Writing about writing

October 26th 2018

Oh, 'cause there's a side, another side of me that can't get out,
A darker side that no one knows about
         Put The Gun Down, Andy Black

Today is not a good day. It started out horribly, I woke up and realized I had overslept by at least two hours. Going out to make coffee, I got the hiccups, something I hate so intensely that you wouldn’t believe it to be possible. It gave me a headache, just to add to the list of annoying shit. I realized I had left myself several angry post-it notes, neatly laid out on my computer. Every single one of them sounded like an impossible task. Then I logged on to Facebook, only to see some idiot comment on a trans-rights picture my friend posted. I called him out on his stupidity and ignorance, which only goaded him into attacking me personally. It must be so nice to be white, male, heterosexual and cis-gender. It must be so nice to get to play the game of life on easy. Unfortunately, not everyone got to do that. I sure as hell didn’t. I ended up slamming the lid on my computer, leaving the apartment. I went to the library, where I got two of the books I ordered home, but the noise there was insanely intense. When did libraries become a place for people to talk? Then I went to my local bar, had a cup of coffee with my friend. Her husband drove me home, and that’s where I am now, right back at those damned post-its. Today is not a good day.

The thing about the post-its is that they are terribly right. They always are, the post-its never lie to me. This time, they are pointing out two things:

1) There needs to be added more science fiction elements to “Murder Michael Mayhem”, and they need to be meaningful, not just a tacky backdrop, to make it seem futuristic.

2) There are some serious changes that needs to be done, to “Swaying Between Worlds”. One of those things I’ve truly been ignoring, but I probably knew all along that I was taking the easy way out. It’s probably six or seven chapters that needs to be re-written and/or changed.

I. Hate. Everything.

Right now I’m composing a list of possible science fiction elements, that could be implemented in some way. Like, I know flying vehicles are a thing in this universe, now how the fuck do I incorporate them and make them meaningful to the plot? Where have I fucked up along the way, ignoring these scientific discoveries, making the world less scientifically evolved than it should be? For instance, there’s a snippet where a guy is killed by dragging him after a car. How exactly is that possible, if the cars are meant to be flying? Seriously, tell me that, right now. It’s shit like that I need to figure out, and it is a lot harder than it might sound. It’s like when you first open up a new puzzle: Everything’s a mess. Then you work on it for a few hours, thinking: “This is going great!” before you realize you’ve put at least sixty pieces in the wrong place, literally jamming them in where they obviously don’t belong.

And it’s just as bad with “Swaying Between Worlds”, I really jumped the gun on being done with that one. I won’t have time to do any edits/rewrites before December, where I’m actually supposed to be on vacation, but this is serious stuff, I cannot let it go now I’ve seen it. Because let’s face it; making a bunch of people magically disappear entirely, sure is a lot easier than describing all of them lying around dead. God, I do not want to rewrite that shit, but I will never let it go if I don’t. It has to be the best version I can possibly make, it just has to. Hopefully it won’t delay the Monday postings, I might just be able to continue that without anyone noticing how I’m changing and rewriting later on in the story.

The most positive I have to say about today is this: I’ve got those books from the library, and I can now somewhat ignore the world, by curling up in the couch reading them, writing the odd note now and again, coming up with scientific shit for “Murder Michael Mayhem”. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now, just curl up and say, “Fuck it, this day truly sucks!”