Carly's Ramblings Blog - Style

Ghosts of Scars

Blog City - Day 1666

Prompt: Jeff Vandermeer, in his Wonderbook, talks about a “scar” or a “ghost of a scar” or a “splinter”, which exists in a writer’s background that inspires or causes him to begin to write. In his case, it was his parents’ divorce when he was a child. What other kinds of “ghosts of scars” can inspire the urge to write? Do you know of any real-life examples of it?

For me in was the breakdown of my parent's marriage. The vibrancy of the emotions, the tension. Life began to move in slow motion and I, even at seven, could feel the tension - it could be cut with a knife as I watched my parents go through the motions of fixing the evening meal. I remember writing those first stories of happy families with perfect children as a way to compensate for all that we were lacking. In my own small way I was internalizing the breakup and thinking 'if only I was more perfect' things would be alright. It does not matter what parents tell their children, the children will always take some responsibility in the breakup. How could I not, when stories of their past included parties they never had after I was born. My dad's life seemed unchanged by my birth, but my mother spent more time with me.

I have come to learn that they were very different people not fully suited to each other. I was a product of their union, and they both loved me, but they could not sustain their own love.

Teenage angst could also be a time when "ghosts of scars" can emerge. Life changes then and so do the expectations on you as you move into adulthood. Learning to navigate the world of relationships brings heartache and pain. No one makes it through unscathed. Some of us turn to writing as a way of making sense of the situation. I wrote a lot of poetry while I was in high school. I also wrote stories of my cherished grandparents who were a strong underlying presence through my life at that time.

Life events, particularly the more darkly emotional ones, like breakups and divorce, have also added to the cauldron of my life experiences and each thing adds to the broth that is my life. All those things marinate and compost themselves into something far richer and nutrient dense than they were initially.

Writer's live lives. They experience and turn their hardships and scars into stars - moments when universal connectedness can be achieved. We see the deeper essence of the experience and we share that... hoping our words and stories open up the moments and bring light and understanding to others.

Reaching others - that is my goal and how I gauge my success.