The Book of Masks (Vol. 4)

Is This a Gag?

Previously: "The Misplaced Girlfriend" 

You told James that you didn't want a party, but it vexes you to think that he took you at your word and gave up on doing something for you. Besides, you already told "Yumi" that there was going to be some kind of party, and it would be a perfect excuse for getting her together with your friends so that you can all see how Chelsea is dealing having been transformed into one of her enemies.

So you text James to ask what's going on tonight. He texts back: what make syou think thres plans?

"Oh, Jesus," you mutter aloud.

"What?" asks Eva. But you ignore her and with flying thumbs text James back: wasnt threr a party planned? my b-day?

i though u didnt want one

i dont but we can do somethng right? eva n jess w me want do sthing. yumi too.

i'll get paul to cme then, James replies.

"Oh, fuck," you gasp, and tell the others what James texted.

Eva snickers. "How awesome is that gonna be, watching Paul moon over Yumi and not knowing it's Chelsea?"

Jessica laughs. "How awesome's it gonna be," she retorts, "watching Paul moon over Yumi, and Chelsea having to put up with it?"

"Bet you ten bucks she smacks him."

"Not taking that bet. Of course she's going to."

You keep texting James, until it's settled that you'll all meet at Balducci's for pizza.

* * * * *

"Happy unbirthday, Ashton," Carson says as he weaves around the table to drop the package in front of you. You twist around in your seat to smack him as he passes, but he's out of reach before you can swing. "Thanks," you yell at him as he settles in at the head of the table. He flashes you a quick, sour smile, then settles back to watch one of the TVs mounted in the corner of the dining room.

Balducci's is the premier pizza place in town, and despite its prices it's popular enough to have colonized a couple of the cramped storefronts near the college campus. But then, they are small storefronts, so it's a cramped dining room your party is squeezed into. The ceiling is low and the lights are dim, and all three free-standing tables are pushed together to make enough seats for those who have arrived and those who will be arriving. A couple of frat brothers have one of the booths against the wall, where they are loudly enjoying a pitcher of beer and cheering along to the ball game that Carson is watching; out of the corner of your eye, you can't help watching to see if they're ogling your cheerleader friends. But if they are, they're well-practiced at hiding it.

With his arrival, Carson has made it an even half-dozen at the table: you and the Garners were the first to arrive; James joined you a few minutes later with Caleb (which surprises you) for company. Your old best friend is keeping very quietly by himself, but maybe he'll perk up when the betas of his two best friends (Keith Tilley and Will Prescott) get here. You shiver a little as it occurs to you what that scene is going to look like: Caleb flanked by two magical robots pretending to be his friends.

"Well, open it," Carson honks at you without taking his eyes from the TV. "I paid good money for it."

It is a small cylinder, a little smaller than a cola can, wrapped in old newspaper that is twisted up at both ends and sealed up with rubber bands. You eye it dubious.

"It's not Jenny's unbirthday," Jessica says before you can find an excuse to avoid opening what looks like a booby trap, and she snatches the present from in front of you. "So you can't go giving her an unbirthday present. But it is my unbirthday, so—"

"It's mine too!" Eva grabs at the package, and the two sisters wrestle over it.

"Stop it before you make a mess," Caleb says tonelessly, still entranced by the ballgame.

Too late. Something in the package has broken, and with an "Eww!" Jessica drops it on the table. A dark, wet patch is spreading through the newspaper, and a viscous liquid drips onto the table. "What is it?" Jessica cries. "Am I going to have to—?"

"It's soap bubbles," Caleb says. "Half a bottle of soap bubbles I had lying around from trying to entertain a visiting cousin."

"Gross!" Jessica rubs her fingers together and makes a face.

"It's soap and water. It's the cleanest stuff you can get on you."

"It's all sticky! I have to go wash up."

"It's soap and water," Carson repeats. "You're just going to go put more of it on you."

"We'll order you Hawaiian if the waiter comes while you're gone," Eva says as her sister rises from the table.

"Fleck you. Barf."

"Here!" You snatch up the busted birthday present and hand it to Jessica as she passes. "Dump this in the trash while you're in there."

"See if I get you a present next year," Carson snorts.

* * * * *

And that more or less defines the atmosphere of your birthday party as it progresses: pranks, snark and good-natured ribbing. Carson is the only one to bring you a gag gift, but Paul gets a lot of teasing when he presents you (unironically, you suppose) with a stuffed Tigger, and Carson and James mock-flirt with Cindy when she shows up without her boyfriend. Beta-Keith and Beta-Will settle in to flank Caleb, and it's just as creepy as you imagined it would be: you can't shake the impression that any moment the front of their faces are going to fall off, revealing the metal face-plates and transistors of androids beneath their staring, inhuman eyes. So you try not to pay attention to that end of the table.

At last, though, the real guest of honor (as far as you're concerned) arrives: Yumi Saito, trotting in with Lin Pol. There's a pink glow in her well-scrubbed face, and her black eyes glint with an ill-veiled mischief as she glances around the table. "Happy birthday, Jenny," she says, and gives you an awkward hug from behind. She drops a stiff, brand-new leather softball glove on the table in front of you.

"Oh boy," you say with as much enthusiasm as you fake. "Um, did Carson tell you I wanted one of these?"

"No. Did you want one specially?" She passes the empty chair next to Paul to take the empty one between Carson and Eva. "Guess I'm a mind-reader. I thought you liked to play softball."

"I do. But since I'm not on the school team—"

"I always wondered why you weren't." She signals the waiter who has just brought a fresh pitcher of beer for the frat brothers. "I mean, if you like softball—"

"I like softball. I just hate team sports."

"Right." She breaks off just long enough to order a sparkling water. "I'm really starting to know what you mean. Nothing like a freaking dysfunctional team to make you have a sport that you love."

"Yumi thinks we should stage a mass walkout from the squad," Lin says. She's taken the seat next to Paul. "That's what she was telling me on the ride over."

"What? Like go on strike?" Carson asks.

"No," Yumi says. "Quit the squad. Like, how much would it screw with Chelsea if half the squad just up and quit on her?"

* * * * *

It all goes back, she explains, to the blow-up that Chelsea staged in front of the other girls last week, when she accused them all of trying to get back at her by "sabotaging" their chances to make it to a championship. "If she thinks we're sabotaging her," Yumi says, "I say we really do it to her."

She doesn't get a lot of argument, but that doesn't mean she gets much support, at least not from her fellow cheerleaders. Carson, being the asshole he is, tries egging them all on to do it, but the girls mostly just give her perplexed looks. "The fuck is she up to?" Jessica mutters in your ear. You can't say, but you're sure that Philip will find Chelsea's ploy—whatever her intent—to be "fascinating."

You are able to glean a little more from Yumi after the party breaks up, when you follow her half a block over to House of Wax, a used-record store. After telling her (untruthfully) that you've told Will to forget about seeing any more of her, you delicately raise the subject of the cheerleader team, and ask her why she wants to give up on it.

"I'm just sick of the drama, Jenny," she sighs as she walks her fingers through some jazz albums. The bell over the door rings, and she jumps a little as she glances over at it. "And it's not good for us. I mean, never mind Chelsea and her gang. It's poisoning us. Jessica and Lin and Cindy and us."

You allow that it can't be psychologically healthy to always be battling Chelsea.

"That's not what I mean," she says. "You know, Eva and Jessica don't even like Cindy that much. They don't want her to be squad captain."

"They want her more than they want Chelsea."

"That's the only reason they even give Cindy the time of day. They're only on the squad because Kelsey needed their votes to become captain, and then Kelsey— Pfft!"

"It's not like that, Yumi," you protest.

She gives you a look. "You're not on the inside. And Lin—" She glances around before leaning in toward you. "Lin's not a fan of Cindy's, either. Think about it, Jenny. You think half the squad couldn't get Chelsea out and Cindy in, if they really wanted her for the position?"

A chill runs through you. Is what she's saying true? Is this what Yumi really thinks and knows?

But you're interrupted from an unexpected direction. The bell over the door rings again, and when you look over you can't help shivering when you see Gary Chen—Westside's resident drug dealer and gang-banger—come stalking in. He looks around, then swings over toward you. There's a bright glint in his eye.

But he ignores you to greet Yumi with a soft, "Hey."

"Thanks for coming out," she replies with a dimpled smile, and runs her fingertips down the front of his shirt.

Next: "The Wrong Guy for the Wrong Girl" 

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"Table of Contents (Vol. 4)" 
"The Book of Masks (Vol. 4)"