Chris' Christian Blog

EX or no Ex

"EX or no Ex" 

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The Blog City Prompt Forum prompt for January 12, 2017 is "Close your eyes and Imagine for a moment...any lingering stress you have released out to sea. What will you let the waves carry away as you breathe clean ocean air? "

This seems like a pretty personal question and I'm sure there are those who don't want to hang their dirty laundry out there. However I've got no problem with stating what's on my heart because I've done so for years. I have had bi-polar I disorder, a severe mental illness since I was a teen. Often people with mental illness hide themselves in shame. I have no intention of doing that. I think am among good company when I say I have a mental illness because such greats as Abraham Lincoln, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and others had mental illnesses. Astronaut Buzz Aldrin had a severe case of existential depression once he returned from the first moon landing. He knew that nothing he ever did would top walking on the moon. I understand completely. So to answer the blog question I would have to say that the waves would carry away my indecisiveness at the moment over somebody I find myself very attracted to, who is also attracted to me. She and I fit like hand and glove and I know it's meant to be. I just find myself faltering on the edge of the parachute free fall we call love. To make matters worse, my ex-wife sent me a picture of my ex-wife and I that was taken in the early eighties. So that made my faltering worse. I know my ex-wife and I are through except for friendship. Yet I falter with the one I know has already devoted herself to me completely. Am I insane? I know I'm mentally ill but am I crazy to? I'd have to be not to go running to the one who wants me and leave my ex far behind. So yes, I'm a bit ambiguous and the waves can have it.