Evolution of Love 2

Achievements

My daughter feels this about so many challenges of posting a picture on face book. I always felt this but could not put it into words, so sharing her thoughts!

I see a black and white picture of a young girl and think "oh she's gorgeous!". I see one more of another woman, then a few more and yet some more, till my timeline is flooded with them. They are all beautiful, and yet, this "challenge" makes me uncomfortable. There is something flawed with it fundamentally.

You are not beautiful only because you look pretty. And you certainly don't need me or anyone else to validate it. You're beautiful because of what's behind that pretty face. You're beautiful because you're kind, you're smart, you're shy or you're not. What attracts me to you is not your perfect nose or crooked teeth, it's the way you hold a conversation and the way you snort when you laugh, or when you burp unexpectedly. You're beautiful despite the shape of your eyes or your perfect cheekbones, you're beautiful because of the way you think. You're beautiful when you carry on with your life ignoring the cramps your period brings you every month. You're beautiful when you cry because you feel someone else's pain and you're beautiful when your mind is coming up with new ideas. You're beautiful when you fart freely and giggle endlessly.

Such challenges are counter productive. We are asking women to put out pictures on social media so others can validate that in fact they do look beautiful. How far do we have to progress to recognize that you're not beautiful because of your looks alone? That your confidence shouldn't stem from it? And anyway, people don't need to tell you that for you to believe so. When you think of the most beautiful person in your life, how often is it their looks alone you're thinking of? Is it not more about how they make you feel?

We are in the twenty first century. Women are scientists, politicians, doctors, engineers, artists and financial analysts. They've managed to break shackles of how they look and moved past it, why can't we?

And here's my final pitch, if you want to show solidarity and support to the women in your life, go talk to them. Listen to them when they tell you their stories, about how they struggle to just be themselves, in a blatantly patriarchal world. And for that matter, reach out to the men in your lives as well. Patriarchal values are harming all of us.

So put out whichever photo you want to, unapologetically. But let's not be naive enough to believe that it will act as a substitute for solidarity. The problem is not with people thinking they are not beautiful. The problem is with our definition of beauty. It's just not wide enough to be inclusive and all encompassing. Let's start by changing what we think is beautiful.