Porthole

What have I understood?

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Blogging Circle of Friends   (E) A group for WDC bloggers. #1901868 by Lyn's a Witchy Woman

Day: September 8, 2020 Prompt: It wasn't until I was older that I understood...

I could be me and still be loved and have a life.

Mind you, I'm still dealing with 'me' and 'all-you-all' and this organic opportunity on a minor planet in a minor solar system in a minor galaxy... what some people refer to as 'having a life'.

As a child I understood and loved flowers... perhaps because they were mostly quiet, didn't move fast and I could see and smell them. Also, weeds didn't cost anything and neither did abandoned plants. I still rescue them. This has almost been a constant in my life.

But not everything was quite so constant. I've always been curious about people, languages, culture and moved away from home, then further and by 22 I was an exchange student in Costa Rica. I purposely lived in small towns, inner-city and rural areas to gain experience. But I didn't really start to travel until 2009 and although I was fascinated by Norway I didn't get there till 2012. Japan was 2015. Kenya is still on my list. I understood at 60 what I knew at 11.

These are the easy things to talk about. Although neither were valued where I grew up they are somewhat acceptable in society in general.

The hard stuff I've written about in some detail elsewhere.

Do I understand...

To be me: is to not be unique. That was startling to find out! But I'm still a bit 'rare' ... 'odd' some may say and it was life-saving when someone (thank-you Kevin and your family) was willing to embrace that. Now folks say 'no big deal', but it was a big deal to me. Unfortunately, I come with a ton of faults and that burden I still carry.

To be loved: perhaps at a distance. Close-up doesn't seem to work for me. I'm like garlic. A little bit goes a long long way.

To have life: I don't have someone else's life ... I just have mine. At times I am willing to share my life. Most times I don't. Finding connection with people who dine out every night, rush off to shop at WalMart on a whim, who have 'too-much' family, a thousand work and social obligations... is a struggle. If they don't garden, travel or write ... what do we talk about? Since politics, religion and sex are taboo in some circles ... the weather?

Yeah, at least at the Senior Center I got a hug from Merry today (we sit outside to eat lunch). That's twice now in September! I always have needed smiles and support but these last six-months have shown me how much I really need hugs.

Who knows what lesson I'll need to learn next year. Who knows what epiphany of understanding awaits me.

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