This is my book of poetry that I hope to eventually publish with photos. |
no one counts my tears they are invisible to all hidden in the solitude hidden in the shadow because no one can count what they cannot see so I’ll hide my tears away to be counted by only me I think about the choices and all that lies behind and I don’t let it define me and I don’t let it remain but when I face tomorrow and see what lies before I really have no choice but to wish for so much more it seems to me that my mistakes are just too big to ignore and others can make many and go on as they have done but when I fail and fall there are many to see it happen and they are quick to let me know and my spirit crush and dampen no, no one counts my tears as they fall from my eyes and none can know my fears as they eat me up inside because I am so strong alone and I stand without expression to keep myself safe from harm I’ve long ago learned my lesson I wonder why I try to show someone they never see regardless of all I do and say the real me is a failure to them and the me that I am inside remains locked away tight so rejection is only surface and there is a glimmer of light no one counts my tears except for God Himself as He watches me break inside and crumble beneath the guilt the fear of condemnation the fear of all the blame knowing that it is justified makes it hurt all the same I am unworthy of the joy that others seem to have and unworthy to be a mom or a wife or a friend unworthy to be loved to be accepted by anyone because I am so selfish my actions can’t be undone it is good that no one sees the hurt that hides within for then they’d know my weakness and they’d find ways to hurt me more or I would find ways to hurt them with more selfish actions as is my way no, it’s better no one sees my tears better they stay locked away no one counts my tears no one knows my heartache no one knows the doubt that plagues my very soul no one hears me wonder if I’m wrong in all this strife because I know I don’t deserve all He has offered me in life I want to run far away but my failures would follow and I wonder if I will ever find freedom and joy in this life maybe I can find some hope or purpose even here and then I can truly be free of crying and worry and fear no one counts my tears it wouldn’t matter anyway they would still fall regardless if anyone saw them falling so I will try not to show that I’m so very broken within and maybe someday it’ll be true and I’ll never be bound again
"How you turned my world, you precious thing! You starve and near exhaust me... Everything I've done, I've done for you! I move the stars for no one!" If you are wondering who I am, then you haven't looked closely enough... ~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~ "Your eyes can be so cruel...just as I can be so cruel!" |