon Cindy. By dependant I mean what happens with her affects me. I know that's natural between friends but I mean it affects me stronger than maybe it should. It's a little scarey to me to think that my whole world could be turned upside down by the actions of someone else. I don't mean turned upside down as in like the lose of a job or the reestablishing of friendships or like relocating to a new house or something like that. I mean turned upside down emotionally. Emoionally she could f*** me up. I've learned that this past month. I mean I kinda already knew it but I thought that it was just like a broken hearted kind of hurt but its not. It's so much more than that. I kind of feel guility because I don't feel the same way about my own husband. I mean I love him and I think he and I are great together but the depth isn't there like it is with Sid. It would crush me if anything ever happened to Scott and I but it would totally devastate me if something ever happened to Sid and I. It surprises me that I allowed myself to become so vulnerable to her the way I have. I mean not that I allowed it to happen because with her everything is so easy and I find that I am so comfortable around her. I sometimes fear that I feel so comfortable with her that I just start talking and talking because it is so easy, if she ever wishes I would shut up. What I mean is it just surprises me that I allowed myself to become so dependant and reliable on her. I guess I just never have known what it is like to really have someone who I can believe in and trust wholeheartedly. Everyone I was ever suppose to be able to trust or depend on screwed me over to include my own mom. The people I thought were my friends turned out to just be there for their own convience. Thank you for bringing her in my life. Please let me keep her forever and ever.
Another thing I have noticed about myself this past month is that I am less likely to put up with peoples shit. What I used to take in stride with no second thought now really bothers me alot more. I mean it's like I don't let it just roll off my back anymore. Things are sticking to me more and bothering more. I think that before now I would just be like what Sid calls sticking my head in the sand. For some reason I find myself not being able to just say f*** it. Like with my mom and my sister I don't feel like I have to deal with there shit out of obligation anymore. I mean, I used to think I had to because she was my mom or because she is my sister but it's become alot easier to blow them off and not feel so guility anymore. Maybe its an age thing or maybe its because Scott and Sid have taught me that the people you love don't hurt you. Its so weird to be involved in a family that you don't have to guard yourself with. I love these guys so much. I am so thankful for my life that I live now. Things are so surreal. When I think back to my life as a child and the environment and elements that surrounded me I would have never thought this is where I would be now. I always dreamed of a life like this. A great husband, nice house, good job, people I can trust and not fear. Surrounded by love and trust instead of hate and fear. Sometimes I feel like its all a dream. Like I'm not worthy of all this. Like it's all a dream and one day I'm going to wake up and everything I have come to love so much will be gone just like when I was a kid. |
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just another example of how my f***in day has went. I just sat here and typed a whole bunch of shit just so my dumb ass could hit the wrong button and lose all of it. Lets see, no air conditioner when I got to work, Gina calls in, Can't get ahold of Melissa( of course), don't have Dominique's phone number, had a doctors appointment I didn't think I was gonna get to go to. Only two things happened good today. Got to visit with Sid and neither boy was home when I got here.
Sid was in really good spirits. It is so good to be able to talk to her again. I need that. I've always known that she and are close but I never realized the depths of that closeness until now. There was a point this past month that I really felt like I couldn't move forward without her. I didn't realize how much I depended on her. The past five years I ve turned to her for everything and then all the sudden I was stripped of that. I was lost,I was scared without her, I was scared I was never going to get back what we had together. The only thing that kept me from going off the deep end was knowing that If given the chance, I could help her. I could talk her through this. She needed me personally and at work. To carry the store for her. If it wasn't for those two things coming to mind, I felt myself slipping. I truely think I was and still am suffering with some major grief. No, I don't think I know I was. I pray nothing ever happens to us or her because I'm not sure how I would handle it. If I could. On a happy note, I'm excited for her to see what we've done to the store. I think I've figured out a way to channel that depression I was feeling in the mornings into a positve outlet. I'm trying not to think so much about Sid not being there by turning my attention to revamping the store. Getting the kids to focus more on the customers and up selling and rearranging the store. Purchasing new things and putting some new ideas and designs out there and seeing what happens. So far so good. Did go to the doctor today. Wanted to get something to help me control my emotions. I think all this stress from the past month is catching up to me. Scott says Iv'e been being mean and I've notice my fuse has been shorter. My patience have been very thin. And the lack of being able to talk to my bff has really hurt. I tried to be so strong around her. Never showing her my emotions or how things were effecting me. I couldn't even talk about it without crying, hell sometimes still do. So long story short, gonna take some lexapro until I don't cry anymore. |
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Man I'll be glad when things slow down. We are almost done with the foster classes. That will be a big relief. Just to have the whole weekend back again. I can't wait. Things have been so hectic here lately. I'm starting to kind of get comfortable with running the store without Sid. Still a little scary though. Lonely too. Sid is making some progress. She's still struggling with what's real and what isn't. My heart breaks for her. It's got to be complete hell to fell like the two people you trust the most in the whole world may be out to get you. To fight that torment everyday, what a nightmare she is suffering. She has really bad mornings but slowly pulls through as the day progresses. I think my talks with her everyday are helping. I mean I think they help pull her through. The constant reassurance that none of this is real and that we love her seems to really help. I've decided to call her everyday in the mornings to try and help her over that morning time hump. Sometimes I'm afraid that maybe I call her to much or that maybe I go over there to much or maybe I just talk to much. I don't want her or Mike to ever think I'm over stepping my boundaries so to speak. I just love her and am really worried about her and want to help her get better. And I feel like going and seeing her lets her know I love her and talking with her helps her to talk about it and helps her sort out her feelings. Plus she tells me her fears and I can help her with those fears. I can reassure her that every thing is going to be okay. Last night we were talking in her kitchen and she said something about her paranoia towards me and Mike happening overnight. I told her that wasn't true. That it is something that has been progressing for sometime now. Went talked about it for awhile when she had another break through on the fact that all this is due to the head injury and this is what happens when she exceeds her limits. We discussed what she is capable of if she would just not exceed those limits. Trust and listen to Mike and I when we try to tell her that things are starting to get out of control and she should slow down. I know it's going to take some time for her to completely heal. I know she's going to have good days and bad ones but I hope she continues to talk to me and we can work through them together. She can get through this. I know she can.
Scott was very sweet the other night. He came in the living room and with a tiny tear in his eye and much conviction on his face and said to me that he was listening to music and sometimes that can make you think about things. He said that he understood that I was under a lot of pressure with work and Grandpa and Sid and my mom and just everything. He said he was sorry for giving me any shit lately and that he appreciated everything I was doing for Sid and that I should keep doing what I felt like I needed to do to help her. And thanked me |
April 21, 2009 at 10:46pm
April 21, 2009 at 10:46pm
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| Went to Sid's Sunday around 1ish. Stayed all afternoon untilabout 6:30. It started out as usuall. She was standoffish and seemed to be scared to open up. I have gotten used to that. It hurts but I keep reminding myself that it's not truely how she feels about me. But then something happened. I kept trying to strike conversation with her as I always have but this time she opened up. She listened to what I had to say. She asked me questions abourt what happened. Questions about what was going on and how Mike was doing and how all this came about. I went ahead and told her how it made me feel. That after working with her side by side for 5 or 6 years everyday seeing her and talking to her and building the friendship that had built then all the sudden all of that stop on a buttom for me. My friend wasn't there, I was on my own. No one to talk to scared to death I wa gonna lose her. I cried and showed my real emotions. I didn't try to be strong anymore. I just laid everything on the line. We discussed things that happened at the store and realized the way I was hiding the fact that I was hurting inside caused her to think I was mad at her. The more scared and confused I got the more she thought I was mad at her. Huge misunderstanding. We had a really, really good talk. She even told me that that was the first time that she felt like she could overcome this thing she is going through. We discussed working through it together and slowly. Baby steps is what I call it. We made a list of little things that she could do around the house to take some of the stress off of Mike. Things she could do to make her feel better about herself. I left her house feeling like we really really made a break through. She's going to be okay. My friend is going to pull through this. Monday was a great day. She did the things on the list plus some. She was really pumpeed up. She even called the store. I know that had to be a pretty gutsy thing since she didn't know who would answer the phone. She really is trying. I'm so proud of her. Like i've always said she is one of the strongest people I know. Tuesday was a little hard for her. It started hard. She went back to bed halfway through the day but got up when she remembered me telling her Mike wanted his wife back. I tried to encourage her to not over do it. Not to put to much on her that she goes backwards. I told her to stop trying to figure out everything. She doesn't need to try and figure everything out right now. Just concentrate on where she's at and moving forward from there. From everything she's told me the mornings seem to be the hardest on her. I'm gonna start calling her in the mornings so maybe I can help her not have a bad day. Maybe help her get off to the right start. God I hope I'm helping her. It seems like she's really starting to pull out. I just pray that we continue to make progress on getting the old Sid back. I miss her so much. I want my big sister back. |
April 18, 2009 at 11:24pm
April 18, 2009 at 11:24pm
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| The week was hard. Starting with both moms surgery and Grandpa's. Melissa was sick most the week and then the new girl's daughter was sick Thirsday and Friday. I've been going to work then either the hospital and and mom's or to Sid's to check on her. I really miss our talks. Even though I am visiting her it's not like we are really communicating the way we used to. And the mornings at work are really hard. Very lonely. I get really depressed if I think about it to much. I have to keep myself busy so to not break down about it. Melissa was trying to ask me about it the other day and I couldn't talk to her. I told her Sid wasn't doing that good and that I really couldn't talk about it or I'ld break down. She was really cool about it. She found something else to talk about really quick. I guess she'll be leaving somewhere around June. Jeff is having surgery on the 30th and will be out of work for at least two to three weeks. I hope the new girl doesn't flake on me. She seems to be catching on to everything very quickly and Cameron as really stepped up and been a big help as well. I did screw up the schwerz order though. I ordered peanuts from them and they were the wrong kind. So I had to send them back. Costing us $100. My first big screw-up. Grandpa is doing really good. He is even up and walking around. He's a real go getter. He is awesome. I hope as I age I ge more and more like him. My mom on the other hand. What a whinner. Big baby. I hope I'm never like that. Complain about everything. O'well she is who she is. Joan's blood pressure is really high. She's going to have some test run on her next week to try and find out wha's going on. Sid has her good day's and then bad days. I'm really confused and don't know what more to do. I want to help her. I want my friend back. I miss her so much. I have so much stress and no outlet anymore. I'm scared to lay anything on her. She askes me how I'm doing I tell her okay but I'm not. I just want to cry almost all the time. If I dont occupy my mind I start thinking about her and that's it. I depressed as hell. Scott says I've been being short with everyone. I dont see it but I'm sure he's right. I'm exhausted and hurt. My heart is broken. I think I'm gonna call the doctor on Monday and try to get an appt. with him and see if he can give me something to help me with all this stress. Something to help me not be so depressed about everything. |
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| Grandpa's srgery was Monday and it well. He is doing good and recovering well. Mom's surgery went well also. She seems to be doing well recovering also. Sid on the other hand, not recovering as well as I would like her to. Tuesday was not real good for her. She's still thinking we are against her. God that kills me. I keep trying to assure her that we are not against her, that all we want is for her to get better. She thinks Mike and I are talking about her behind her back. God I just want her to be at peace again. For her to be happy and comfortable. Not scared of those that love her. Work as been a bitch all week. I had decided not to be afraid to just pick up right where Sid left off, but Lissa has been sick all week which left me with the new girl by myself until 2 oclock. That as really took its toll on me. I'm tired as hell and want my friend back. |
April 12, 2009 at 12:06am
April 12, 2009 at 12:06am
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| So went to Sids today. Wanted to spend some time with her, talk with her and let her know I love her. At first she was really withdrawln. Almost as if she was mad at me. It's beacuse she doesn't trust me at first. She even asked me what I was doing there. I explained to her that I wanted to be there so I could be with her. She is my best friend and she is hurting and I need to be there for her. She would be there for me if I was suffering. I know she would. She didn't argue about that. She hadn't ate yet. Mike said good luck with getting her to eat anything. I have always been pretty good at getting her to eat. Thank God she did finally eat the other half of my cheeseburger and half the brownies mom sent over. Mike left for a while to run some erronds and take the dogs for a ride. While he was gone I really started talking to Sid. At first she was standoffish but finally opened up to me. She just needs to be constantly reassured that we love her and wont let anyone hurt her. That she is going to be able to stay in her own house forever. That we are not going to let anyone come get her. She finally opened up to me enough that we fell asleep together in the chair. When Mike came home it woke us up and I went outside and set in the sun. I had been trying to get Sid to go out there with me before Mike left but she wouldn't. I thought the sun might do her some good. I sat out there for a few minutes and then she came out and sat with me. We talked for a few minutes and I told her that I meant every word I said before we had fallen asleep. Things would be the same. I promised. Mike came out and we all sat and talked for awhile then Sid got up and said she was going to go lay down so Mike and I could talk. I told her there was no need for that. If we wanted to talk we would do it with her there. I was there to talk to her not Mike anyway. She acted as if she didn't believe me. So i told her was going to just follow her to bed if she didnt stay. Thats what I did. I followed her to bed. We got in bed and slept off and on for about an hour and half before I decided Scott might be getting upset about me spending the whole afternoon over there. I told her several times that I had to go home but it was so hard to leave her. I wanted to stay there with her and keep holding her. Keep helping her feel comfort. She caught me crying, it was hard to fight back the tears. I was trying to be strong in front of her but that didn't go over so well. So I went ahead and told her how much I need her and asked her not to leave me here alone. She said okay just don't let them take her. I told her again no one was going to take her anywhere. That she was home and safe now. There was no one coming and we werent going to leave her anywhere, but she had to promise not to hurt herself again because we have no control then. She said okay. I hugged her and laid back down by her side for a few more minutes. I told her I really had to go. Not that I wanted to but I had to. I promised her I would be back tomorrow, tucked her in the covers and kissed her on the forhead. Mike told me Scott had called which didnt surprise me it was four oclock I told him I would be home around two or three. He has to understand. Im not gonna leave my friend when she needs me and she needs me now. I will be there for her no matter what. |
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Oh hey I hope your baby boy chawinnie is allright. That sounds like it could be serious. I've not read enough of yur blogging to know if you aare talking about a dog here or what? And who or what are the girls that nipped him? Just curious.