thoughts, words, deeds

a new baby

The baby is here. Well, technically, he got here a week ago after some complications in the delivery that involved an emergency C-section and a week in the NICU while Mama was stuck in a different hospital room with different complications and I was stuck at home with six children who are homeschooled and prone to crying jags and have certain expectations and some of whom (the nearly 2 year old and the 3 year old) have never been so long without their Mama all the time and the 3 year old is in the middle of toilet training . . .

I'm just glad that I was able to help because there was no one else. My brother was in the hospital with his wife, and the rest of the support system had jobs and obligations and health issues, but it does mean that at this point I am terribly tired. And full of cuddles. And bruised and vaguely disgusted (with the obligatory potty training explosive failure and late night vomit incident).

But the worst part for me was the NICU. I know that Abner (not my idea--my sister-in-law has definite ideas about naming her children) was basically healthy. It was a different hospital, a different experience--but I kept on thinking about Caleb and the way he was so still and leaving so slowly and I was so happy that this was a different kind of miracle but I kept remembering the ways things can go wrong and I couldn't talk about it with my sister-in-law and my brother . . .well the last thing that you want to do with new parents (for the seventh time) is remind them about the tragedy that could have been. And every time I saw Abner in those beds, I remembered and I was so happy and so sad at the same time . . .

I'm just glad I was able to help. And I needed to express the conflict and it's impossible to family at this point.

The baby is here. And he's healthy and growing and everyone is basically healthy and I will be able to get sleep now that we're all home again.