Writing about writing

October 18th 2018

You are way more than a headache at this point,
Do us all a favor, and go fuck yourself
         Hypnotized, Set It Off

Since Monday, I’ve had this annoying feeling of having forgotten something. Something really important, most likely related to the book I’m writing for NaNo. I was starting to fear that I wouldn’t realize what the fuck it was, before October 31st 23:59, but luckily, I figured it out today. There was a big (and I mean really big) gap in my knowledge about the ending. There were all these characters I needed to kill off, but it seemed borderline impossible to do so. So I went for a walk, all pissed off at everything and nothing at the same time. I think I walked across half the city, before it finally snapped into place. It was just one of those: “AHA!” moments, and I sat down on the middle of the sidewalk to take notes. I know people walked by, shooting me strange looks, but what the fuck do I care? In the end, I had about 10 pages of handwritten notes, and was now finally able to go back home to my computer, and get it molded into sentences that actually made sense.

So I did, and now it’s done. The story line is finished, I now know how the whole damned thing is going to pan out, and I know just how much it is going to suck to write it. My bet is that from the 23rd till the 28th, I am in no mood to see or hear from anyone. Hell, I’ll probably spend most of the time in bed, just feeling shitty. Maybe I’ll turn off the internet and my phone, who knows, who cares? Point is I’ll be down in the dumps, because of something I made myself. I am literally making myself depressed. I’m such a fucking idiot.

Now I’m back at working at those damned character descriptions and some other stuff as well. I’ve only got two of the really big ones, and five smaller ones. It’s not that hard really, I just need to actually do it. I’ve got 12 days left, and besides the character descriptions there’s a little other stuff here and there that needs fixing. I can do it, I’ll be done in time, I’m sure of it.

I’m trying to maintain contact with the world outside of my computer, mostly by seeing my best friend and her husband, but also other people. Tomorrow night there’s this party, that I really should attend (if nothing else, then because I was invited and people actually want to see me there). It would be good for me to go, I’m just not sure I’ll be in the mood for it. But I do see some people, which is good, and I still keep in contact with my writing buddies over at the NaNoWriMo site. They are all very sweet and nice to talk to, not just about writing, but also about gay couples in fan-fiction, and eating too much cake.

Right now though, I should really go to bed. I think I’ve done what I can for today, and it would be nice to get up before noon tomorrow. Hell, I might even find some time to see my sister, it’s been a while, and I miss her. We used to live in different parts of the country, but she moved to where I’m at, which is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Seriously, you do not get how much I love my sister.

Okay, that’s it, I’m exhausted, and now I’m going to bed!