Sandy Supposes....

The Mother of All Inventions

          This entry begins my first entry into "The Bard's Hall Contest" 

         

         

         

         

         

         

         A new invention for mankind? Have you not seen the power tools and gadgets most men hoard? What about womankind, specifically mothers? I propose a coping mechanism for mothers, mothers of teenagers. Teenagers possess a most irksome characteristic or ability. They have selective hearing. Somehow they are able to tune out their mothers' voices at any decibel, whispering, pleading, and especially shouting. As a group they are resistant to nagging as well.

I dallied with appropriate names for my innovation. I shook my head with The Prodder. I did not like its association with a cattle prod plus it's too drastic and more than likely painful. How about The Stimulator? It is closer to the expectations of mothers, but still not quite right. I hit upon a name based on the friendly, non-threatening acronym, Tim. The Teenager Insolence Manager seems to hit the ol' stubborn, cheeky teenager on the head, so to speak. Like the mothers who want, no, need this invention, it will be a multi-tasker.

Now, I've considered the average teen's preoccupation with their appearance in my design. My gadget does not hamper or hinder their personal style. No one will ever perceive they are carrying it much less know it came from a mother. I'd describe it as discreet.

After vigorous testing, I recommend that the installation age be thirteen. This is the cusp of the dreaded teen years.

This gizmo is impervious to water, cologne / perfume, and perspiration. If I may say so, it's a stickler, guaranteed to adhere.

I considered the impact my creation would cause. It will grab a teen's attention totally. There will be no dilly dallying. It is a shock, a swat to the backside, a motivator. It simply cannot be ignored. The teenager will become alert ,ready to receive and process a managerial request from its mother.

Of course, mothers will be issued an uncomplicated remote control, one they will understand and operate without the expertise / input from said teens. It's vast range eliminates the need for close proximity. This is intended to minimize the moms' exertions. No real life application of a well-placed, attention-grabbing, motivating kick to the posterior. After all, did mothers not expel copious energy and effort during birth, also known aptly as labour? Did they not also shed blood, sweat, and tears to wean, to potty train, to teach, to feed, to clean, to clothe, and to referee? This life-changer is exertion-free.

Oh, what exactly is my ingenious invention? It's a tiny chip injected into the base of the skull, no fuss, no muss. It receives a message from the remote and it reads this as a request to administer a wee electrical zap, or jab. Is your teen out gallivanting and ignoring his or her curfew? Remind them with a zing. Is your offspring lounging refusing to vacate his or her bed? One quick zap will bring them to their feet. Has a chore been avoided? You've got it, utilize Tim.

Perhaps the marketing campaign will consist of catchy phrases like "spark your teen's response" or "invite Tim into your home."

Never fear, ladies! I am developing a prototype for exasperated wives to use on their husbands. The male spouse, alas, also possesses the selective hearing gene, and they have a predisposition to procrastination. Again, this product's name is key to both marketing purposes and customer expectation. This is certainly not my final choice, but it's a working invention moniker. What about The Whip? No, no, not the applier of pain, but Wrangle Husbands Into Production. Sigh, this is a process. I anticipate a plethora of orders.