Cabin Fever

The Day the Stars Became Round

1-20-05

I may not be all there,
but I'm the sanest of everyone in there.

Tonight I'm home alone,
mimicking happiness
in the ways I know best suit me.
I could run for cover, or daylight,
but sleep is all I ask for
on a day spent
spiting my body's aches
and my coworkers' complaints.
Brighter eyes, where have you turned me
to not shed some loving light on me?
Brighter eyes, why do you hide,
leaving me misinterpreted
and foolishly understood?

This is a paeon to the coffee drinkers,
the risk takers,
mood shifters and shakers,
and a curse for running
away naked
from every misstep trod.

Nothing's gonna change my world
that I've already encountered.
I'm here, I'm alive, this is me
and the end result is what you either
embrace or dispose of.
I'm not making anyone's choices;
there's one variable I can control
in anyone's destiny,
and that one is me.
All around evolution,
what I have is mine
and what I give is my property
of heart and soul reaching
a different kind of mind.
I'm not into collections
or asking for reciprocation
but I want benefits
because I can only be so much,
even if it turns out I'm a drag.
There's only just enough of me to go around
and I'm selfish.
At the end of the day,
I'm gonna need
a little bit of me for myself.

And I'm not sorry
but I swear I'll pay you back.

Liquor soaked, sleeping pill-choked;
a dagger cloaked, a mystery stoked.
Either you're alert or inert;
well, I've sleepwalked
through pain and abuse
and poorly thought out rebukes.
I won't make excuses.
I'll take the words to heart,
fear the worst and pledge
to a different heart a better fresh start.
I won't combine;
I'll retrace my divides
          to feel better on the insides
(if that's possible).
Is this an ending? Is this beginning?
Is what we said real?
I've seen it all before.
It's all my fault, as usual.
As it usually is.

Tonight I'm home alone,
mimicking happiness and plotting hermitage,
counting my blessings and assessing friendships
for what is fake and what is heritage.
Brighter eyes, you've left me here again
in the state of mind that won't let me begin.
Brighter eyes, we are over, can we just get over,
jumpstart my winking and blinking
and Brighter eyes, can we stop pretending
that evolution wants us to continue
                    (to continue)
                    (to continue)
when we can see everything ending?
                    (is it ending?           are we ending?)
                    (is it ending?           are we ending?)
                    (I'm not pretending...is this the ending?)
                    (This is ending, so stop pretending.)

Either you're alert or inert.
All around evolution,
we're marked and divulged
and told and remade to sell.
It's something that had to be done.
Stop trying to fight it.
Be grateful for what you are
and everything you've done.
Battles lost and won,
be grateful for what you've done.