What am I Doing Here?

Just a couple more things Lord.

I am back. I just want to say a little more regarding the "lockout."
I do not want to push Stan to the point that marriage is hurtful or a big headache for him, but I still want to be happy with my life and role as woman, wife and Judy.
One day has passed. I still see pain in Stan's eyes.
We did a lot together. Had a nice lunch. Sat outside after a cool walk this evening.
We have hugged and kissed. I feel that he is sorry for some things. I am too. I guess, with much consideration, I over reacted. But at the time my thoughts were real or justified. Now I guess not so much.
I am trying to compare our marriage to David and Laurel's, Fred and Sue's and Bert and MIllie's. They each have their own appearance. Stan and I do look good and feel good, but there is that one factor. Me. I do not have the mojo or sense that the others do. I feel that I have matured some. But I do not want to be Mrs. dull, boring, dependent person who I have seen in others, or on TV. .
I want to be a plus instead of a minus in the relationship. I do not want to be bossy but a teammate or partner. I am talking equal. I want to help Stan when he is not feeling well. I want to make independent decisions, as he suggested or hoped I would. I want to make our lives one that others would look at with admiration,.
We do want to stay married. we, I mean I, have a lot to learn, but I still want to be me. Just a better me. God wants me here, I believe. Stan and I want this to work. Life will probably have more surprises. Most of them good I hope.
I'll probably talk more about this because marriage is complicated and serious. (Listen to me talk!) But we can have fun too. And I don't just mean bedtime playl.
I do know that since we are both seniors, and have already shown signs of life's problems. that we will need the support of each other even more.
God please let us have several good years with more love and less fuss.
Thank you for listening.