A Journal of Thoughts

Help the pain

When do you realize that you've given up?


Is it when your mother forces you to choose?


Between your mental health and her?


When you defend a man who she didn't let you have?





Or is it when your PTSD gets to be too much, and the anxiety hits you?


You go into a panic attack and can't breathe, want to cry.


The pain doesn't fade, and you only feel worse.


They tell you that you're okay, but it doesn't feel that way.





You feel like you're a burden, unwanted, unneeded


They assure you it isn't true,


But why else would your mom get rid of you?


Why else would you be forced into a situation you have no control over?





What do you do when your mind feels raped by the memories?


When your psyche is slowly breaking down, and no one sees it?


Do you seek help?


Or let it go on, possibly breaking you?





Do you really know what others think?


Is it just a guessing game of what's fine and what's not?


I'm tired of the pain.


I'm tired of feeling unneeded and unwanted.





I'm tired of the coping. I'm tired.


Please, take my pain away.