The Minefields of Separation and Divorce

Do it Yourself and Save

Who says you need a lawyer? Your ex-partner may need one, but if you have access to the internet, have time (if not then make time, because lawyers are not cheap) and half a brain (that's about all most lawyers have anyway) you can negotiate most of the issues you will face from beginning to end. When you first separated and moved out of the family home, try not to think of that date being the end, think of it as the beginning. I myself wanted to give my ex a chance to get whatever bee was buzzing up her ass time to disappear.

I moved out and set a date...one year...to fuck whoever she wanted, to realise that in fact, she didn't have such a bad guy, that the grass was not greener on the other side. But, after a year, I realised that I was getting strung along. Her bills needed paying, but she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. So, I made the decision to get the ball rolling. The family home was eventually sold, we both had lawyers and mine drew up the Consent Orders for the distribution of the assets pool.

You should start at 50/50 and work from there. The primary carer of the children will receive slightly more. Then there are other factors looked at such as any lump sum payouts, inheritances or property already held before you started living together. But really...it won't move much from the 50/50 mark. It won't matter if one person was the main breadwinner and the other a home keeper because in the end those roles are seen as being just as important as each other, and so negate each other.

These negotiations can and should be done between the both of you, and there are plenty of Family Relationship Centres around to help mediate (call them sooner rather than later because they are the first port of call for anything Family Court, and can be weeks before they see you and months before any real outcomes seen). Any unrealistic demands are usually the cause of bringing in the cavalry, unfortunately, the cost of that decision can outweigh the value of what you're arguing over and often it is better to allow such things to pass you by. Things such as furniture are deemed close to worthless by the courts, and so arguing over a coffee table doesn't make good business sense assuming there are other more valuable items to be split between the parties.

You will be required by law to have a lawyer go over the draft proposal for the Consent Orders (property or children). They may weigh in with their valued opinion if it is fair or not, but common sense should tell you if you are around the 45% mark or above, the registrar of the Family Court should stamp the orders. There are other areas where you may need assistance. As assets are sold, such as a family home, rental properties or land etc, these monies are held in trust until orders are stamped by the court for their distribution (and remember that any interest earned during the time before distribution also has fees attached, and keep the account details, invoices and interest accrued to put in with that year's tax return). So, as much as I don't like it, lawyers are at times a necessary evil. But, you should do as much of the leg work as you can...unless you like handing your hard-earned to overpriced colour by numbers money grabbers, then by all means.

Divorce was my next move, once I knew that I was not on her to-do list, it was an easy decision to make. But, I again made the mistake of using a lawyer to do the work...and the money promised to me from my ex for half of the fees for OUR divorce never came. The bottom line is all it takes is a year apart, the lodgement fee to the Family Court on the correct forms, signed by the right people in the right places, and a couple of months later the certificate can be filed along with the marriage certificate for future reference.