Complex Numbers

Fortress of Solitude

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? How do you recharge your batteries?

I don't believe it's binary.

That is, like many other human attributes such as gender and sexual orientation, I'm pretty sure there's a sliding scale. Not that I have any evidence to back it up; only nonscientific observation.

Additionally, the classic portrayal of an introvert is rather unflattering and, worse, inaccurate. "Quiet guy. Kept to himself." They always say that about serial killers after they've been caught, and it makes it sound like that's the cause, rather than them being sociopaths or mentally ill. Mental illness, of course, also isn't an indicator that someone will go on a killing spree.

I've been describing myself as an introvert for years. And, I suppose, given that I do need time alone to recover, I'd fall somewhere on that end of the spectrum. But otherwise, I'm not sure I'd fit the classic profile. I like meeting people. I have a few close friends, but I also have the attitude that almost anyone I meet is a potential friend, and I'm on good terms with a fair number of people that I couldn't consider close friends.

Perhaps it's more that I've simply had to learn to like being alone, because I've had no other choice. I have no siblings (of which I'm aware, anyway). I grew upspent my childhood in a rural area, and the only other kids around, I wasn't allowed to play with. (My parents considered them a bad influence. Their parents considered me a bad influence. Go figure. One of those kids eventually ended up in prison for murder one, so perhaps we were bad influences on each other.)

Anyway, point is, I had to find other ways to distract myself. Endless hours of solitaire. Reading books. Biking alone. Writing terrible poetry. Studying chess. Building model rockets. Making up my own games. When personal computers started to be a thing, I took to them like a moth to the flame. And I did, in fact, enjoy it all. It was only later that I realized that book-reading and game-playing were things that other people only did between social interactions; for me, they were my primary hobbies, interrupted by the tedium of having to deal with people. Still are, in fact.

And yet... in the (unintelligible) years I've been around, I have never managed to live on my own for more than about a month. Always there were parents, then later college roommates, girlfriends, wives, or just friends who needed a place to crash. My work always involved bosses or business partners.

Don't get me wrong; I like my current housemate just fine. We're good friends, and we (mostly) get along in terms of housework as well. Before she started living here, I had other housemates - again, friends who just needed a place to stay. But sometimes I just want to know if I can manage to live alone. Meanwhile, it's a perfectly good arrangement.

The problem with other people is that they bring drama, and I despise drama (outside of fiction, of course). Yes, I know, this probably means that I'm the source of the drama. Whatever; I don't care. Doesn't change how I feel about it. So I limit my time with people.

I usually travel alone. Weeks on the road, just me and my music in a car. Sometimes it'd be nice to have a companion for that, especially when I feel like having a couple of beers, but I wouldn't use someone just as a designated driver. Unless they wanted to get paid. Position's open, by the way.

So, generally, I like most people. I just can't be "on" all the time, so I retreat.

I guess I could take the Myers-Briggs, but the little I know about that has convinced me that I could answer it in such a way as to make it show any result I'd want. Or, more likely, as my perceptions change over time and sometimes day-to-day, even if I answered honestly, I'd have a different result depending on my mood. Or I'd think about how I'd like to be rather than how I am.

Anyway. Point is, I can't really answer that question. Am I actually an introvert, or have I just learned to enjoy self-sufficiency? I suppose it doesn't matter. Functionally, I'm certainly not extroverted. Now, leave me alone.