These Are My JOTtings...

Why Do I Write?

Writing is breath of my heart.
I breathe as I express emotions, thoughts, and the very depths of my soul in words.

The beginnings of my poetry writing
was a balm on my love-shredded heart at the age of thirteen.
I loved a girl, who didn't seem to know that I existed.
I had heard that poetry was a good release for pent-up emotions.
It was and it still is.

Giving my talent to God, I determined to go on living,
existing and writing for His Glory.

At least part of my attempts at writing has been to impress others.
Sadly, this reason often bears the least amount of fruit.

My thoughts about the world exude from my pores in words
that demonstrate
my beliefs,
my hopes,
my loves,
my very life.

I have despaired of writing at times
because my training in every form of writing is minimal.
I had one high school English Literature teacher,
who inspired me with the love of literature.

"Find a form of poetry that is most natural to you,
and you can write a poem as easily as you write a friendly letter."
This she quoth and this I have lived.
I have found it to be true over and over, again.

Will I ever be published?
I pray so.
However, I don't know how that will be possible,
unless some kind soul takes pity on me
to gently instruct me in the basics of how to create
what the bulk of the populace wants to read.

Why do I write?
Probably the most basic reason is that my writing helps my reading.
I don't know why it should be,
but my ability to read seems to be very slow and laborious.
I think most of my friends in life and on Writing.Com
can probably read circles around me.
It took me fourteen months to complete my first reading of the King James Version of The Holy Bible.
All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
took me a good six to eight weeks to complete last year during The Rising Stars Program.

Apparently, I write because my writing is on par with the speed of my ability to read.
It makes sense to me.
I certainly understand it better,
when it's coming off my fingers at that rate of speed.

I'm not sure that I am a very good writer, socially.
To be a good writer, socially,
it appears that the writer must not only be able to write his (or her) own work,
but he (or she) must be able to read the works of others, often and voraciously.
However, as a slow reader my ability to keep up my end of social reading is consistently poor.
(These words have taken me about 45 minutes to write so far.)
I want to read the poems and stories of others, giving excellent reviews,
but my average review requires an hour or two of reading the other writer's work,
and then pouring over the words in order to give an accurate, helpful and encouraging review.

Why do I write?

I write because God made an amazing realm of existence,
I have a unique perspective in observing His Creation, and
I must breathe these thoughts onto paper or computer screen...

...or I die!

Will the world ever "get" me?
Some may.
Many may not.
But I have to keep trying to say the ideas that exist in my very core,
whether any other human ever appreciates it or not.

If there is a way to express my thoughts
in order to help other readers to understand my thoughts more clearly,
then I am all for learning how to express my ideas in a better way.

It's in my heart to be a socially-acceptable reader.
After all, "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" seems to be the way of the world at large.
It is my desire to increase my reviews in 2018. I'll do the best that I can.

When I write something that I know to be excellent,
I feel pleasure and relief that the "song" no longer exists only in my heart.
When I write something that I believe shows my unique skills as a writer,
then I feel the pleasure of The Lord's beating heart because I have honored Him
by relating to Him in a very personal way.

When I write I live my healthiest mental existence.
I write because writing pours from my heart
as breath pours from my lungs, and
as blood pours from my heart to the rest of my body.

I write because I can't not write.
I don't ever write badly on purpose.
I write badly, when I have yet to learn how to write well in some area.

Babies cry because that is their only voice.
When a toddler learns to speak words, that voice becomes more unique.
School children learn to express that voice with clarity.
Some with greater and some with lesser skill.

Some are natural writers, telling stories without really trying.
Some writers, like me, can learn how to tell stories little by little
through association with patient teachers.

I never writer just for myself.
I write for others,
who are like me,
who are able to value my words...
as messy,
as clumsy,
as homely
as they can sometimes be.

I write to be heard
by those who exclaim,
"Finally, someone 'gets' me!
That writer knows exactly, who I am!"

I write like I cook.
I know what I want to eat and I create dishes to fit that taste.
When I learn what others like to eat,
then I can create their favorite dish over and over and over, again.

Experience makes for better writers as well as better cooks.

I write because I must.
I'm always hoping for...
that tool,
that spark,
that experience
that will make me a better writer all around.

Until then, I will soldier on
using the tools that I have.

(Over an hour to write about 1000 words.
That's about average for me.)

by Jay O'Toole
on February 10th, 2018