Also Mutants

Any One Will Do

6-21-17

There's an alternate universe where
cable news stations are alerting
viewers that Jesus Christ is
coming, and- you won't wanna
miss this- he's a robot. His
prep work on us is almost over...
he's been reading all the Harlequin
classics at the Hopedale Memorial
Public Library And Ladies
Auxiliary Landfill For The Almost
Homeless, and he likes what he sees.
Thinks he'll fit in. Maybe get laid, even.
Assuming, of course, our lord and
lotharial savior isn't deported first.
But the real story- the one
the news doesn't tell you- is
that Robot Jesus is made of
Lego brick knock-offs, and
running a magnet over his
circuit board causes him to
question his sexual preference.
Meaning: all his book-learnin'
is doin' is he could be lovin' you
while thinkin' about someone else.
And in this alternate universe,
that one sin is greater
than all the rest combined,
but that's not concerning
to the loyal news patriots
or moral zealots who
think they have a chance.