Sandy Supposes....

Cousin Contrary

PROMPT March 18th

Does your communication style tend to be straightforward or subtle? Are you more likely to speak your mind or beat around the bush? Have you ever gotten into trouble because of your communication style?

                   

         I think I'm a 'shoot-from-the-hip' kinda gal. Why waste time beating around the bush? I say what I need to say. Sure, there are occasions when I bite my tongue, but that's because I have an opinion that I know will only inflame a situation. It's not a life or death moment, or a time I must be correct. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, and I don't always have the desire to argue. Not everyone understands or appreciates sarcasm which is often subtle.

         Last Spring, my aunt phoned to ask a favour of me. Could my autistic cousin, an adult in his late forties with multiple other mental conditions, come and stay with me? This was exactly one week before my total knee replacement surgery. I was preparing for that and finishing things I couldn't do in the near future because I'd be elsewhere recovering. She knew of my surgery. She also knew her son did not always appreciate his mother making plans for him. Even consulting him was iffy. She wanted a break from him.

         My cousin is moody and sensitive. I told her I had no groceries stocked in my home. Why would I do that if I planned to be gone for weeks? I reminded her of my surgery. My knees were unstable and I did not venture too far from home. I was not prepared to be good company. I was in constant pain. How would I entertain her son? He never cooked for himself. He never took initiative for anything. In the past, I'd kept him busy with small construction jobs and repairs, but he required supervision. I did not have the energy to keep him from sitting in front of the television all the time. My aunt messaged me back. Just tell me, yes or no? I thought I'd spelled it out for her. Where had I agreed this was a mutually good idea? Perhaps I'd been too nice and subtle.

         This same cousin sometimes complained that I'm too loud and I laugh too much. I did not take offence, he is autistic, and this is true. He is blunt without knowing it. I'm told that he cannot appreciate feelings/emotions, yet he never fails to bring his up. He misunderstands situations and pouts, or raves, or whines. He changes his mind constantly. He does not acknowledge that anyone else has feelings. All of this, yet when he wants something, I'm his go-to person.

         Communication is not always straightforward. It can be awkward and messy. My cousin can and does go months refusing to speak with me over some perceived slight, or simply because he's focused elsewhere. When he reaches out, he expects me to carry on as if nothing happened, and I do. He has so much to deal with and all I can offer is some compassion and latitude. I can't fathom what he struggles with.