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Rated: GC · Book · Personal · #1242169
A continuation of my criminal blogging behavior.
IN THE WRITING.COM DISTRICT COURT
FOR THE DISTRICT OF MICHIGAN


Criminal Action No. 96-938-2

WRITING.COM

         Plaintiff,

vs.

Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon

         Defendant.

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REPORTER'S TRANSCRIPT
(Trial to Jury - Volume 222)

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         Proceedings before the HONORABLE The StoryMaster Author Icon, Judge, Writing.Com District Court for the District of Michigan, commencing at 8:49 a.m., on the 5th day of April, 2007, in Chambers C-234, Writing.Com Courthouse.

PROCEEDINGS


(In open court at 8:49 a.m.)
         THE COURT: Please be seated.
         The jury has informed that they have arrived at their findings and recommendation. I caution all present to avoid any reaction to these findings and the recommendation, either audibly or visibly. And if anyone violates that, we'll have to remove them.
         Obviously, it will take some time to read these findings, as the recommendation is the last thing read; so please be careful and comply with this request.
         We'll return the jury.

(Jury in at 8:53 a.m.)
         THE COURT: Members of the jury, have you arrived at your special findings and recommendation?
         JURORS: Yes.
         THE COURT: If the foreman will please hand that to Diane Author Icon, who will hand it to me.
         Members of the jury, you will please listen to the reading of your Special Findings Form A. These findings apply to all 1184 counts.
         Under Section I, Obsessive Ranting:
         The defendant intentionally ranted without ceasing for multiple blog entries. Answer: Yes.

         Section II, Repeatedly Beating A Dead Horse
         The deaths or injuries resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 18 Writing.Com Code Section 844(d), flogging a horse until death. Answer: Yes.

         Section III, Unnecessary Use of Curse words
         The defendant used language to be found offensive during multiple occurences and showed no regard for taste or appropriate expression of emotion. Answer: Yes.

         Section IV, Boring Daily Recounts
         Death or injury resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 22 Writing.Com Code Section 413(c), recounting daily activity to a point of extreme boredom. Answer: Yes.

         Section V, Pointless Entries
         The defendant shared needless details of her life via multiple entries, often multiple times in a row. Answer: Yes.

         Section VI, Contradictory Statements
         The defendant often confused her readers through contradictory statements. Answer: Yes.

         Section VII, Recounting Toilet Actions
         The defendant needlessly reflected on bathroom activities. Answer: Yes.

         Section VIII, Overdramatization Of Insignificant Things
         The defendant made several mountains out of single molehills. Answer: Yes.

         Section IX, Overreacting To Meaningless Gestures
         The defendant showed a propensity to fly off the handle for actions deemed appropriate and helpful. Answer: Yes.

         Section X, Unnecessary Temper Tantrums
         Death or injury resulting in death occured during the commission of an offense under 18 Writing.Com Code Section 312(a), throwing a temper tantrum in a public forum. Answer: Yes.

         Section XI, Cruelty Towards Animals, Superiors, Peers, And Inferiors
         The defendant showed no regard for life in general. Answer: Yes.

         Section XII, Repeated Bad Grammar, Spelling, And Opinionations
         The defendant shows no respect for her college education. Answer: Yes.

         Section XIII, Mitigating Factors
         (1) Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon believed herself to be in the right each time she commited one of the 1184 counts. Number of jurors who so find: 0.
         (2) Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon received encouragement and support from others to commit each of the 1184 counts. Number of jurors who so find: 4.
         (3) Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon is a reliable person in work and in her personal affairs and relations with others. Number of jurors who so find: 7.
         (4) Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon is a patient and effective teacher when she is working in a supervisory role. Number of jurors who so find: 5.
         (5) Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon is a good and loyal friend. Number of jurors who so find: 12.
         (6) Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon is a good mother and wife. Number of jurors who so find: 10.

         Recommendation, XIV:
         The jury has considered whether the aggravating factors found to exist sufficiently outweigh any mitigating factor or factors found to exist, or in the absense of any mitigating factors, whether the aggravating factors are themselves sufficient to justify a sentence of life in prison. Based upon this consideration, the jury recommends by unanimous vote that the following sentence be imposed:
         The defendant, Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon, shall be sentenced to a period in prison not shorter than 18 years and not longer than life.
         The Special Findings appear to be signed by all jurors and dated April 5, 2007.

         XV. Certification:
         By signing below, each juror certifies that consideration of race, color, religious beliefs, national origin, or sex of the defendant or the victims was not involved in reaching his or her individual decision and that the individual juror would have made the same recommendation regarding a sentence for crimes in question no matter what the race, color, religious beliefs, national origin, or sex of the defendant or the victims.
         Apparently signed by all jurors and also dated April 5, 2007.
         Mr. Foreman, was these and are these the jury's special findings and recommendation:
         JURY FOREMAN: Yes, they are.
         THE COURT: And so say you all?
         JURORS: Yes.

         THE COURT: Section XVI. Sentencing
         Melissa is fashionably late! Author Icon, the court finds you guilty on all 1184 counts of blog criminal activity. You are hereby sentenced to life in prison, with no chance of parole for a minimum of 18 years.

         Court is in recess.
         (Recess at 9:37 a.m.)

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