My Jarg ::WARNING MAY AFFECT YOU::

Writing passed my bed time, should come with a warning.

This is for the few who check for updates. I love all three of you. ;)

For starters, things are tough. I haven't had the freedom to come here and relax. Rather then dwell and ponder, I'll try to let my mind wander. This may be short, or could be long. If it we're up to me, It would be in another language, well still English. Written in another book. Instead, to attempt to clear my head. I snuck in here to open up my mind a little.

A good image would be sneaking out to your parents garage, slowly opening the drivers side door of your dads '57 Chevy. Pretending to drive, hoping of course dad doesn't catch you. While that's not really what's going on for me, it's kind of how I feel at the moment.

I can't even start the engine, just to hear it purr. Daytime in my current location, forget writing. I've written about writing through distractions, well I am far beyond that. The closest feeling I can imagine, would be prison, which I am clearly not in, or am I? Prisons don't have to be huge concrete buildings with guards every where.

There are many types of 'Prisons', I suppose I have allowed myself into one more. So I wondered if mechanics worked on their own cars, doctors on their own pain. I thought maybe coming to 'my hospital' would make me feel better. In many ways it does, but I am also sad.
The cars to loud and I can't fire it up here.

I have my private projects also, I do manage little time slots for, problem is when you only have a little time to write and a lot to free yourself from to do it. You don't get as much actual writing done as you wold like. To my three loyal supporters, and the many others who have eyes on me now, I appreciate it. Boring as this may be to some, it's unstressing me. It's my blog anyway.

I keep telling myself to write some short stories, they always make me feel better. It's a struggle in my world right now, last year around this time, I thought for sure I would be doing much better. But when you go to the doctor and say "Doc, it hurts when I do this".
What does the doctor say? "Don't do that".

That's only a partial part of whats blocking me, rest assured it's not writers block, I simply can't write at most times that I want to because of some poor decisions I made over recent years. Ironically enough, those "poor choices" involved helping people. I didn't see it then, but clear as a fresh water stream, I see now I need to focus on me.

Thing is part of who I am, is helping you. I'm the guy pushing your broken down car out of the way, not because you're in my way, because I see you're stuck, checking all your mirrors, almost panicked. I'm one of those kind of guys. I care, and I suppose that's what brought me here tonight.

Behind the curtain, is my data collecting people counting page monitoring master super computer. Really it's just some tools we have to see how many views each page gets. My numbers are doing well. Better than I could have imagined, I mean come on, I have three readers!

No, I'm kidding, you're probably like what? you, me and someone you know? Well that would be three now wouldn't it. If it where only three readers out of all my writings, and ramblings. If someone got something nice out my writing, nothing else matters to me. It's why I write. I have to, I need to read some more also. I'm not huge reading fan, but I have read a couple of books in the last year. Prior to that, other than my day job materials, which the reading only consisted of insert part "A" into part "B" and turn 45 degrees counterclockwise.

OK, it's getting real late now and I'm robbing myself some much needed rest. I just wanted you to know. I'm always writing. If my updates aren't coming fast enough, or you would like me to write something specific. Feel free to email me. I'll write just about anything, for anyone.

In the mean time, I must go get back in my box, it's time to sneak out of the car, slowly close the door and hope mom and dad are still sleeping. Last time, dad noticed the mirror I forget to put back the way he had it. Thank you for your curiosity if nothing more. I started this hoping it would make me feel better, clearing my head. I did accomplish that, only so much so you know I'm still alive, I'm out here, trying make it to my desk, where all is silent, my worries are no longer shoved down my throat eight hundred million times a day.

I am overdue for a short story, I will create more time, some how, someway, I'll make it dark, and scare the demons away. I'll go work on that soon, then crank out one of these stories, I have several running in my mind. I know you will enjoy them. I did.