Sandy Supposes....

Yes, to Cargo Shorts

PROMPT: Talk Tuesday! There has been some backlash in the press recently about a staple of men`s fashion: the cargo shorts. Some think this style of clothing is an abomination and no longer appropriate for a man to wear, while its defender`s claim their roomy comfort and functionality of multiple pockets remain a practical and timeless feature. What`s your opinion.

         Oh my God! Really? This is an issue keeping people, and specifically fashion-conscious men awake at night? How can too many pockets be a problem? That`s a pretty damn strong word, abomination. I`m shaking my head in disbelief. Cargo shorts are considered disgusting and detestable.

         My hubby loves his cargo shorts. They provide him an option; somewhere to tote his wallet without sitting on it. Apparently, wallet-squishing is uncomfortable. Buttocks, that is to say the gluteus maximus, has sensitive nerves that become numb if pressed against unforgiving surfaces. I cannot relate since I sometimes tote a purse slung over my shoulder, and my neck develops a kink. Reclining on sharp objects such as keys is not pleasant either. Here in Canada, in a typical day, a man often accumulates a hefty pocket of loose change; we have the Loonie and the Twoonie, our one and two-dollar coins, plus nickels, dimes, and quarters. Who wants to sit on that? It is so much more practical for my hubby to retrieve his honey-do list from a cargo pocket than a back pocket, and he is able to accomplish this while still seated. Occasionally, a tool or several are tucked into a cargo pocket which decreases the possibility of personal injury. The cell phone appreciates the roominess and ease of retrieval the cargo shorts provide.

          These miracle shorts actually encouraged my hubby to forgo denim jeans in the sweltering summer. For years, he hid, or camouflaged his lower limbs, and so did I,( hide my legs, not his). Our son once commented to one of his teachers that ``his Mom and Dad didn`t wear shirts.`` Oh, I can imagine that woman struggling to maintain a straight face while envisioning this. I like cargo pockets, too. They eliminate the need for a purse, or any bag.

         Now to return to what is an abomination, that is to say what is disgusting and detestable. Since when are boxer shorts and, or underwear considered attractive? Why must they be prominently displayed well above a man`s saggy, baggy, droopy , over-sized pants for all the world to see? The pre-requisite belt required to hold the pants below crotch level is a ridiculous touch. Movement is curtailed and difficult; just watch these fashionistas attempt to climb stairs, run bases in a baseball game, jump anything higher than an inch, enter and exit a vehicle, and more. Oh yes, they are so utterly cool and hip....not. They are more like something that rhymes with `hip`....`dip`, `dippy.` In the Canadian climate, they truly do freeze their asses off.