Cabin Fever

Cuddlesnake

Cuddlebitch

5-24-04

The puzzle of your pain.
The ethereal silence of your heart
speaking volumes of what you share
and distrust the most.
You can dish it out
but only when it comes back to you
do you realize that it hurts.
It's a sea change from the beginning
when we don't plan to fall apart.
I'm watching you, studying you.
It's what I do.
I'm watching you
failing me.

You have a hidden meaning about you.
Something you don't want anyone to see.
I was once someone
but now I'm everyone else.
Dig deeper only to find
it was insignificant at best
and a shame at worst.
There is no middle anymore.
There is only us
and the nights behind
that never called to mention
we weren't meant to be.
We were images. Now
just smoke and mirrors,
masking our avoidances
and painting our days with each other's loss,
hoping it would be our own.

You can't hold the surface
without unleashing the insides.
"It may not get any better than this"
you thought,
and maybe you were right. Oh, you were.
You're an uneasy feeling
in the bottom of my chest.
An attack of the heart.
Your blood runs through, slowly,
straining to fill me
but I won't let you.
I want to be as dead inside
as you.
You won't see me
as anything but
and I won't see you
again.