(Letters to my brothers and others) March 2005 to May 2007. |
10-1-05 You're better amongst the party people. I'll sit here and dye my hair and make me more into what you want me not to be. I have no other expectations besides trying to fulfill yours but they seem to change and I'm tired of waiting here for you to either listen or make up your mind about who you want to be. You're a double-edged sword: you claim to be a mother but you're also undiscovered by every man who wants to get in your pants. You also claim you want only me but in the gleam of your eyes all I see is you getting out for a night (on the town). You've been hurt and been abused but what else more do you want me to do when all you can say is, "Why is it always about you?" and I can rationally sympathize with all the other pathetic guys you left behind because you did what you wanted to? There's nothing wrong with living on the edge and there's times when I've led that trend but baby you need to calm the fuck down. The kids are pissed and you never sleep, and don't you put that blame on me! You're the one who wants to skip town. I only wanted to make a life for you but what else is a man to do? Especially when your actions bring me down. I just can't get through to you that I'm the man who actually loves you, as a person and not a party favor. Someday maybe when we're old you'll see that you and I could probably be what we thought we'd always be forever. 'Til then you'll just ignore me or forget to listen and surely you'll fuck up again. Ask me why I don't trust you and I'll wonder why I have to when you make other guys a routine. Someday you'll wake up and realize that I'm not like other guys and thank me for who I am. But I guess 'til then tell my friends I said "hi" 'cuz after I met you I was foolish I guess for leavin' that lifestyle behind. |