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Thoughts during an emotional time |
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CARP Just spent one of the longest days of my life trying to figure out why someone who supposedly loves me can expect me to watch him destroy himself. I also don't understand how he can't understand why I feel the way I do about it. Carp is in Chestnut Ridge hospital going through detox because of his alchol abuse. After a major 2 week binge of drinking, pills and not eating he tryed to cold turkey and ended up having a major seizure. Thank God I had gotten home right before it happened because if I hadn't Jacob would have been here by himself. Luckily Jacob who is just 6 had just left the house when the man who he considers his dad started convulsing. It scared the hell out of me so I can't even imagine what it would have done to the little guy. So now the man that I have spent the last 3 yrs. with is lieing in a hospital bed fighting for his life. I have no idea how he is or anything because the hospital won't tell me anything because we aren't married. I have to wait for him to get well enough to call me before I will know anything. That is if he wants to talk to me. I after all called the ambulance and made him go to the hospital against his wishes. He stayed on his own but I don't know if he is really committed to staying sober. I do know that if he doesn't stop then I am going to leave him and the home that we have worked so hard and long for. I can not go through this again. I won't go through this again. I am not going to sit by and watch him kill himself. I am not going to let him destroy me or Jacob in the end. |
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