Wondering about my Wanderings

In between

I got out of my counselling a little bit blurry eyed. It was a good session. I was able to let go of a lot of what was keeping me off center. My only trouble is trying to find my own place that will feel like home. It kind of identifies where I am at in the midst of Mom's house getting sold. We all grew up there (my brothers and sisters) and yet home has to be a lot bigger than that one place.

My counsellor suggested that I become a chaplain. He was affirming my compassion skills. I left pondering what that felt like. I enjoyed my times off and on until I failed the seed committee as a potential supervisor. There were reason that I steered clear. I found out today more about why that is.

I get caught up in the emergency, whatever it is and am not available in a way that is helpful to those who are the identified rescuers. I can not even after forty-five years and trauma therapy keep myself distant from the impending doom as I perceive it. I will write. It is the best I can do. Maybe I will learn something about myself and others in the process.