Complex Numbers

Urine Good Hands

Entry #3 for

Journalistic Intentions  (18+) This is for the journal keeping types that come to PLAY! New round starts July 1! #2213121 by Turkey DrumStik

Golden State Urology

My adolescent sense of humor has long provided me with the means to come up with exceptionally amusing names for different professionals and businesses. Inspired by the Three Stooges (The Holy Trinity of comedy) with their law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, I came up with things like a dentist named Dr. Paine and an astronomy professor named Dr. Starr.

But, as with all things, the real world exceeded my meager imagination. For example, the spokesperson for the local power company, was, for a while, a guy named Phil Sparks.

You can't make this shit up. Well, you can, but you wouldn't be believed.

Or the state lottery PR manager who, at one time, was a woman named Paula Otto. (Get it? Poor Lotto? Well. I thought it was amusingly appropriate.)

So Golden State Urology can be considered, at best, a minor contender for Amusingly Appropriate Names. I mean, after all, you only need them if your pee *isn't* golden, right? Or if you're getting a vasectomy. Urologists do those, too. When I got mine, the urologist was kind of snippy.

It would be more appropriate to get a colonoscopy from a Dr. Brown which, given the frequency of that particular surname (behind only Smith and Jones in the US, last time I checked), it would be really strange if there were no proctologists with that name. But, as usual, I can't be arsed to look it up; besides, who wants that in your search history? Bad enough I've been going down a Google rabbit hole of British monarchs from the 1500s, so I'm probably on a List somewhere as "someone who likes beheadings."

One of these days I'm going to get in trouble for my internet searches, and I'll be presenting my WDC portfolio as evidence of my innocence. "I'm a comedy writer! Of course I searched for 'How to commit a funny murder!' Oh, and don't look at my porn."

But I digress. There are, of course, fewer appropriate surnames than there are unrelated ones, and I really should be saving this discussion for if one or more of the first four prompts come up. But the nature of pulling these up at random leads to the possibility that I won't get to talk about Dr. Croissant or Dr. Brain. If they do come up, well, I trust my own croissant-craving brain to come up with something else that's mildly amusing.

I'll close with two observations: Once, in my cross-country travels, I came across this place  , although a quick search tells me that the specific location of Bacon Printing Company that I found is no longer in business. That's sad. Point is, though, I was hoping that I found the place that prints BACON, but alas, it's just a regular printing company that uses paper.

As for my second closing observation, Robert Waltz can't dance.