Writing in Snow

Midweek Reflections on Becoming my Authentic Self

‘Idál (Justice), 5 Sharaf (Honor) 147 B.E. - Wednesday, January 3, 2018

What would I like my life to be like?1 I contemplate this question, as I considered my 2018 Dear Me letter. I didn't write a Dear Me letter in 2017, however, this year is different. This year is different for several reason. First, I am 71 years young, and I have to face the possibility that I may not have very many years left on the physical plane. Eventually, my physical body will die, and my soul will transcend into the next world. This means that I have to accomplish some of my dreams while I am (my soul) is still in this physical body. It means I have to overcome the fear that haunts me and stops me from doing my best to proclaim Baha'u'llah's name and accomplish my dream of becoming a published author.

Why do I limit myself? Fear, memories from my childhood, and memories of sexual abuse by my mother's male companion. I don't want to mention his name at this point, maybe I will in another entry. Right now I just want to write down the main topics of what prevents me from becoming my authentic self. The main issue is fear, fear that people won't like who I really am. Fear that I don't know who I really am. I have managed to confront these two fears in small way, but I still have a long way to go before I can get beyond them (if I ever can get past them.). My biggest problems is fear, which--with the help of Baha'u'llah--I'm overcoming.

Who is my authentic self? Sometimes I think I know, and at other times I'm not sure. The one thing I am sure of is that I'm a spiritual being having a material/physical experience. My true self, my authentic self, is my soul. My soul, my spirit, is a gift from the Almighty. This is the answer I always think about when I ask myself the question "Who/what is my authentic self?" It is the answer I need to focus on, unfortunately sometimes I lose my focus, and this is when doubt and fear overshadow my mind and soul. I have to work to keep my focus on what is important, and only through prayer, meditation, and writing am I able to keep that focus.

What is possible? I don't know what is possible; however, I know that the Almighty knows. I worship the All-Knowing and Unknowable Creator through Baha'u'llah. Therefore, I can find out what is possible by focusing on the scriptures and prayers revealed by Baha'u'llah. I can, also, talk to Baha'u'llah mentally, which I do. This helps me overcome my fears, and it assists me to see when my prayers are answered. The only problem I still have is asking for what I want. I need to work on this beginning today. It doesn't hurt to ask, because prayers are answered. They are answered in one of three ways: either yes, no, or wait.

Footnotes
1  Question asked in "Spiritual Newsletter (January 3, 2018)"  "Being more YOU in the New Year!"