Curious Incidents of a Flailing Mermaid

My Optimism Has Been Stolen

30DBC - 27th Jan - Prompt: Are you an optimist, pessimist or realist? Explain why you think so. Do you think your friends and/or family would agree or disagree with you?

Huh. It's kinda interesting that this prompt has come up. It means I can talk a little about the past week while answering the prompt.

I've been struggling with my depression quite a lot over the past few weeks and months. I'm fully aware of this and have been making a conscious effort to try and clear up my messy brain. I'm not there yet, but at least I'm trying.

The thing is, I'm a very positive person. I have to be positive in my work - so I wouldn't have got the job if I wasn't positive. In competition, I would consider the possibility of winning well before the possibility of messing up.
However, depression - or the black clouds as I call it - can suck out all the optimism and positivity from your brain. Even if you know full well that your life is pretty damn good really. So, when I say I'm trying hard, I mean I'm trying to wipe away all the negative shit to find how I really feel underneath the black clouds.

Unfortunately, Chris is currently going through a... what can I call it... a bit of a negative, moany and complaining spell. Mostly about work. Well, no, it is about work. But it has been seeping into everything. Seeing only what he hasn't got, rather than what he has, kind of thing. Pessimism at his greatest.
He goes through these stages every so often and, I think, I'm pretty good at helping him work through this stuff and making him see the positives.
But when you've got your own battles going on, it can be quite hard to deal with.

For example, the other day, I'd finally found the head space to start an essay that I'd been putting off for about 10 months(!). I was so pleased with myself. But, I was barely a paragraph in when Chris got home... straight away he started moaning about the fact nothing had been taken out the freezer for dinner. Then made a call to our mortgage company to complain about something. Nothing huge, but enough to bring negativity into the house.
Instantly, the positive head space I fought for (literally) hours to find, was gone! I was mortified.

So, I actually think that whether people are optimistic or pessimistic can totally be affected by their environment... and, obviously, internal chemical reactions.
Therefore, I need to stop Chris being grumpy AND get rid of my black clouds... then I'll be optimistic again!