Wonderland Challenge 2020

"Curious and Curiouser!"

         PROMPT: Spice up boring history. Pick any historical person and write a funny/ridiculous story about them.

          Napoleon Bonaparte Discovers Basketball

         

         

         

                   

The neighbourhood women stood in a semi-circle, arms crossed, tongues clicking, and heads shaking in unison. Madame Bonaparte had just finished bragging that her son, Napoleon learned a new skill, dribbling. This proved her to be delusional. Her odd little boy who strutted around the streets with his hand tucked into his jacket would now be seen drooling?

          Napoleon neither knew about this or cared. He reclined upon his bed with his brain aswirl with all sorts of plans and plots. He recognized that the boys he deigned to play with needed a leader and he intended to be that leader. Unbidden, his left thumb slipped into his mouth as he rose to his feet. Grunting, he pulled it out and shoved it into the brass buttons of his coat. Grabbing a ball from the floor, Napoleon trotted outside. His troops awaited his inspiration.

         He'd experimented with different sports in his efforts to rally and spark his followers. Wrestling had been a flop. How could he command respect pinned to the ground? Golf had seemed tedious and pointless. Too many balls were lost forever and the sticks became handy weapons. Polo had been promising until he grew to hate the assist up into the saddle and the disinterest of his horse. That beast had a mind of its own. He'd relinquished control and all decorum bouncing along clutching at the pommel.

         Basketball served his purpose. How appropriate that it took place upon a court. Great things happened in a court. Respect and admiration were generated in a court. One would most assuredly be noticed in a court.

         What better way to command attention than to run with a bouncing ball and dodge other wannabes? Bonaparte possessed a genetic advantage. Being vertically-challenged permitted him to elude contact or the reach of taller competitors. In his mind, he owned the superior skill to star at basketball. He saw himself as untouchable.

         As a wee tyrant in the making, Napoleon greatly overlooked his reach. The expectations of his self-grandeur lacked a solid footing in reality. In other words, he fell flat on his face. The first time this happened he'd forgotten to tie his shoe laces. The second mishap found him unable to navigate around the taller boys. He could not see the horizon much less the basket. Some of the more zealous 'ballers' discovered a manoeuver they dubbed checking. Gang like behaviour manifested in guarding. Desperate boys resorted to tripping and shoving. Bonaparte could not tolerate anarchy.

         Napoleon bestowed the title of referee upon his doting mother and he armed her with a whistle. He intended that she prevent any insult or injury to his person.

         In time, Napoleon realized that he was in over his head. His creation had a life of its own. The slam dunk he'd envisioned did not cater to his new and improved glorious version of the future. N.B., with the nickname he'd anointed himself with, was resourceful and tenacious, though. If he could not be a participant, he could be a coach/manager. The ball would still be in his court. With the best of strategies, some day he'd own franchises, and conquer the world one team at a time.

(555 words)