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National Toilet Paper Day

         Everyone, take adequate warning. August 26 is National Toilet Paper Day! Don't let it slip by unnoticed. Now is the time to plan the festivities. Let's mark this national day for the importance due to it. Where would we be without magnificent toilet paper?!!

         First, make sure you are adequately supplied that week. It would be a terrible day for your family to fall short. Then plan a party! A good reason to celebrate. Make a menu, pick a venue, invite your friends, order the booze! Celebrate the evolution of TP. We've come a long way since corn cobs.

         Remember your older country relatives who still had outhouses? They put the old Sears catalogs and outdated magazines in the outhouse to avoid buying special paper. The paper itself has evolved through stages and is still available in various varieties. There was the tough scratchy kind that you hated to use. There was the very soft, but durable kind that pleased us but irked the environmentalists. Then biodegradable became so popular that it dissolved while you were using it. Now they seemed to have reached some sort of compromise, but at awesomely high prices.

         And let's not forget the TP companies have branched out to personal wipes, a moist towelette that's flushable and biodegradable, but completes what the TP can't do by itself. It's a huge industry. If you think I'm over playing this, read about the POW's who were inflicted with dysentery or beriberi with no paper in the camps. Or imagine having only an outhouse and some shiny magazine or a newspaper with the ink that rubs off.

         Any excuse for a party. So whether you go dancing or throw a barbecue or have a keg party, be sure to toast the makers of TP.