Selah // Something Witty

I'll be seeing you. I'll find you in the morning sun.

Date: 05.23.18 -- Day 85
Music: "I'll Be Seeing You" / Billie Holiday

Many apologies to every for not writing much that past few weeks. Things have been chaotic and hectic beyond measure, only to come to a complete stop last week with the news that my paternal grandmother, the woman whose name I hold in my own, had passed away.

For the past few months I've been flying back and forth to Los Angeles to visit with her while she was in the hospital off and on. I've written about it here, but have kept the entries private as at the time I was going through some very complicated emotions. The emotions are still complicated, but now I have the extra layer of grief to add to them. She was a beautiful, complex, damaged woman. For better or worse, she was a large factor in making me what I am today. Our relationship was just starting to be something that was joyous, something that did not hurt our hearts when being in the same room with each other. Now that she is gone, I'm not sure what to feel. I'm not sure how to cry.

There are so many things I want to say, and I have a feeling I will be writing about her and my family a great deal this coming month. I want to apologize and forewarn anyone who might peruse my blog that it might not make a ton of sense or might become this thing I cannot let go of as I try to untangle my thoughts. Please forgive me, if you can, for my tediousness.

I don't know when I'll be back to writing in full fighting form, but know that I want to be back. My goal for this year is to write more, and I have every intention of keeping that up. I just need...time, I think. I need to not be held in the grip of grief once more. Maybe my working on my blog will be the thing to help guide my out of this emotional maze. So, in some form or another, I'll be seeing you soon.