Everyday Canvas

How to Talk during a Family Gathering

Prompt: During a family gathering, what should we watch out for when we’re telling something like a story from our life, an anecdote, or our ideas, and why is watching what we say important during such events?

==============

In such gatherings, if I am not careful, I usually put my foot in my mouth, however unknowingly of someone else’s situation. Then there have been times when, even though I knew a situation, I made a faux pas, and a big one. So the first thing I must watch out for is that what I say doesn’t get somebody’s dander up. For example, if Aunt Cathy’s son is dating an Eskimo, I mustn’t make fun of igloos.

Second must be to avoid tangential info or side-bar type of a thing, so that someone else doesn’t pick on it and run away with it, changing the course of the discussion or the story. This, too, always happens.

Needless to say, politically incorrect or offensive stuff is totally out, and if someone else commits this crime, I’ll just have to ignore it. We’re together to be together and not to fix each other’s prejudices. If the other person gets far out of line, I can excuse myself and visit the restroom.

If I am the one relating an event, a story, or an anecdote out of my life, I need to set the content with the first sentence with who, what, why, where, and how, and keep it short. I know families don’t have the patience to listen to long drawn-out legends.

I must not reveal any secrets belonging to me or to anyone else in the room, as it would create a most awkward situation. If someone else does that, I must act as if the secret is unimportant, even if he or she reveals that Uncle Jay’s brother has a secret wife kidnapped from a UFO.

In addition, the impact of my words on others is another thing I need to watch out for. If they—that is, most of them—seem to be preoccupied or disturbed by the sadness or the difficulty of the experience I am talking about, it is a good time to change course. Family gatherings are not for creating stress but for having fun together through supportive give-and-take.