Incursion

Chapter 12: Raison D'etre

It was past ten in the evening by the time Goliath and I managed to return to Haven. During the entire way back to the safety of our hideout, I had to fend off multiple attempts by the weapons specialist to get me to slow down.

“Ian, will you slow down already? Genel said she’s fine. She’ll still be there when you—”

I ignored Josh’s umpteenth attempt to placate me as I briskly strode across the hangar and headed for the elevators. Leaving him behind to collect our weapons and gear, I took the lift down to level B2.

When I got there, I headed straight for the Med Suite, which was a little past the Command Room.

What the hell was she thinking? I told her this was going to be recon only. The next thing I know she’s bringing the whole enemy force down on top of her. Wasn’t I clear enough?

I clenched and unclenched my hands, feeling them growing slightly clammy. The faces of the operatives I found in the school swam in my mind’s eye, and I couldn’t help shuddering a little.

When I shoved open the door to the Med Suite, I found Genel sitting in a chair beside one of the two hospital beds. The one she was sitting beside was obscured by a green hospital curtain.

I approached the bed with the same brisk pace I used to leave Josh behind in the hangar. When Genel saw me approaching, she stood up.

“You’re back,” she said, “We’ve been here the last – Hey, wait! She’s not—”

I grabbed a fistful of the curtain and pulled it aside, barely hearing Genel.

Not one metre from where I stood, sitting up on the hospital bed and facing sideways as she sat on the edge of the mattress, was Angel. She swiveled her head to glance at me with a mildly surprised expression.

It took me a split second to realize that she wasn’t wearing anything above the waist. She was pressing a faded blue ice bag against her chest.

I quickly drew the curtains back in front of the bed to conceal it from view and took a tentative step back.

“—wearing a shirt,” Genel finished after a momentary delay.

A rush of heat rose up my neck as I turned slightly away from Genel, whom I knew would assault me with one or two unwarranted comments at any moment.

Still, the strangling sensation in my chest eased considerably when I saw Angel was well enough to be sitting up.

“Seriously, one of these days you’re going to walk in on a girl and she won’t hesitate to call you out for harassment,” Genel said teasingly.

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my windbreaker. “How is she?”

Genel shook her head with a wry little smile, then thankfully dropped the look of amusement on her face.

“I already told you she took a couple rounds to the vest.”

“And?”

Genel sighed, glancing at the curtain to her right. “Well, we did an X-ray when we got back. Chrissy’s third and tenth ribs are broken.”

“Broken?”

“Not shattered. Just cracked.”

I wasn’t sure whether to be worried or relieved. Genel picked up on my uncertainty.

“She’s all right. In all honesty, she’s really lucky she was hit by small caliber rounds. I don’t think the vest she was wearing was rated to protect against anything larger than pistol rounds.”

I looked away from Genel, still unsure of what to say. My chest, which had eased just a moment ago, started to tighten again and even though I willed it to loosen up, I couldn’t help asking myself if this even had to happen.

This is war. These things happen in a war. Don’t be naïve. It’s not like you never saw something like this coming to one of your team.

I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. After a moment, I nodded a bit wearily and found my voice. I glanced at Genel.

“What’s the prognosis?”

Genel crossed her arms over her chest. “Chrissy says she has no reason to be too worried. It’ll be four to six weeks before her bones mend, and she’ll have two nasty bruises for the next little bit. She’s okay otherwise. She shouldn’t make any drastically big or sudden movements for a while.”

That was going to be hard to say the least, given our occupation. I didn’t bring this up as I was sure all of us here knew that already.

“Does she have any trouble breathing? What about coughing?”

“She insists she has no trouble breathing. She admits her chest hurts, but she told me that’s all. She’s the team medic, Ian; I think she’d know her injuries better than anyone else.”

I took half a step back from Genel and turned my face away again. If there was anyone in the world who could read my face like a book, it was Genel. Sometimes I appreciated that about her. Other times that part of her was mildly galling.

“Ian?”

I reluctantly glanced back at Genel, whose expression remained fortunately straight.

“What?”

She stole a rather furtive glance at the curtain before turning back to me. “There’s… something I want to talk to you about.”

“All right, go on.”

Genel promptly shook her head, then jerked her head in the direction of the door. I silently followed Genel out of the room and into the hallway.

Once I’d closed the door to the Med Suite, I turned back to Genel. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m worried about Chrissy.”

Christina took two rounds that fractured two of her ribs. I can’t see why Genel wouldn’t be worried.

Evidently though, Genel was able to read me near instantly, because before I could respond to that, she shook her head again.

“I’m not talking about her two broken ribs,” she said quietly.

“What, then?”

“She’s been unnervingly quiet since the two of us regrouped after the CFB Calgary fiasco. I tried to ask her what happened in there, but she’s been… vague, for the lack of a better word.”

I’d gotten caught up in Christina’s predicament that I’d momentarily neglected to ask if her half of tonight’s op was a failure or a success.

“She wouldn’t tell you what went on in the base?” I asked skeptically.

Genel shifted a little awkwardly in place. “Well… it’s not that I think she won’t tell me. She just won’t elaborate enough. I didn’t push her much after I learned she was hurt.”

“All right, what’s your point?”

She stared me dead in the eye. “Could you check in on her and ask if she’s okay?”

“You want me to ask her?” I asked, trying to mask my surprise.

“Yeah. She doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. That’s what I feel, anyway.”

“Let me get this straight: Christina gets along with you the best of all of us, but you want me to play confidant?”

Genel’s mouth deepened to a scowl.

“Don’t be an asshole, Ian. You and I both know you’re not one.”

I gave a grunt, looking slightly away from her. That was debatable, but I thought it wise not to pursue this argument.

Her voice softened again. She sighed. “Look, just… talk to Chrissy. Maybe you’ll have more luck with her than me. Just do your team leader thing from a couple days back.”

“All right, all right. Fine,” I relented, waving a dismissive hand in her direction. I had zero interest in standing here and enduring a lecture.

The tension drained from Genel’s face. She nodded approvingly.

“Good,” she said, clearly satisfied with my answer. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Keep her company for me.”

“Sure,” I muttered, not knowing what else I could say.

Genel nodded again, then gave me one last stare, which I avoided. No doubt she was reading me again.

“Ian.”

“What?”

“Stop blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault.”

I could see where this was going, and I didn’t want to revisit it. She and I had been down this road already several times.

I turned my back on Genel without saying another word, determined not to hear another second of the conversation I knew was coming.

“Leave Angel to me,” I said, pushing at the Med Suite door.

Not waiting for a response, I re-entered the Med Suite. The curtains were still drawn around Christina’s bed.

I approached the curtains and reluctantly sat in the chair Genel had vacated. I unclipped my backpack and put it down on the floor beside the chair.

There was no sound from beyond the curtains. I wasn’t typically uncomfortable in the midst of silence, but what Genel had been telling me, plus the memory of having walked in on Christina at an awkward time, was currently putting me off balance.

I cleared my throat first, then called out to the team XO.

“Angel?”

“Yes?” Her voice came out rather small and subdued.

I hesitated, feeling a little out of my depth somehow.

“Is it all right if we talk?”

She didn’t respond for a couple of seconds.

“Sure,” she said eventually.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

I hesitated again. Just to be sure…

“You’re not… bare up there, are you?”

“Oh. Mhm. Give me a second.”

I sighed silently, waiting while the bed creaked and the mattress groaned. After about half a minute, she spoke again.

“Okay, come in.”

I stood up from my chair and carefully pulled the curtains aside.

Christina sat exactly the same way she had the first time, facing the wall on the right. She was still sporting a pair of faded blue jeans for bottoms, but now she was wearing one of the sports bras she picked up from Dalemead. I twitched at the sight but fought the urge to retreat again when I saw the expression of tentative seriousness on her face.

She brought the ice bag to her side. “It’s… You don’t mind, do you?” she asked a little slowly, glancing at me without a hint of embarrassment on her face.

“I… No, it’s fine.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

I finally met her eyes, but mine couldn’t help checking over the rest of her after a second, trying to search her for any other injuries. She turned her body a bit toward me and lowered a lean arm from her side, giving me a glimpse of an angry purple discolouration beside her toned belly. The dark, roughly circular bruise stood out in stark contrast to her bright skin.

I balled my hands into fists in the pockets of my windbreaker.

“Knight? What’s wrong?” Christina asked uncertainly.

“Nothing. How are you feeling?”

Christina took the ice bag from her side and glanced down at the bruise on the lower part of her torso.

“The bruises, they hurt a bit,” she answered, and I felt a slight sensation of relief when she covered the bruise again with the ice bag. “But I’m all right. I can still move.”

My mind conjured mental images of people laying on the ground with their arms splayed out beside them. At first, the person was Josh, then Genel. Finally, Genel turned into Christina, who was bleeding from a gaping hole in her body armour. Her eyes were fully dilated and glassy. Small indentations that seemed to glow darkly littered the expanse of her neck.

I gritted my teeth and looked away momentarily, trying to lose the images.

Stop. Stop it. That’s not what happened.

“What happened in there, Angel?” I asked, forcefully hardening my voice, trying to bring myself firmly to reality.

I wanted to avoid looking at her, but when she failed to answer me after several seconds, I was forced to anyway.

Christina had turned her body back toward the wall again. She hung her head, her rose pink hair falling down one side of her face, concealing her eye from view.

I initially stormed the Med Suite wanting to demand an explanation from my second-in-command about what I assumed was a botched op. I rushed back to Haven after uncovering the source of the distress signal and learning from Genel that Christina had been hurt, telling myself I was going to give the newest Shadow a talking-to about the basic meaning of ‘recon only’, but…

I gazed at Christina a bit uncomfortably. She seemed withdrawn and preoccupied. Her fingers picked and scratched at the fabric of her jeans. Just underneath her curtain of pink hair, her lips pursed tightly into a slight frown.

All thoughts of reprimanding her left my mind. All thoughts of how I felt about seeing one of my own winding up physically injured faded slowly. In their place came the dread that whatever Christina experienced, it had affected her on a more mental level. I could stitch up cuts and dress wounds, but I couldn’t as easily heal minds.

“Christina?” I took a step closer to the woman sitting at the edge of the bed. When she remained silent and unmoving, I let out another sigh.

We couldn’t afford to have any one of us breaking down now. If Christina breaks down, there was no one else who could replace her. Shadow Team would be down one operative indefinitely.

Before I could lose my nerve, I sat down on the edge of the bed, beside the Shadow medic. I shifted a bit uneasily on the bed, keeping some physical distance between the two of us.

Christina didn’t seem to mind. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if she noticed. I secretly wished she’d react. Speak. Anything. At least I’d know she was still feeling herself. I recalled the way she seemed to act nervously around me for a reason I never quite confirmed; I preferred that to this.

“Is… there anything you want to tell me?” I asked her gently, glancing sideways at her.

Christina’s head moved slightly, but it was to turn her face even more away from me.

“Christina,” I murmured, maintaining a patient tone, “I can’t help you if you don’t help me. Look, I’m… I’m not mad, okay? Just talk to me.”

“I’m sorry. I messed up.”

Her first words after what felt like an eternity of silence were low and soft, tinged with something that sounded like remorse. The woman had none of that fire to her that she always seemed to radiate when we argued about the purpose of her trip to the base earlier.

“Can you tell me what happened?” I asked her again, refraining from sounding forceful or loud. If Christina was going to answer my questions, I wanted her to do it without being hassled into doing so.

Christina took her time answering. When she eventually got around to replying, her response itself was surprisingly straightforward.

“I found Steele’s contact.”

The leader and operative in me wanted to thoroughly grill her for elaboration, but I had an odd feeling that trying to pry the medic open for information would only make her clam up.

“I see,” I said, watching her out of the corner of my eye. She continued to avoid looking in my direction for whatever reason, though I got the feeling it wasn’t because she was afraid of a reprimand.

I kept silent for about half a minute, waiting for her to decide if she was going to engage in conversation or break from it entirely.

“You’re… not going to ask for more on the contact?” Christina eventually mumbled, still not looking my way.

“Not if talking about him upsets you.”

She appeared to twitch in place as if she’d been jabbed by a hot poker. Slowly and tentatively, she turned her head toward me. I met her auburn eyes when they looked my way, finding them a bit wary and guarded.

“Why do you think he upsets me?” she asked in barely a whisper.

I shrugged slightly. “I don’t. Or rather, I can’t be sure if that’s the case. But I’m getting the feeling you saw something… difficult. I want to know what it is for the sake of the mission, but I’m not going to force it out of you.”

Her eyes widened minutely, clearly not expecting that response. Personally, I couldn’t see what was so surprising about what I just said.

“What?” I said discreetly.

She appeared to hesitate, then she bunched her shoulders. “Nothing. I was expecting you to say you absolutely had to know, or something.”

“Well, I do, but—”

I stopped abruptly, finding it hard to explain myself further. Looking away again, I took a deep breath.

It’s because you’re clearly distraught. Do I really need to spell it out for you?

I absently clenched and unclenched my hands in the pockets of my windbreaker, then got to my feet without thinking.

Christina lifted her gaze.

“Never mind,” I grunted, “Get some rest. Tell me in the morning.”

I turned my back on her completely and took a couple of steps toward the Med Suite door. I picked up my backpack from beside the chair.

“Wait. Knight.”

Christina’s small, soft voice shot out at me from behind. I stopped in my tracks and glanced at her over my shoulder.

Her eyes found mine right away. We stared at each other for a moment, then her eyes shifted slightly again.

“Have you heard of… Northstar?” she mumbled, just loudly enough for me to catch from this distance.

“Northstar?” I repeated gently, turning my body slightly so I could look at Christina more properly.

“Northstar. Northstar Security Solutions,” she said quietly, her eyes appearing to fall as she spoke.

I blinked once, keeping my eyes on her. My agent mindset thankfully returned when I searched my brain for those words.

“Of course,” I replied, feeling my regular self returning slowly. “That large private military company that was established five years ago. What about it?”

“That’s… what we’re up against. Who Hornet works for.”

I kept staring at Christina for a moment. It was a hell of an accusation, if only because Northstar was arguably the most prominent PMC on the globe. I’d heard of it many times before in my research.

“Can you send me the intel you got?” I asked the Shadow XO, who shook her head quickly in response.

“I don’t… have it.”

“You don’t?”

“I found documents, but I… I lost them when I got caught.”

I paused, observing her for a moment longer. She continued to avoid my gaze. Why was she so withdrawn? Because she failed her half of tonight’s op?

“I see,” I nodded even though she wasn’t looking at me. “I’ll do some digging on Northstar tonight.”

I paused, then added, “Good work.”

She didn’t acknowledge the commendation. Last time I praised her, her reaction was hard to miss. But now, she had zero reaction.

She’s tired. Or shaken. That’s all this is. She just needs to sleep it off. She’ll be back to normal tomorrow.

I sighed again. “Get some sleep, Angel. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

I waited several seconds for a response, but she remained silent. Reluctantly, I turned back to the door and began to walk away.

“Can I ask you something?”

I halted abruptly again, peering at her over my shoulder. She still had her head bowed, her eyes on her lap.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Were you endorsed to join the C.O.S., Knight?”

I took a moment to consider her question. I thought it was strange that she would ask that specific question, but I saw no harm in answering it.

“I was,” I replied.

“What made you join?”

The second question was a different matter. Upon thinking of the answer to it, my stomach lurched a little. It was an answer I never really forgot, though it was something I tried my hardest not to think about.



Her serene, innocent face smiled from across the street. Those dark eyes shone even in the semidarkness, glowing more brightly than all the lights in the street. The hand with which I held the hyacinths trembled a little as I took the first step forward…

Then my eyes were pointing up at the stars.

Then, nothing. Just the blackness. It’s always the same. Her gleaming eyes, her little smile, the trembling in my hands. Even the stars were the same. It was the same beautiful backdrop before the darkness came and swallowed me whole.

“I’ll take care of you. That’s a promise.”

Always the same words, robbed of their meaning. Like some sick joke. Like a cruel lie.



I pressed the palm of my hand over my mouth. I drew in some sharp, raspy breaths through my nose, fighting to stay in control. This time, the impending sense of doom subsided quickly.

I straightened up and carefully removed my hand from my mouth. I looked back at Christina, whose head was still bowed, oblivious to my lapse from reality.

Hesitating, I opened my mouth to answer, afraid of what might come out. Still, I managed to give her an answer.

“I made someone a promise. I couldn’t keep it.”

What am I doing? Why am I telling her this? I shouldn’t have…

Without waiting for a comment to that, I briskly strode to the door and left the suite.

My throat seemed to shrink, as if a hand was squeezing my windpipe and hindering my breathing. My right hand began to tremble involuntarily.

I reached into my pocket for the pills I knew weren’t there.