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Sanity is Over-Rated

by The Evil Penguin

Rated: 18+ · Book · Biographical · #1199884

The chronicles of a frustrated writer

Tim is a charismatic and vigorous man who likes to refer to himself in the third person and narrate his own movement and gestures as stage directions. He is a talented and gifted writer with a promising career ahead, as attested to by numerous creditors. Tim is a man of action, a risk taker, who does not blink at drinking milk past its expiration date nor occasionally sleeping with an open window.
Tim was born the son of a poor goat herder in the hills of Northern Phrygia. At the age of 11 he vanquished his mutant sister in a game of hide and seek becoming sole heir to a vast empire of dung hills and the largest earth-friendly landscaping business in the Mediterranean. At the age of twelve while his father was napping he assumed control of his father's empire and led his marauding goats to plunder, pillage, and conquer Greece, Persia, Carthage, the English Highlands, Narnia, and that neighborhood in Beverly Hills where all of those annoying 20 year old teenagers hang out. Rather than just carve a naked swath of razed landscape, Tim the Conqueror, - Tim the Great, or the 'Big T' - built roads, hung telephone lines, and established thousands of McDonalds, Block Buster Videos, and Walmarts. To this day, the people of these violated nations resent him. Tim's plan for global domination was ended early when his Mom called him home for dinner.
At the age of 13 Tim was elected Dhali Lama by a lewd congress of presbyters. During his office he imposed a sur tax on free love, outlawed negative intergers, built a bowling alley, and fought for legislation requiring stricter documentation on transcendental meditation.
Tim has ridden a train. Tim's greatest ambition is to open a bag of Cheetoh's without it exploding yellow cheese dust all over his white, cotten, fluffy pirate shirt. Fan's wishing to send gifts to Tim are asked not to send sharp objects and when visiting, not to step over the yellow line and to never, he repeats NEVER touch the glass. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

twinkledee ♥'s you

Apr 19, 2010 at 12:52am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Wow, that sucks about your job. I'm surprised they can do that. It seems a bit weird... but I assume you signed some sort of contract stating this sort of thing can happen? Like, we can have you work now but we can tell you to bugger off whenever we like. I don't think I'd be too willing to do that. However, come to think of it, I'm almost doing the same thing right now! I've actually been "tentatively" hired for my new job. They are having me for a 10 day trial/probationary period and are paying me properly and everything... yet no job is actually guaranteed. So, I'm hired... but I'm really not.

And YAY for your new job! That worked out really well for you. It's funny how things in life just seem to slot into place sometimes. I'm sure it's happened now for a good reason. Maybe it will turn into a full time position later on down the track?

The Evil Penguin

Apr 12, 2010 at 7:04pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Good question, Twink. By 'tentatively hired' I'm saying that my professional status there is a 'definite maybe.' It's all bureaucracy (which is a difficult word to spell) in the American school system. Someone is occasioned to vacate their position. The immediate supervisor forwards the requisition to fill that vacancy up through several dozen tiers of management until it reaches the one desk who's sole responsibility is to fill that one particular position should it ever be required to be filled. He/she posts the job position on the internet posting whose address can only be acquired by Googling "having sex with extraterrestrial chimpanzees while watching Wheel of Fourtune." NB, "Fourtune" needs to be misspelled thus for this to work. After the above-mentioned supervisor has garnered 50 applications or his horoscope tells him to check the mailbox (whatever comes first), he then sets out to interview the said applicants. Now comes the expedient part. The fifth interviewee he meets with on the third Thursday after the fifth full moon of an odd-numbered year - he hires, or rather 'tentatively' hires pending confirmation at the next board meeting by a coven of albino twitches which takes place at the next Maypole ceremony hosted by a celebrity whose name has the letter 'Q' in it.

twinkledee ♥'s you

Apr 12, 2010 at 7:45am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I think WdC did die a little for awhile, but maybe it's picking up again now. I mean, we're both back aren't we? If that's not reason enough, then I don't know what is!

twinkledee ♥'s you

Apr 12, 2010 at 7:43am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Welcome back!

"Lazy by choice" - that's awesome. I'm sure many people can relate so I won't harass you about it too much.

How do you get tentatively hired? They hire you and then say "but we're really not that sure... but start anyway." Good on you though, sounds like a decent job! Maybe it will last longer than you think.

dragonfly~guess who's back?

Nov 20, 2007 at 12:03pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

that is good motivation! nice job!

dragonfly~guess who's back?

Nov 6, 2007 at 1:24pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Excellent! Congrats on the new car, that is such a fun feeling. I hope you get to keep it without any problems.

You look like you are going to be around regularly now! Glad to see it!!

KimChi

Nov 1, 2007 at 2:41pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Just say you couldn't see with the Dementor mask on!

I get your message. I need more professionalism and less blogging myself, but I'm not ready to be serious about writing yet. I think you have the right attitude, and your discipline will translate into cashola down the road.

GG very happy

Oct 27, 2007 at 1:49am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

You know Tim, you're wasting your money by never coming on here!

Where have you disappeared to this time?

dragonfly~guess who's back?

Oct 4, 2007 at 11:53am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Tim, I heard a rumor you were back--glad to see it's true! I missed you!

Glad you got out of hell all right--I don't even go to Denny's to eat now! It served it's purpose in high school, and in the clubbing days when the clubs would close and that was the only place left open, but not anymore, no thanks!! Waitressing anywhere is fairly bad, though. Ugh. Glad I'm not doing that any more.

Mmmmm, mozzarella...

GG very happy

Oct 2, 2007 at 7:22pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

So you've set your sister straight have you? Were you nice about it?

I must say you're excuses are more than a little flimsy for just dropping off the face of the Earth like you did, but I suppose we'll have to forgive you. Welcome back Tim!

#55. As I was saying ...
ID #721512 entered on April 4, 2011 at 4:46pm

#54. And Now For Something Completely Different....
ID #693556 entered on April 18, 2010 at 6:47pm

#53. And I Wait....
ID #693002 entered on April 12, 2010 at 7:22pm

#52. Okay. This Time I'm Back for Good
ID #692836 entered on April 10, 2010 at 10:43pm

#51. A Change in Scenery
ID #574573 entered on March 19, 2008 at 2:16pm

#50. Print out of Luck
ID #549037 entered on November 13, 2007 at 11:43pm

#49. I love my new car
ID #547759 entered on November 8, 2007 at 3:06pm

#48. New Wheels!!!
ID #547175 entered on November 6, 2007 at 1:08am

#47. To E or not to E. That is the Publishing Question.
ID #546485 entered on November 3, 2007 at 4:56pm

#46. Running With Scissors
ID #546106 entered on November 2, 2007 at 12:18am

#45. Blogging to the point of Distraction
ID #545858 entered on November 1, 2007 at 12:24am

#44. Back to Writing
ID #539053 entered on October 2, 2007 at 12:49am

#43. Thanks for the Plug, Mel
ID #509248 entered on May 17, 2007 at 8:35pm

#42. Personality Inventory
ID #508156 entered on May 13, 2007 at 8:43pm

#41. Time is fun when you're having flies
ID #507758 entered on May 13, 2007 at 8:40pm

#40. Who Pimped My Spaceship?
ID #505530 entered on May 1, 2007 at 11:32pm

#39. Whine, anyone?
ID #505133 entered on April 30, 2007 at 5:30pm

#38. A poem and a challenge
ID #504480 entered on April 27, 2007 at 8:57am

#37. Gun Control?
ID #504192 entered on April 26, 2007 at 12:29am

#36. A Pause in the Drama
ID #503707 entered on April 26, 2007 at 12:50am

#35. Take my family.....PLEASE!!
ID #502759 entered on April 19, 2007 at 3:40pm

#34. Thank you very much, fairy God Mom/Pop
ID #502076 entered on April 16, 2007 at 11:59am

#33. Tim, the Lazy One
ID #501739 entered on April 14, 2007 at 8:36pm

#32. Update on the Interview
ID #499336 entered on April 3, 2007 at 3:43pm

#31. How Tim got his groove back
ID #498994 entered on April 1, 2007 at 9:37pm

#30. One Week to Go
ID #497603 entered on March 25, 2007 at 10:35pm

#29. I'm 14 Now!
ID #496932 entered on March 22, 2007 at 4:39pm

#28. I still can't sleep
ID #496602 entered on March 21, 2007 at 4:45am

#27. Baby, I'm back., I got my life back.
ID #496306 entered on March 19, 2007 at 5:39pm

#26. First 1000 words
ID #492777 entered on March 5, 2007 at 7:48pm

#25. I'm back
ID #491620 entered on March 1, 2007 at 10:05pm

#24. Got the bug
ID #490855 entered on February 26, 2007 at 10:29pm

#23. What's in a name? PLEASE VOTE
ID #490313 entered on February 24, 2007 at 7:18pm

#22. Blame it on Mel
ID #489950 entered on February 22, 2007 at 8:19pm

#21. Ashes to Ashes
ID #489578 entered on February 22, 2007 at 2:37am

#20. Yea!! My first Merit Badge!
ID #489169 entered on February 19, 2007 at 7:34pm

#19. Sunday Confessional
ID #488919 entered on February 18, 2007 at 5:08pm

#18. Happy Late VD! Spread the Love
ID #488519 entered on February 16, 2007 at 5:50pm

#17. Breakthrough!
ID #487826 entered on February 13, 2007 at 4:23pm

#16. Creep Show
ID #487218 entered on February 11, 2007 at 12:24pm

#15. Writer's Block
ID #486870 entered on February 9, 2007 at 5:17pm

#14. There's only one 'y' in Sidney
ID #486036 entered on February 5, 2007 at 10:05pm

#13. Coincidence? I think not
ID #485815 entered on February 4, 2007 at 11:38pm

#12. Finally got my picture working!
ID #485595 entered on February 4, 2007 at 4:06am

#11. What do you want from writing?
ID #485250 entered on February 2, 2007 at 5:57pm

#10. 500 points award
ID #484783 entered on January 31, 2007 at 7:13pm

#9. Milk, bread, and toilett paper
ID #484163 entered on January 28, 2007 at 7:38pm

#8. Back to reality
ID #483930 entered on January 27, 2007 at 2:17pm

#7. Rave Review and a Prospective Project
ID #483230 entered on January 23, 2007 at 8:47pm

#6. I can't sleep
ID #482851 entered on January 22, 2007 at 1:46am

#5. I'm off the E list!
ID #482343 entered on January 19, 2007 at 8:48am

#4. The power of blogging
ID #482042 entered on January 17, 2007 at 7:23pm

#3. My Portfolio
ID #481564 entered on January 15, 2007 at 3:52pm

#2. Finally Posted
ID #480503 entered on January 10, 2007 at 8:03pm

#1. First day on the job
ID #480036 entered on January 8, 2007 at 7:19pm

© Copyright 2011 The Evil Penguin (UN: jtimothy at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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