Can we talk?

Mother's Day

         Mother's Day is celebrated this weekend. Church is all about mothers that day in every town, village, or city. The assumption is that everyone had a loving mother, and that the women are loving mothers. Nothing could be further from the truth.

         I have heard from church goers who sat in the pew every Sunday watching the families, particularly multi-generational families. They didn't claim envy. They wondered why God loved everyone else more. They had not known a solid family life. Maybe as an adult, he or she had established his own family unit and tried to be different, but the memories of a painful childhood still prevailed.

         I've worked in a children's "home", where the kids came from homes where the mother had died, was in jail, or was a known prostitute or abusive parent. These kids grew up in a cottage on a campus, raised by people like me, who were on the clock. They wanted a mother's love, but they didn't get it. One boy told me that his mother put him out on the front porch in winter time, wearing nothing but jockey shorts. He was undersized for his age. At 16, he looked like he was 12. His crime? He held the refrigerator door open too long.

         I was friends with a nice guy who had a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter and a son. They were very active in their church and were a close family. After years of conversing with them, he confessed how hard it was to see all the happy families, and how he couldn't forget how his mother had raised him and his brother. She had beaten them both with a belt frequently. They never knew when she'd lose her temper. She called them names, like "Stupid" and "Ugly". She burnt them with her cigarettes. At age 13, he wondered why he had been born so stupid and so horrible, why God made him so different from everyone else. It wasn't until much later that he realized he wasn't different; he had just had a troubled mother. He was one of the nicest, smartest men I have known. His mother was wrong.

         Mother's Day and Father's Day can be a very troubling time in a church. While it helps most of us to celebrate the mothers we did have, for some, the day is a reminder of pain and suffering. For some women, it is a reminder that they could not have children, and they feel the frustration and failure again. The day is a mixture of heartbreak, memories of mothers who have passed. appreciation, and cheer. At church and everywhere on Mother's Day, we need to be sensitive to others who don't have the same happy history, and remember more than usual, that we are all part of the family of God.