My Jarg ::WARNING MAY AFFECT YOU::

Karma and a revelation

Still reluctant to write, I am uncovering the reasons why. Aside from procrastination and my current living environment. I have come to realize that Karma has had an influence in recent years. You see in wanting the dream so badly, I could not see things for what they were. For over three years, I was in love with and in a relationship with a narcissist. To this day, I am still suffering the effects of her “vengeance”.

You see, when you are involved with a narcissist, you don’t have to do anything wrong. You can be the most loyal friend and love them ‘till the end of time. None of which matters. I’ll not go into the illness itself, rather I wish to write and like a tornado, my thoughts are swirling about today. I feel writing is the only way to relieve this feeling.

As much as I wish to finish my manuscripts, I am in no rush. I will not rush my work, nor write something I plan to publish mainstream without it being precisely how I intended it to be. So I’ll spend a short time in my Blog, besides, who reads this junk anyway. For me it’s like opening a valve and letting the steam out to relieve pressure.

My writing times and location are far from ideal. The one good thing in my life besides my children are all healthy. The one good thing for me personally, is my “day job” well actually I work third shift right now which I don’t mind at all. Work is going well. You see work makes me feel sane. Sometimes when I tell people an idea or a thought I have. It tends to go one of two ways. They either look at me like I just escaped or belong in an asylum. Or they are enthralled by my words and crave more.

I know the differences and I know why, I do not care to go into that now either. Just the tapping of the keys and the sound of piano music in the background is soothing me. That’s all I wanted. To relax and find relief. Of my few sanctuaries, this is one of them. Writing, much in the way a reader, be it my own or any reader dives into a story and gets lost or finds themselves in another place and or time. Writing has that effect on me.

I am working on my talent or skill, focus being the most important as of late. Also punctuation, grammar, writing in general. Many people have reviewed my writings and have told me they are positive, inspiring and many other great things that encourage me to write on. I am learning about positive and negative energy fields. I feel as though I am in a negative energy field now, however being a source of great positive energy, I push forward knowing what I am capable of…to an extent.

Today is one of many tough days, as I started out saying, protecting myself from a narcissist is something I never saw coming into my life. They say love is blind, “they” being the people who have they themselves once at some point been blinded by it. I suppose it is true, love is blind. I have allowed myself to be placed in dangerous situations, of course in the back of my mind wondering why. Not really caring though as another day with my love was like a wish from the Gods had been granted again and again.

It wasn’t until she got what she wanted from me, then left. At the time I hadn’t realized she’d done me a great service by leaving. Her wrath of self-imposed “revenge” I could do without. I learned a lot from that experience. Though I see the light coming closer and closer, my desire to look back and wonder how, why? What could have been? Is dwindling.

Today, I am thankful to God, the Universe and every molecule of positive energy that hears me and helps me through times like this. I think I am going to stop here for today. I feel better as though I have been relieved of some pressure or weight. I will write again soon, I will get back to my manuscripts as soon as I am ready. If you read this. Thank you. Maybe you picked up something you needed to know or learn. Or just needed to lose track of time if even only for a few moments.
Good day to all.