Witness to Withness

Help Me Jesus

I need your Help Oh Lord I Pray
I am empty and alone, no one
cares and without you
I will die and be forever gone

I am in ministerial parlance when I say without Jesus I am nothing. I thought this a lot of my time in College. I was put in the position of sacrificing self for a greater good, even if that meant I would forever be cast out into oblivion.

         Things had got really bad, make no mistake about that. There was a Janitor who took a liking to me. His name was Stephen and he was from Jamaica. He was this big muscular dude who walked with a limp. I helped him do his rounds. He saw it as helping me therapeutically. At least that is what he said. He also told me that the one eyed man was king and all that there was to the world was love. At least someone who was sane was giving me attention. I mopped floors, learned how to do hospital corners and clean toilets. In return he would take me into his office and treat me with a modicum of respect, which was what I needed at the time. He would laugh at my craziness and name it as such. He would take me out into the corn fields to eat raw corn and other vegetables, something I had ever done before and he made sure I did push ups. It was something he liked me to see me doing even if I had no clue why.

         In the mean time as my delusions or whatever you call them slipped away I came face to face with someone who called himself Jesus Christ. This was the moment of a life time for me. I had been going to school to learn about how to minister for Jesus and now here Jesus was preaching out on the grounds for people to repent, don't hit and don't curse him. This was his script as he smoked cigarettes, drank coffee and floated around the grounds with leather shoes and a cocky up step. You would have had to be there. I was not the only one to be enamored of him. There were several others. It was about this time that I saw my brother Kurt on the grounds. It was a strange sight to realize that I was on the same grounds as someone that I did not ever want to be like. Now we were walking around the same grounds. Kurt did not buy into what this Jesus was selling. It was interesting to see staff reactions. One staff by the name of George played along with the fact that Jesus was indeed there. At the time I had no idea whether he was serious or not.
         I became on of Jesus main disciples. I was pretty much with him wherever he went. All my thoughts of being a witness out of revelation were out of my head given up for something better. I now had a reason to live and that was following Jesus. Over time I would learn that the Jesus I followed was divorced, Catholic(constantly reciting the rosary on beads and getting me some), he was incontinent, addicted to coffee, rolled his cigarettes, inviting me to smoke. I did smoke with him but did not like coffee. We roamed off the hospital campus together and then came back. I am guessing that we probably were not supposed to. We took showers together, ate together and talked about God. For the space of the two or three months it lasted this was in my perception all I needed.