Evolution of love

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES

A meditative experience

Prior to the experience, I had on Christmas day 2010, I had been practicing a certain form of meditation whereby my focus was on concentrating on what I call the 'space' that is between my thoughts.

What I was trying to accomplish was staying in that space with an attempt to reach a state of mindlessness. After many hours of practicing this, one day (prior to the experience), during one of my sessions I felt a very strong wave of energy go through my entire body.

The first time that this happened, it scared me, and as it was happening, I immediately resisted the feeling and bounced back out of the deep state that I had reached during the meditation. After thinking about the experience, I did not know what to make of it and I thought that I might have been at the threshold of death itself.

Weeks later, it happened again and I began to become very curious about what would happen if I did not resist the energy that was overtaking me. I began to work up the courage, in preparation for the next time that this happens, to surrender to the feeling without any resistance.

On Christmas day 2010, I was experiencing some difficulties with my family and we were not speaking to each other. I was single with no children and feeling very alone at that time. You might say that I was willing to explore where this state would take me because at the time I felt alone in the world and other than my belief in God, I was feeling very lonely (particularly because of the holidays) and unloved. This I guess helped me to have the courage to not resist this should it happen to me again.

On the day that my experience happened, I was lying down and I began to focus on my meditation when I felt what I would describe as walking through a door. A door that led from being in a conscious state that included various attachments to what I would call a pure state of only awareness.

Upon entering this state, I remember being awestruck at the sheer feeling of what I can only say is far beyond words.

Trying to describe it would be pointless and very misleading to anyone who has not experienced this for themselves.

Subsequent to this experience, I have yet to be able to reach this state a second time.

However, I have not tried many times because if I were to reach this state again, I might not choose to return. It is also very difficult (at least for me) to reach this state, as it takes a lot of concentration.

Since then I have also decided that I am not ready to leave this earth or this body yet, however, I feel that if I were, that it would be possible to do so via this path. This experience has shown me something that I would like to attempt to describe in words.

What I believe is that while we are in this body, we are equipped with the consciousness that comes with it.

The difference between how I view what this consciousness is, in relation to my view of what awareness is it is two different things.

Awareness for me is what is behind the consciousness that comes with the functioning of mind and body.

The awareness behind it, however, is of a much broader, infinite nature. The thoughts that we all have in our consciousness appear to be a constant stream that is continuous and linear in nature.
However, upon intense concentration on what is an iota of time between our thoughts, I believe that what I have experienced was a gateway leading out of consciousness and into the hidden spectrum of pure awareness that lies beyond.

While in this state, I have no memory of breathing or any other bodily functions that would be obvious in a normal state of consciousness.