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Latina from alternate reality shrinks non-Latino segment of humanity! |
It was a typical evening in the late Fall in Whittier, California. A man named Nick Vasquez got off a Metro bus with his backpack and cloth lunch sack. He looked younger than his 39 years, and he was in good shape. As he walked home, a young woman approached him on the sidewalk. “Why don't you go back to your own country?” she asked. “This is my country!” Nick replied. Just then, they were interrupted by a 1957 Chevy panel pulling up. Nick's friend Sharky, a 23-year-old Mexican-American surfer, asked him if he wanted a ride. As Nick got in the car, he asked if Sharky knew who that chick was. “I think that's Shelly Schwartz! Your cousin Flora might know who she is!” Sharky replied. “I think they went to high school together. “Does your sister Soledad know her?” Nick asked. “She might,” said Sharky. “She was a sophomore when Flora and her friends were seniors.” “How is Soledad doing?” Nick asked. “She can't make up her mind what she wants to do with her life,” said Sharky. “She wants to be a military general, but she doesn't want to start out as a lieuteneant, she wants to start at the top. Gordo and Flaca think she should be a prison guard, and she's actually considering that!” “That would be really ironic,” said Nick, “a prison guard named Soledad!” “Hey, how's your Uncle Roland doing?” Sharky asked. “I heard he's on dialysis.” “Yeah,” Nick replied, “he needs a kidney and a liver transplant, but he's hanging in there. He goes to dialysis on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. It really takes a lot out of him.” Sharky pulled up to Nick's Aunt's house and dropped him off. Nick said goodbye, and entered the house. His Aunt Irene was in the kitchen cooking. “I need you to unload the van, I brought some more stuff from the church,” said Aunt Irene. “Aunt Irene, why do you keep bringing more junk home?” Nick asked. “We don't have room for the junk you've already brought!” “Hey, if you have a problem with how things are run around here, you can move out! When I had you move in with me, it was to get you out of the Conrep program in San Luis Obispo. I promised your counselor that I would look out for you. Now that you've graduated from Conrep, there's no reason for you to stay here!” “I'm sorry Aunt Irene,” said Nick. “I don't want to move out. I've come this far with college, and if I became homeless now that would really throw everything to the wind.” “Your cousin Flora is in the backyard with your telescope,” said Aunt Irene. “She has an assignment to do for her astronomy class. Can you go help her before you unload the van?” “Yeah, sure.” Nick walked to the backyard and found his cousin, Flora Flores. She was tinkering with Nick's telescope. “When I took astronomy, we never had to look at stars and stuff,” said Nick. “This is for extra credit,” said Flora. “We have to find some constellations and record when we saw it and what part of the sky it was in.” “Scorpio should be up there somewhere right now,” said Nick. “Can you find it?” Flora asked. As Nick looked for Scorpio in the telescope, he asked Flora a question. “Do you know a chick named Shelly Schwartz?” “Yeah,” said Flora, “she's a burnout. She doesn't go to school, and she doesn't work. I think she uses meth.” “Tonight I ran into her and she told me to go back to my own country. Can you believe that?” “I wish something would happen to turn the tables on people like that!” said Flora. “So do I!” said Nick. “Hey, I can see a shooting star through this thing!” “I see it, too!” said Flora. “Even without a telescope! You know what that means, don't you? My wish is going to come true.” What Nick and Flora didn't realize was that they weren't looking at a shooting star. It was actually a starcruiser from a parallel universe. It was piloted by a young Latina woman who was about 20 years old. She flew in over Cal Tech in Pasadena, and as the starcruiser hovered about 30 yards in the air, she lowered herself in an energy cylinder to the ground below. She pulled a remote control from her belt once she was on the ground, and rendered her starcruiser invisible with a cloaking device. She went to the office and asked the receptionist if she knew where to find Professor Manuel de la Cruz. The receptionist told her he was at the Memory Alpha club meeting a few doors down. The woman went to where she was told to go, and knocked on the door. A middle-aged Hispanic man answered the door. A white man also entered the doorway. “Are you Professor Manuel de la Cruz?” the young woman asked. “Yes, but you can't enter unless you can tell me how the warp drive functions!” “The warp drive functions by phasing a starship in and out of subspace, a separate space-time continuum where time and distance are geometrically different from our space-time continuum, such that traveling close to light speed in subspace for one picosecond equals traveling an exponentially further distance than traveling in normal space for that same time frame.” “I'm impressed with your knowledge!” said Professor de la Cruz. “Come on in!” The other man wasn't as impressed. “I don't think you should let her in! Her explanation isn't the same as the entry at the Memory Alpha website!” “But the science checks out!” said Professor de la Cruz. “Are you a student here, young lady?” the other professor asked. “I will be, at some point in the future,” said the young woman. “Who are you?” Professor de la Cruz asked. “My name is Maria, I need you to accompany me, Professor de la Cruz!” Maria pulled out a strange futuristic pistol and zapped the other professor who didn't think she should be let in. He instantly shrank down to an inch tall. “I'm from a parallel universe,” said Maria. “I'm also from 20,000 years in the future. I've come back in time to your world to shrink all non-Latinos down to ant-size. I want you to come aboard my starcruiser and interview me while I announce my plans to the world!” “I'll agree to do whatever you ask!” said the professor. “But first, can you un-shrink Professor Quaid?” Maria zapped him and he returned to normal size again. “This Friday he'll just get shrunk again anyway. Come with me to my starcruiser, Professor de la Cruz!” Professor de la Cruz followed her to the area of campus where her starcruiser was hovering. She de-activated the cloaking device with her remote control, and activated the energy cylinder that lifted her and the professor up to the starcruiser. “What is this device that's carrying us through the air?” the professor asked. “It is like a cosmic elevator,” Maria replied. “It utilizes anti-gravity.” Once they were onboard the starcruiser, Maria piloted it until they were hovering over downtown Los Angeles. “I'm taking over all the television and radio channels on Earth,” Maria said. “In other parts of the world, our speech will be interpreted by my computers into the languages of all the people listening. All you have to do is ask me any questions you might have!” “Okay,” said the professor. In the living room of Nick's Aunt Irene and Uncle Roland, the television show they were watching was interrupted by a view of Maria and Professor de la Cruz sitting in her starcruiser. “Allow me to introduce myself!” said Maria. “I am Maria Consuela Diaz de Montejo. I am a conqueror from a parallel universe 20,000 years in the future. I have journeyed to your world to shrink all non-Latinos down to ant size! With me is Professor Manuel de la Cruz from Cal Tech in Pasadena. Professor, do you have any questions?” “Yes, what are the parameters of you selection process? Will people who possess only a small percentage of Latino ancestry be miniaturized as well?” “The cut-off point is half Latino. Anyone half-Latino and above will be spared, and will be given a full-size transponder card. If someone is only a quarter Latino, they will be given a partial-size transponder card that will allow them to be shrunk down to one centimeter tall instead of ant-size.” “What areas of the world do you consider to be Latino?” the professor asked. “All the people of Mexico, central America, South America, and Spain will be spared.” “What about Brazil?” the professor asked. “They speak Portuguese there!” “The Amazon river is in Brazil, and I like the word Amazon, so Brazil will be spared.” “How will you determine who is Latino and who is not?” the professor asked. “I will choose young Latina women from all over the globe who will serve me. They will be my Amazon Troopers. Amazon is an acronym that stands for Aztec Maidens Adjudicating Zealously Over Nations. There will be an Amazon Trooper for each town and city, and they will determine who gets a transponder card..” “What about the case of someone who was married to a Mexican?” the professor asked. “Are you going to split families apart?” “If someone was married to a Latino and children were produced in the relationship, then that person will receive a full-size transponder card. But some families will be split apart; in the case of someone who is one quarter Mexican, their parents might remain full-sized, but they will be reduced to one centimeter tall.” “When will the shrinking take place?” the professor asked. “Friday night at 9:00 pm Pacific standard time. I'm giving you several days to prepare.” “I have a question about your technology,” the professor asked. “How safe and reliable is your miniaturization technology, and how does it work?” “I will launch neutrino dissimilator cannnons into orbit Friday night. Neutrino dissimilators strip matter in the form of neutrino particles from the quarks and gluons of protons and neutrons, and additionally, they strip neutrinos from the orbiting electrons of those atoms. This causes the atoms of the miniaturized person's body to decrease in size, weight, volume and mass. A dimensional membrane surrounds the miniaturized person's body, protecting them from temperature extremes, and allowing them to process air molecules.” “Can I ask why you're doing this?” the professor asked. “In the world I'm from, in the time I live in, there are no laws protecting alternate realities. People travel to primitive realities like yours and proclaim themselves as gods or emperors. I was given a starcruiser for my 20th birthday, and it is summer vacation between my sophomore and junior years in college, so I thought I'd conquer a reality and make it over in my image.” “So you're going to create an empire?” the professor asked. “Yes, and my Amazon troopers will rule at my side! I will choose them tomorrow, so they can get right to work!” When the TV returned to normal broadcasting, Irene, her husband Roland, Nick, and Flora sat there stunned. “From what that woman said, it looks like me and your Uncle Roland, and your cousin Flora will remain normal-sized!” said Aunt Irene. “You're only a quarter Mexican, Nick!” “We'll take care of you when you're shrunk, cuz!” said Flora. The next day, at Rio Hondo community college in Whittier, Narcisa Navarro sat at one of the lunch tables in the cafeteria when her cell phone rang. “This is Maria Consuela Diaz de Montejo!” said the voice on the phone. “You have been personally selected to become one of my Amazon Troopers representing the city of Whittier, California. I will meet with you later today to brief you on your assignment.” When the line went dead, Narcisa jumped up and down and shouted: “I'm an Amazon Trooper! I'm representing the city of Whittier!” Flora and Rica were sitting at a table and heard this. “This doesn't look good for Nick!” said Flora. “Narcisa is kind of evil, so there doesn't look like there's any hope of her choosing to give my cousin Nick a full-size transponder card!” To Be Continued! |