The Lion and the Lamb

The Loss of a Loved One

How do you handle the loss of a loved one? Job 1:21 "...The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord."

This is a particularly relevant topic for me right now. My mother was diagnosed a few years ago with stage four liver cancer. She was given a few weeks to live. Due to some dietary changes and some other natural things we tried (chemo didn't work for her) she lived two more years. (Thank you, God!)

She felt great most of the time. When she did start to go downhill, it happened very quickly. I'm the only one of my siblings that lived in the same town as our mom, so it fell to me to take care of her. I woke early every morning and went to her house. I stayed there until after midnight. EVERY. DAY. It was a terrible time for me. I never saw my kids. My husband made the best of things. We would text each other a lot. He'd bring us food. I cried a lot. I still do.

I remember one day she felt really good. She assumed that she was getting better, so she planned to cook dinner for my family the next night. When the next day came, she didn't feel well. I didn't know how to broach the subject to her, because I didn't want to make her feel bad. But at the same time, my family would be coming soon and there was no food. So, I went to the fridge, and said: "Do you want me to go ahead and start dinner?" I knew she felt bad. She'd hoped things were getting better. Things worked out okay. My family came, we ate and visited.

She died on September 3, 2018. She was 61.

It's been hard for me, because of a lot of reasons, but mostly because I'm not 100% sure that she was saved. Her beliefs and mine differed, but she had a very Christian-like perspective. Did she have a relationship with Him or just head knowledge? That's what I don't know.

How do I handle it? Well, I spend a lot of teary moments in prayer and in the word. I am patient with myself. I let myself cry if I feel like it. I talk about her. Mostly, I hope that someday I get to see her again.

Photo left to right: my sister, Betty, my mom, my brother Mike, sister, Karla, and me.