La Bene Vita

Food Log: 9/18/15 and How To Not Get Hired

Food Log: 9/18/16
- Coffee w/sugar-free creamer
- Peanut butter
- Half onion bagel with cheese and tomato (can you tell we're out of ham?)
- Sausage
- String cheese
- Potbelly skinny roast beef on multi-grain
- 1 serving almonds
- Spinach salad w/grilled chicken, tomato, onion, light catalina
- Butternut squash soup
- Leftover pizza (2 squares)
- Apple cider

If you already read my newsfeed, ignore the following. I'm blogging it to (1) document it, because I usually post work-related work in my blog, and (2) get credit for the word count.

If you're seeing it for the first time, enjoy.

How To Not Get Hired:

Step 1: Complete online application. Indicate that you are underqualified, overpriced, and that you desire more hours that we can offer.

Step 2: Call immediately after completing application and speak with receptionist to say you didn't feel like you were able to sufficiently explain your salary requirements, and even though you understand that we currently have no openings, and that you just wanted confirm that the hiring manager got your information. Learn that the hiring manager is Angela. Leave your phone number with the receptionist (the same number you listed on your application.)

Step 3: Call again the very next day and leave a message with the receptionist that you just want to make sure the hiring manager got your message and application, because you have not heard from Angela.

Step 4: Call again two weeks later and ask to speak with Angie. When you are told no one by that name works here, ask for Angela. When you are told that Angela is not available, insist on speaking with the owner, even though the owner is not the hiring manager for this position. When you are told that email is the best way to reach the owner and instructed to email the owner at the provided address, insist that the owner call you because you don't have an email address.

Because I like numbered lists, here are the reasons I do not intend to hire this candidate.

1. No an email address. Does that even require explanation? Who applies for a job and doesn't have an email address?

2. If it wasn't obvious, she's underqualified, overpriced, and desires more hours than we can offer.

3. While follow-up and assertiveness can be good traits, making demands of the hiring manager's boss is generally not advised. If you are this demanding when you want a job, how much more demanding will you be when you are in our employ?

4. I don't call people. I realize this is a corollary to reason #1, but where #1 was a refusal to hire on principle, this is more of a logistical obstacle. If you can't email me, you won't get hired because I schedule interviews and send offer letters to people through email. Your lack of an email address is really not my problem.

Any questions? What have you learned today, students?