Writing about writing

Post-NaNo Depression

I must admit I’m a little bummed out that NaNo is over. It’s an odd empty feeling, not knowing what I’m supposed to do when I get up, and I’m struggling hard to try and keep to the vacation plan. I feel oddly lonely, something I don’t usually do. I’m great at being by myself, I don’t lack human contact in general, it’s just… When I’m not working, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with myself. Working so insanely much through November, I guess I forgot what it’s like to just do nothing at all. I have all these options surrounding me; painting, reading, playing video games, watching movies; but nothing feels right. Instead I find myself just sitting around and listening to depressing music, feeling sorry for myself, that November is all gone and my book is finished.

Speaking off, the book has been posted here on writing.com, so if you’re in the mood for sex, violence and most importantly romance, go check it out.

I have to take all my post its for my NaNo book down from the bulletin board, to make way for new ones, and it feels hard to do so. I’m keeping them – obviously – but taking them down means it really is over and done with. That little project that grew so much, my “We Dream About Surviving”, the best thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of writing. I know it makes room for new discoveries and new things to spend my time doing, but… I don’t know, it’s still a lot to take in.

I’m trying to quit smoking again, there’s only a month and a half till my surgery, I should really try and focus on that. Smoking through November was a horribly bad decision, but at least I’m giving the non-smoking life another go. Some day I might just succeed, who knows, I don’t care all that much about it right now. It’s just one of those things I have to do, I guess.

Fuck this sucks! It fucking sucks that NaNo’s over, it fucking sucks that I can’t just slip down in front of the computer and know exactly what I’m supposed to do, it fucking sucks that I feel so lonely, it fucking sucks that I have to let this go. I guess I wasn’t quite ready for it to end, and that fucking sucks.

Now, I’m going to take those post its down, I have to do it sooner or later, might as well go and rip that bandage off. Afterwards? I don’t know. I’ll figure it out when I get there.

Go read the book, instead of this depressing blog. Seriously, it can only be better than this.