Game of Thrones Workbook

Writing Challenge #3: Pink, Fluffy Unicorns

PROMPT #3: Pink, fluffy unicorns are apparently very popular. But what about unicorns who aren't pink? And who don't have a fluffy personality at all...


Chauncey glared across the fairy tale tavern at the group of pink, fluffy unicorns living it up in the corner booth. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

Pink, fluffy unicorns (or PFs, as they were more commonly known) were the most popular and celebrated of all the unicorn breeds. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that children assumed magical things were bright, sparkly, warm, and fuzzy; whatever the reason, it annoyed the shit out of hardworking everyday unicorns like Chauncey who were perfectly good unicorns despite not having the preferred coloring and texture.

Sure, Chauncey was a bit on the drab side with his matted gray hair and unicorn horn that looked more like a gnarly dead tree branch than a majestic magical protuberance, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t fly or grant wishes or bring joy to the children of the world just as well as those soft and cuddly rosé assholes.

The worst part about the PFs, other than the biased media that always like to pink-wash the unicorn community and pretend they all looked the same, was that the PFs tended to band together and exclude everyone else. It made Chauncey and the others feel like they were back in fairy tale high school again, invisible to the cool kids who couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to someone with a different color hide. Or a slightly bent horn. Or a mild limp due to a hereditary abnormality that prevented them from engaging in a full-fledged prance.

Chauncey gritted his teeth as the PFs across the room continued to guffaw at each other’s stupid jokes and inane anecdotes. Oh, how he would love to show them what it was like on the other side of the table; how it would feel to be an outsider for a change.

And that’s when Chauncey first got the idea. It was an idea that would have been ill-advised two or three unicorn ales ago, but now seemed perfectly reasonable. He pulled out his phone and dialed up his buddies; you know, those casual friends you keep at arm’s length except for when you have a really bad idea that calls for accomplices rather than devil’s advocates.

An hour later, Chauncey was still watching the PFs yuk it up when he got the text that indicated his buddies were in position and ready. From there, it was just a matter of waiting for the right moment.

Sure enough, a short time later, one of the PFs got up to use the fairy tale facilities. Chauncey couldn’t believe his luck; it was the pinkest and fluffiest of the PFs. The Alpha Fluffy. Chauncey followed him toward the restroom in the back. He followed close enough to cause the Alpha to turn around with a quizzical look.

Before the Alpha Fluffy had a chance to react, Chauncey clamped one hoof over his mouth and used the other to grab him by the sparkles. The Alpha winced and whimpered in pain as Chauncey manhandled him through the door leading to the back alley rather than the bathroom.

In the back alley, Chauncey’s buddies were waiting with the electric razor and the hair dye.

Ten minutes later, just as all his PF friends were wondering what happened to him, the Alpha stumbled back into the bar, panic-stricken and traumatized. His PF friends all gasped in horror at the sight of their leader. He now sported a full-body buzz cut in a mottled pink and royal blue pattern that could only come from hurried and inexpert use of haircare products.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Dear Reader, you might be wondering where the story goes from here. Well, I’ll tell you, it’s not pretty. Sure, Chauncey and his friends had a good laugh about the Alpha Fluffy’s embarrassing predicament, but they weren’t exactly laughing later that day when the Fairy Tale Sheriff showed up and arrested them for criminal assault with a hate crime enhancement.

Now, you might think that’s a pretty shocking and not very funny ending to a story about pink, fluffy unicorns... and you’d be right. That’s because there’s nothing funny about intolerance, even when it involves pink, fluffy unicorns.


(701 words)