We Dream About Surviving

Chapter 5 - Buried Alive

September, 2342

As Shadow is a 17 year old high school student, he has some obligations, that I don’t. One thing is the classes and the homework, that I get, but there’s also things I find to be flat out dumb and borderline complete waste of time. Every possible social gathering in regards to school falls into that category, hell, I find most social arrangements to be ridiculous. For instance I’ve never celebrated my own birthday, I attended Shadow’s back in July, but that’s different. I like Shadow, and these types of things matter to him, so of course I’ll be there. I agreed to go to his mother’s as well, but right about there my willingness starts to come to an end.

“Please-please-pretty-please?” he begs for the hundredth time, and I’m slowly starting to cave. “Seriously, we’ll only have to be there for a few hours, I promise!”

“But why? I don’t get it, why is this important?” I truly don’t, and if I have the slightest chance of getting out of it, I’ll grab it immediately. Unfortunately I don’t have any jobs planned, unless something pops up that exact day, I can’t get out of it. Even if it did, I’d have to ditch him in the last minute, something I definitely don’t want to do either.

“Because it’s a school dance, it’s my last year of high school and I really want to go.”

“You don’t even like half the people you’re in class with.”

“May’s gonna be there, I like her!”

“So what you’re saying is that you’ll drag me along for some horrible night, because you’ve got one friend who’s going? If she’s going, why don’t you just go with her?”

“She already has a date,” he scowls at me, “I want you to be mine.”

I groan, leaning my head back and rolling my eyes. “Fine.”

“Really?” he looks genuinely surprised.

“Yes, I’ll go to your dumb ass dance,” I finally cave, even if I don’t like it one bit. “But I’m not wearing a tux.”

“You have to, it’s formal dress,” he points out, a smile already plastered across his face.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Sure am, and you already agreed to go, you can’t take it back now!”

I scowl at him, before nodding resignedly. That is going to be the worst fucking day of my life, I’m sure of it. Never the less he looks happy, all giddy with excitement, and I guess that’s good enough. In the end, I want him to be happy, and if going to some stupid dance is what does it, then I better just roll with the punches.

***

I get ready for the dumb ass dance at my place, muttering swearwords while tying a tie, something that I needed to find guides online just to do. This is ridiculous, I look nothing like myself, stuffed into a white shirt and black tuxedo. I even had to get dress shoes, apparently you cannot wear sneakers to a dance, nor a tux in general.

Glancing at the watch I sigh heavily, it’s time to go and pick up Shadow. As much as I want to see him and spend time with him, I would do anything that it wasn’t like this. Why the fuck am I doing this again?

I grab my keys and jacket in the hallway, giving Tofu a big old ruffle on the head before leaving. I don’t care if it’s inappropriate, I’m wearing my leather jacket, and that’s final. The drive to Shadow’s place isn’t long, usually I just walk there, but he insisted we drove to the school. Why I have no idea, but it suits me fine, those damned shoes are already rubbing too tightly around my toes.

I push the buzzer next to his mom’s name, hoping he’ll just come straight down. The less people who sees me like this, the better. No such luck though, as Alice answers the door, and buzzes me inside, telling me to come up. Great, now his mom’s going to see me wearing a fucking tux too? I hardly ever feel anything, at all, but this has a slight hint of embarrassment to it. I feel like an idiot, dressed up as something I’m definitely not, like being a grown-up stuffed into a really bad Halloween costume.

It only gets worse, when his mother opens the door, and immediately starts gushing about how handsome I look. I hate everything right around now, pretty close to adding Shadow to the list, for making me do this.

He emerges from his room, and as much as I despise everything about this experience, the tux he’s wearing actually suits him. It’s gray, Shadow never wears black due to his pitch black skin, and it fits him perfectly. His hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail, sides and back newly trimmed down to a soft peach fuzz. I hate to admit it, but he looks damned hot like this, and a small smile finally finds it way to my lips. He mimics my move, smiles brightly at me, as he moves over and kisses me.

There’s a bright flash as he does, and when I turn towards it, it’s Alice using her Sense as a camera. Motherfucking, the last thing I need from this night, is proof that it ever happened. It’s too late though, she’s quick and snaps a few more of us, before I finally pull Shadow towards the door.

“We’re gonna be late,” I grumble, trying to avoid the flashing light from the camera. He’s giggling though, and I shake my head in defeat. He really does want to go to this stupid thing, and I’m just going to have to live through it.

***

Arriving at the school dance, there must be at least a hundred people there, both juniors and seniors being invited. It’s a big school too, and the party itself is held inside the gymnasium. I used to go here, and I hated it just as much back then, as I do right now. I never fitted in to anything of what you’re supposed to do in high school. Not that I was bullied or anything like that, people were far too scared of me to try anything stupid like that, on account of me pretty quickly acquiring the title of being a psycho.

I guess that’s not too far off the mark, what I do taken into consideration.

Mainly they just left me alone, and that part I was fine with. I just didn’t get the point of me being there, especially not when I started killing people for a living. It occurred to me instantly, when I was hired for my first job, that I could make a career out of it, out of being good at murder. That’s when I dropped out, I didn’t even get my second job before I was out of that school. Even if I couldn’t make it as a professional killer, I’d much rather be anywhere but this hellhole of a school. Being at school meant I had to be around other people, even if I didn’t directly socialized with any of them, I still had to share space and air with them. Looking around at this overly stuffed gymnasium, filled with stupid high school kids all dressed up, reminds me exactly how much I dislike people.

“Hey,” a girl’s voice chirps, right next to me, and I barely turn my head, thinking she’s talking to someone else. When she pokes at me with a finger, I turn towards her, looking mildly disgruntled already. “Hi, I’m May,” she says in a chipper, giggly voice, “You must be Michael?”

I glance around quickly, hoping Shadow will step in between me and the girl, do something that keeps me from having to talk to her. I can’t spot him though, and with a deep sigh I introduce myself, “Yeah, I’m Michael.”

“So nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you,” she chatters on, “I don’t get why he hasn’t introduced us before, he always talks so fondly of you.”

My bet is it’s due to my quite obvious dislike towards other people, but I don’t say that out loud. Instead my mind is fumbling through things you’re supposed to say in these kind of situations, coming up with absolutely nothing. I don’t know how to be around people, Shadow I genuinely like, his mother and Harvey I tolerate, but everybody else? They’re all swaying somewhere between ‘annoying’ and ‘despise’. I know I’m supposed to be polite, I just don’t know how to be so.

“Not much of a talker, are you?” she winks at me, maybe catching on to my general discomfort at being in a situation like this. “That’s okay, my mom’s always told me I talk enough for four people, at least!”

I nod at this, stuffing my hand down the pocket of my pants, still not knowing what to say. “I guess not, no.” I finally agree to her first statement, at least that much is true.

“Well I must admit I’m a little mad at you,” she says, but she’s smiling as she does. Why oh why is some teenage girl mad at me? Do I even remotely care about this? Nope, not even a little.

“And why is that?” I still muster to say, in spite of the fact that I really don’t give a fuck. She can hate me for all I care, it’s not my problem.

“Well you are off battling me at the title of being Shadow’s best friend,” she winks again, but this time I look at her completely stunned. Shadow’s best friend? What the fuck is she talking about?

“Friend? I’m not Shadow’s friend,” I point out to her, still giving her a confused look. “I’m his boyfriend.”

Now she looks baffled, taken off guard, like I’ve just released some big, national secret.

“You’re his...” she trails off, and it dawns on me that he hasn’t told her this specific little detail. It’s not a detail in reality though, in fact, it’s huge.

I don’t even bother with excusing myself, I just turn away from her, spotting Shadow standing somewhere in the crowd, and walk straight up to him.

“I’m leaving,” I state, and he looks at me surprised.

“But we just got here,” he begins, but I cut him off immediately.

“Yeah well, as your friend I really don’t have to stick around for this. I might if I was your boyfriend, but apparently, I’m not.”

I turn on my heel, and walk straight out of the gymnasium. I’m not having any more of this conversation, not here, and I’m not sure I want to have it anywhere at all.

Getting as far as the car, Shadow half runs up to me, and grabs onto my shoulder. I instinctively pull away from him, but he latches on again.

“Michael, I-” he begins, but I don’t respond. Instead I just shrug off his hand and get into the car. I can hear him calling after me, but I don’t give a fuck, I just pull out of the parking lot and go home.

***

It feels like the longest drive home. It doesn’t take more than 20 minutes, but my mind is running rampant. I can’t remember the last time I was this pissed, in fact, I’m not sure I ever have been. I’ve been frustrated if something didn’t go exactly as planned at work, but I’m not one to get mad. Annoyed and irritated, yes, but never mad. It’s not in my nature to get mad, that would mean I actually gave a fuck for something, but right now, I’m fucking mad.

How could he not tell her that I am his boyfriend? She’s supposed to be his best friend, how could he possibly have kept this from her? And most importantly, why? Why would he keep our relationship a secret, to anyone? His mom knows about it, I can’t wrap my brain around why he’d keep it a secret to anyone. It never seemed as if he did, at least not to me.

I make it to my usual parking spot, but I stay inside the car, trying to figure out what I’m going to do. I can’t just go home, it doesn’t sit right with me, I need to do something to get this feeling out of my system. In the end, I pull back out on the streets, take off in an arbitrary direction, and just drive. I’ll figure something out at some point, right now I just need to be in motion, do something other than just sit around and feel shitty.

After a while, I find myself being in a part of town, I’m unfamiliar with. There’s a large building ground, that will most likely contain new blocks of concrete sometime soon. I pull up to it, and get out of the car. There’s actual dirt and sand here, something that is hardly ever seen within Destiny City, in fact, I can’t remember a single time I’ve seen anything resembling earth in this place. It’s a starry night, the air is cold and crisp, and suddenly I know just what I feel like doing. Something that will calm me down, if only for a little while.

Glancing around the lot, I spot them. Two teenage boys, sitting on a large pile of metal rafters, drinking beers and laughing. Absolutely fucking perfect. Sneaking around the ground, I check for any more of them. There’s none, just those two lonely kids, thinking they’ve got their whole lives ahead of them. They do not, though, I’ll turn that theory upside down in just a second.

There’s building materials everywhere, and I grab onto a piece of metal piping. It’s definitely hard and heavy enough to do what I have in mind, and this site is perfect for it.

Sneaking up from behind, only one of them barely manages to notice my shadow, before I slam the piece of metal right into his temple. There’s a crushing sound, bones breaking, blood spattering all over the place. The other one screams, tries to jump to his feet, but it doesn’t matter what he does at this point. Even if I had to chase him all over the place, I’d eventually get my hands on him. He doesn’t get to run at all though, as I ram the metal pipe right into his left knee, making him scream again, and tumble to the ground. Pretty sure there’s no one around to hear them, this site seems to be completely void of people.

There’s already a big hole in the ground, where the construction people have begun digging out for the foundation of the building. It’s deep, and the sides are too steep for anyone to get up. The two of them aren’t in any kind of condition to make a run for it either way, but it’s nice to have a little time on my hands. Dragging them one by one, I throw them into the hole, their bodies making loud snapping noises as they hit the ground. Pretty sure I’ve already broken half the bones in their bodies, hell, they might already be dead, but I’m not entirely done yet. I could just let them lie there, but I want to be absolutely sure that they not only die, but suffer as well. One of them is still whimpering, the one I hit in the knee, and he’s trying to get back up. Doesn’t matter, he’s not going to make it.

There’s a large piece of machinery standing at the top of the hole, and it looks like something I should be able to control. It’s already got it’s big metal mouth covered in a pile of sand, all I have to do is push it forward, and tilt it over the edge. Should be doable.

I climb into its drivers seat, looking over the massive amounts of buttons. Someone left the key in the ignition, it’s dumb luck, but if it hadn’t worked out that way, I would have found some other way of killing the two of them. Slowly I turn the key, and it makes a ruckus. Lights flashes on, the massive piece of machinery starts to vibrate, it seems like a mess. Good thing is I don’t care, I just don’t give a fuck for anything right now.

I test a few of the handles and buttons carefully, and once I’ve figured out which controls what, I go forward, pushing the large amount of sand in front of me. I’m a little uncertain as to whether there’s enough of it, but at the very least, it’ll hit them hard enough to kill them.

Inching towards the edge, there’s an annoying beeping sound, but I can ignore that. I manage to stop right at the edge, having scooped up even more dirt as I went, and then all there’s left to do is dump it down on top of the two boys. I have a feeling the one with the knee is screaming down there, but I can’t hear him over the sound of metal moving against metal.

Carefully I push another button, but it only turns up the strength of the light. I shut it back off, no need to attract any more attention than the most necessary. Instead I pull at a lever, and that does the trick. The entire mouthful of dirt is tilted, tumbling straight down into the hole, right on top of the boys. The knee-kid is trying to get away from it, but the hole isn’t big enough for him to hide, and he gets just as crushed as his little friend does.

Heaving a deep sigh of relief, I turn off the machine and climb back out. I brush off my gloved hands, feeling immensely satisfied with myself. Some of the anger has left my body, replaced by a more numb, yet oddly serene, feeling. I think I’m ready to go home now, to be with my dog, and at least try not to think about this night anymore. Getting back inside my car, I take one last look at the building site. I’ll have to remember to look for places like these, they are practically one big playground for someone like me.

***

I spot him as soon as I leave the elevator; Shadow’s sitting right there at my door, waiting for me. I gave him the code to the front door a long time ago, making sure he can at least get inside the building if I’m not home. He jumps as soon as I exit, and he looks somewhere between nervous and sad. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say or do, the anger has left my body, but I still feel something. Maybe it’s hurt, I’m not sure, but it’s a feeling I haven’t felt before. For a second I just stand there, looking at him, before I sigh and move forward to unlock the door.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him, slightly pushing past him to get the key in.

“I… I came here to talk to you. I’ve been waiting for hours, where have you been?”

“Out,” I feel no need to divulge on that particular subject, ‘out’ is as much as I’ll tell him.

“Can I please come in?” there’s a begging tone to his voice, and his lower lip is trembling slightly. He seems to be genuinely upset, but I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.

Sighing I open the door and wave him inside. Tofu jumps up against me when I enter, then turns her attention towards Shadow. She’s happy to see him, even if I’m not sure I am.

Slipping out of my jacket and shoes, I go into the living room, and sit down on the couch. I have no idea what’s supposed to happen right now, I don’t even know what I want to happen, I just feel like shit.

“Look, I… I know I should have told her a long time ago,” he begins, sitting down next to me. We’re both still in our tuxes, and we look oddly misplaced within my apartment, with all my old furniture, and the dog shuffling aimlessly around. “It’s just… I’m weird enough as it is, you know? Being Evolved and everything, I’ve always been the weird kid, now I’m supposed to be the gay weird kid? It’s just… A lot.”

Within a split second I go straight back to being mad. “Right, so being with me is hard on you?” I spit out the words before I can even think them through, but I stand by them none the less.

“That’s not what I’m saying, I’m just saying that the whole situation is hard.”

“We have been together for almost a year, Shadow, this part should be over and done with,” I get back up off the couch, I’m sitting too close to him, and it rubs me the wrong way. “At the very least you should have told me, that our relationship is some big secret.”

He squirms a little in his seat, twisting his hands together, not capable of saying anything to my accusations. He can’t, I wouldn’t even listen if he did.

“Michael I-” I cut him off before he gets another word out.

“You know what, no. Just no. I don’t wanna hear anything from you right now. We’ve been together for a long time, I am with you, I want you, I love you!” the words come out angry, and he looks stunned by them.

“You… What?”

“You heard what I said, but apparently it doesn’t matter.”

“No no, you said something, I need you to say that again!”

“Who gives a fuck what I said, you’re the one who obviously has some issues with the two of us being together.”

He looks at me, eyebrows scrunched up, biting down on his lower lip. For a second he just sits there, giving me this strange look that I can’t decipher, before he without a word pulls out his Sense. He doesn’t even glance in my direction, before he opens up the screen, going through the list of contacts coded into it. He looks concentrated and slightly nervous, before he pushes the first contact floating delicately in midair, just a bunch of purple lines.

Another screen appears, and for a second there’s only three dots, jumping up and down on in midair. A girl appears, she’s at the party we just left, loud music playing in the background.

“Hey Shadow, where did you go?” she asks, a bright smile plastered across her features. She’s obviously drunk, but apparently that doesn’t matter to Shadow.

“Hey, I really can’t talk right now,” he begins, which makes no sense as he was the one to call her. “I just need to tell you that I’m gay, and the guy I was at the party with is my boyfriend Michael.”

She looks somewhat surprised, then opens her mouth to say something. Shadow doesn’t give her any time to do so though, he just hangs up on her, then calls up the next contact on his excessively long list.

He repeats every word he just told the first girl, to some guy who’s eyebrows are just about ready to pop off his forehead. This guy looks like the typical jock type, and I’m not sure if this is is a smart move for Shadow. Never the less he does, and as soon as he’s hung up, he moves on to the next. I just stand there, watching him make one call after the other, feeling like I’m in some sort of trance.

This is… Ridiculous. Sweet, I think, but beyond ridiculous. Before he gets to make a sixth call, I grab the Sense out of his hands, pushing what I hope is the close button. Sighing I hand it back to him, running a hand across my stubbly head.

“You… This is…” I fumble out the words, not entirely sure what I’m trying to say. “This is idiotic, and you don’t have to do it.”

He shrugs, just about ready to turn the Sense back on and pick up where he left of.

“Yes, I do. I need you to say that again, and if I have to call every contact I’ve got to get you to do so, I damned sure will,” he states as he browses through his list, trying to get back on track. I groan a little, then sit down next to him, pulling his hand away from the screen.

“Look,” I say quietly, “This is… Stupid. You already knew that,” I waver for a second, not entirely sure of my own words. “Right?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t know anything, unless you tell me, Michael. I know you’re not good with feelings, but I can’t guess stuff like that, I can’t just take something like that for granted.”

“But we’ve been together for almost a year,” my tone has gone a lot softer than it was ten minutes ago, and I’m struggling to get out the words. “Isn’t it… A given at this point?”

“Not unless you tell me.”

I’m squirming a little in my seat, I honestly never thought about telling him, up until this point. I bow my head, nodding slowly. “Okay. I get that. But I do. I love you.”

He looks some odd combination of happy and relieved, as he leans over, lifts my head by my chin and kisses me softly. “I love you too.”

A small smile grace my lips, it’s odd, even if it shouldn’t matter at this point, it does. It matters a lot actually, those words settle in my mind, my stomach and my heart, making small fluttery motions there.

I’ve never loved someone before, not even remotely. But as always, Shadow is different. Him I love, even if I didn’t get the concept up until now, I just know I do. I’ve probably known that for a long time, I just never thought about saying it out loud. Maybe it has been a little frightening to pass on the words, maybe I’ve felt actual fear for the first time in my life, in regards to this. It doesn’t matter now though, now I’ve said it, and I lean in closer, our kisses growing deeper.

“Do you want to go back to the party?” I ask sincerely, and if he does, I’ll go along with him. I won’t even mind so much this time, the happiness overshadows how little I want to be around people.

He shakes his head though. “Nah, I’d much rather be here and listen to you say that over and over again.”

Laughing I do as he says, and repeat myself, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispers against my lips.

For a good half hour, we just sit there on the couch, the same words running back and forth between us. It’s soft and sweet, and I didn’t even realize how much I wanted this, until just now.

“Do you wanna move into the bedroom?” he asks. We’ve inched closer to one another, he’s in my lap with his legs up around my waist, my hands are firmly on his back.

No longer capable of saying anything, I just nod, halfway lifting him up with me as I move away from the couch. He laughs a little, wraps his legs tighter around my waist, and lets me carry him into bed.

We halfway tumble into it, as I try to put him down gently, and he just pulls me down with him. Laughing I lie on top of him, still kissing, a hand wrapping around the back of his head, pulling at the hairband that’s keeping his ponytail in check. He’s pulling at my shirt, and not until now do I notice the small blood spatters crossing the front. Fuck. He doesn’t notice though, he’s too caught up in ripping my clothes off to see any of the finer details. I can’t believe he didn’t spot it earlier, but once again, I luck out. Right now I feel like the luckiest man in the universe, for so many different reasons, I almost can’t cope with all of it.

Struggling with his tie, he chuckles a little and helps me remove it. I snort at the annoying thing as I throw it over my shoulder, hopefully I won’t have to wear one of those again, any time soon. I tug at his shirt, just about ready to rip the damned thing off of him, instead of fumbling through every little button. He takes over for me, and I must admit that there’s something hot and enticing to seeing him undress himself like this.

Shrugging off the shirt, he glides back down on the bed, and I follow closely, my hands running down his body, lips following closely and kissing every inch of it.

He’s out of breath, I think we both are, as I make my way to the soft hair on his stomach. Undoing his belt and the buttons on his pants, I drag every last piece of clothing off of him, in one ripping motion. Fuck he’s beautiful, lying on my bed, the fire burning in his eyes, the darkness of his skin standing out in clear contrast to my light purple sheets. Even though there’s only the dim light of the moon streaming in through the curtains, I can see him clearly.

For a second I just watch him, look him over from head to toe, take it all in.

His cock is resting heavily against his stomach, and I lightly run my fingers down it, making him shudder with anticipation. Slowly I move my mouth towards it, grip on a little tighter, and run my tongue over the tip. He groans, after a year I know exactly what he wants and what he likes. I use every trick in the book, but slower than I usually would. I want to drag this out, I want to be this close as long as I possibly can.

I can sense it when he’s about to come, and I pull away slightly, looking up at him. He’s tense, every muscle in his body ready for what is about to come, but I’ve stopped mid action, not fully allowing it just yet.

Instead I move myself back on top of him, kissing his lips softly, as I breathe, “Fuck me,” into his mouth. He nods frantically, pulls me in closer, making me scoot up further on top of him.

He wants to prepare me for it, but I remove his hands. Waste of time, I want him right now, and I don’t care if it hurts. Instead I move over him, he watches me with a slight worry in his eyes, but I just shake my head and smile. It’s good, I’m good, I just desperately want this right now.

We’re so used to one another that his dick hits the right spot as soon as I push myself down on top of it. I wince a little, but it feels too damn good to do anything but continue. Slowly I begin moving, rolling my hips and back as I ride him. With one hand he’s gripping at the sheets, the other he wraps around my dick, stroking it roughly, just the way I like it.

Breath staggering, I lean forward and bury my head in his shoulder, a small moan escaping my lips. I kiss his neck, teeth nibbling at it, just hard enough to leave tiny marks. He’s gotten both his ears pierced and slightly stretched the hole up to 5 millimeters, giving me a piece of steel jewelry to run my tongue along. He sighs heavily, cranes his neck and twists it to the side, giving me better workspace. I almost can’t concentrate for the surges of pleasures that’s running through my entire body, as his hips start moving in unison with my own, pushing up a little deeper and harder. He keeps hitting the right spot, stroking me in perfect tune while he does so, and as much as I try to hold back, I end up spilling all over his hand and stomach.

He makes a little satisfied laugh, he enjoys it when I come before he does, he likes to watch my face when I orgasm. It doesn’t take more than a few more thrusts and twists of my hips, before he comes deep inside of me, moaning fiercely as he does so.

For a little while I stay put, catch my breath and let him calm down to the point where I can remove myself without bringing him any discomfort. He still winces a little when I do, but it’s a satisfied sound. I roll down next to him, run my fingers through his damp, ruffled up hair. I have acquired a small side table for my bedroom, a place to put an ashtray and a pack of cigarettes, for exactly this kind of thing. Scooting up into a sitting position, I grab two from the pack, and hand him one of them.

He chuckles a little, “You know, it’s closing in on being a year ago since you said I’d pick up this habit.”

“And was I right?” I gloat a little, as he nods resignedly.

“Yes, you were right.”

I light up both our cigarettes, settling the ashtray down in bed between us. There’s a brief moment of silence, both of us taking deep drags off our little cancer sticks. Then he leans in, kiss me on the neck and whispers a soft, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I respond, turning over and kissing him deeply. The leftover smoke gets mingled in our mouths, and a little puff escapes when we release one another.

This is everything I ever wanted, and so much more, so many things I never even thought that I could get. It’s sweet and hot at the same time. Sometimes it’s tough too, but in the end it’s all worth it. As long as I’ve got Shadow, I don’t need anything else.